The Origins of Chuffer Bob - An Exclusive!
Most Neopians have heard of the infamous Chuffer Bob, one of the Cheat! Masters. They know him as a larger-than-normal Meerca with an insatiable appetite. He really loves eating and his most infamous quote is “Caution: This body makes extra-wide turns!” But how did Chuffer Bob get to this point? We know from the Neopedia that he wasn’t always this large, nor was he always a good eater. In fact, as he says, his mother used to feed him healthy food, including fava beans, but he would feed them to their pet Snorkle. Well, a reliable source has come forward to reporter SirToofy with an inside scoop on the life of Chuffer Bob. (Name has been changed for confidentiality.)
Miss Cheerca claims to have known Chuffer Bob when he was simply known as Bob the Meerca. They went to school together at the Neopian Central School and were in the same grade growing up. “Bob was the class clown for sure! He would use his impeccable speed to zoom around the classroom and cause mayhem. One time, he rolled right up to the teacher’s desk as she was teaching and left a Spyder in her drawer. You should have heard our teacher SCREAM! Another time, he zoomed around and tied everyone’s shoelaces together before pulling the fire alarm. It was CHAOS!” With such a prankster mindset, he was definitely not the most scholarly student and had several run-ins with the principal’s office. However, with his small stature and amazing speed, there was no severe penalty as he was a heavy favourite in both track and field and the team captain in Yooyuball. He caught the eye of several scouts and was eventually offered a full scholarship to the Altador College, to train with the best of the best. But that’s where all things unravelled.
“When he arrived at Altador College, he was the big shot. The jock. The name to look out for. But he also carried a reckless reputation, one that caught the eye of several individuals who had ties to organized crime.” Of course, Miss Cheerca was referring to the Meerca brothers, Heermeedjet and Merouladen, the legendary crime duo. At first, there was no change in behaviour. Small pranks. Average marks. Late nights. But as the year went by, Bob started arriving to practice late and tired. He slept in class, had no energy or appetite. In fact, he became less social and more secluded. He would disappear at odd hours with no explanation. “There was a lot of confusion about what was going on. Lots of people reached out to Bob and got no answers. It was like something had happened but no one knew anything about it. It was scary to witness this transition.” And then came the shocking news. Bob was expelled from Altador College with not even a word. No one knew why. “it was rumoured that there was a theft of some value at the College involving several gold-plated trophies. Some said that he tried to threaten his way back on the team.” Miss Cheerca still shakes at the thought. “It was one of the oddest mysteries at the time.”
No one knew where Bob went. He disappeared off the grid. His mother didn't hear from him for almost a decade. There were suspected sightings all over Neopia. Some said he was around the Lost Desert. Others said he was on Mystery Island training with the ninjas. Some even thought he was learning to be a chef in Maraqua. But no one knew for sure until a meerca by the name of Chuffer Bob began making the rounds in the Cheat tournaments. At first, no one made the connection. I mean, this meerca was approximately triple the weight, aged over 20 years, and had a big attitude. He excelled at cheating and definitely seemed a bit well off, almost like he had nothing to live for anymore. He brought in three meals per Cheat game and ravenously ate them at the table. It was suspected that the food eating masked some additional cheating tactics, although none were ever proven. Some other players lobbied an official protest to the National Cheat Assemblage but to no avail. It seemed that he was just here to stay. Over time, as words were exchanged and stories were shared, it became clear that Chuffer Bob was, in fact, the same Bob from Altador College.
“He once told us a story of how he spent 8 days without water or food trapped in a tomb in the Lost Desert while looting treasure. He only escaped because a random Neopian accidentally opened up a lost escape route when they accidentally tripped over a small lever wall exploring Coltzan’s Shrine!” said Spectre, the #1 Cheat player of all time. Meanwhile, 00 Hog, another fellow Cheat competitor said the following. “The Chuff once told me over lunch that his diet consists of all the food he was deprived of as a child. When you’re an athlete, you can’t just pick up a Burger and wolf it down. You’re fed garbage like Meerca Fruit Burgers and Lettuce.” Capara, on the other hand, dismisses all of Chuffer Bob’s stories as inflated egotistical attempts to distract players from the game. “I’ve heard of people like him using mind games to throw us off our games. He can try all he wants but he has NOTHING on me!”
At the end of the day, is Chuffer Bob really the same person as Bob the Meerca? Was his downfall due to societal pressures from a young age? Or was he tricked into being a pawn in organized crime? Or perhaps they aren’t the same person and our anonymous source is just getting older and misremembering parts of the story. Altador College was contacted for comment but hasn’t returned any calls. What can be said, however, is that Chuffer Bob is still one of the best Cheat! Players around and has a mysterious past. When shown the article, he huffed away with a bit of jelly doughnut left on his long tail. Curious indeed.