9 Fun Things to Do 900 Times

     *Approval pending

     1. Ignore Instructions

     Starting off this list is one of my most formative Neopets experiences: ignoring the instructions. In our travels across Neopia, we may or may not have come across a certain lever in a certain space station. A certain lever that may or may not rhyme with "Lever of Boom." A very specific lever that might, just maybe, have a notice in huge capital letters that reads, "DO NOT PULL." Well, this activity involves actively ignoring instructions, so definitely ignore that warning and PULL. THE. LEVER! Then do it again! And again, 898 times! Now, after pulling this lever 900 times (and properly celebrating this occasion), you may or may not have received a special reward: a shiny new avatar. Congratulations! Or, if you're like me, you'll probably have received nothing after 900 pulls. Don't worry, that's okay (and perfectly normal). Just keep ignoring instructions and you'll have it in no time! You may lose a copious amount of Neopoints, but that is a sacrifice I am happy (for you) to make. :)

     2. Humour King Skarl

     For this next one on our list, we'll be paying a visit to Meridell Castle. You guessed it; we're telling some jokes to King Skarl! Now, this Grumpy Old King is surly at best (and I mean it), but nothing beats a bad mood like a good joke. So go ahead and ask him his favourite, "What do you do if fierce Peophins has eaten too much tin of olives?" "Acara!" HAHAHA...and...nothing. Hmph. Well, not a problem. After all, this is a list of things to do 900 times. Just tell him the same joke again, perhaps with a more nonsensical punchline next time! Skarl may seem unamused but just keep at it. Try it twice a day, every day. I'm sure he'll find humour in it by your 900th telling. I mean, time changes all of us and who doesn't love hearing the same joke every day for like three years?

     3. Avoid Paying Your Taxes

     It's almost that dreaded time of year again, everyone. Tax Beast Season! For this fun activity, we'll be not paying him any taxes! "But umbrex," you exclaim, "this step doesn't involve doing anything 900 times. I can't celebrate the Neopian Times this way!" Worry not, because for this activity what we're doing is going to the bank and depositing our Neopoints. Make 1000? Deposit 1000. Win 2500? Deposit. Sell those codestones? Make big deposits. Soon enough, you'll have easily deposited 900 times. Then when the Tax Beast arrives, you'll be ready.

     "It's tax time. Pay up!" - The Tax Beast

     "sorry, I have 0 np." - You, an Intellectual with Enough Neopoints in the Bank to Buy Everything in the Hidden Tower

     "Hmm, alright." - The Tax Beast

     "Bye!" - You, the Neopian with Enough Bank Interest to Make Neopia's Most Unhelpful 50k a Day Guide

     4. Cause (Untold) Ecological Damage

     Life in Neopia can be tough, so be sure to train your pet for this one. Swing on by The Cosmic Dome* and have a showdown with some Giant Space Fungus. Frequently found holding carved rocks and star-shaped pieces of metal, there's no easier way to get some nice items. All you have to do is defeat a giant, sentient blob of fungus in an antigravity setting. It's a no-brainer! Go beat up 900 of these galactic spore amalgamations today and celebrate the Neopian Times 900th Issue, while also causing immeasurable** astrobiological damage!

     *Those without premium can instead cause ecological devastation** at the Dome of the Deep, fighting 900 Giant Spectral Mutant Waleins

     ** Don't feel bad. Spores spread when impacted, so you're really helping them! Um, ectoplasm can too, probably! Yeah!

     5. "Visit" Your Favorite Shopkeeper

     For this one, we're going to Neopia Central and visiting the Neopian Post Office Chia. The shelves are empty and you're ready to grab some deals. Look that Chia right in the eye and ask him, "Is there anything in stock yet?" "No," he'll reply. But don't let down your guard. Don't blink. You have to be vigilant in this shop. Ask him again. "No," he'll reply. Ask him again, a second or two later. "No," he'll reply. Don't let up, just keep visiting him until something is in stock. Ask him for the 900th time that hour if anything is in stock. "No." Sigh. Well, this happens sometimes. I guess now's a safe time to take a break. Blink. Ah. It's all gone. You've missed everything, including 5 r99 stamps. Gotta be quicker than that!

     6. Stock Up on Essentials

     When you're in Faerieland, one of the major attractions is the Healing Springs. It's not every day you get to visit Faerieland, so best to stock up on the essentials. When you look at what's in stock, you'll an assortment of powerful healing potions. Walk right past those. We're stocking up on Exploding Snowballs, friends. Buy one for only 30 Neopoints then wait 30 minutes and do it again. In only 27,000 minutes, or 450 hours, or 18.75 days, you'll have successfully purchased 900 Exploding Snowballs. You've successfully stocked up for Charity Corner while also celebrating the 900th Neopian Times issue. And with the funds from your purchases, maybe Marina can finally afford to take a class and restore more than 3 health to your Neopet. Hooray!

     7. Rely on Charity

     This activity should be a throwback for many of you: go to the Money Tree and pick up some free items! Choose from a tantalizing assortment of old rotten footwear, shiny obsidian, and other items that look like they've been fished up from the deepest depths of Maraqua. But what are you to do with all this junk? The name of this activity is "Rely on Charity," not "Ask Important Questions" so let's just start collecting. It's a long road to 900 items. At 10 items per day, we can celebrate for three whole months!

     8. Overcome Your Problems

     Once in a while, some Gift Box Mystery Capsules will appear on sale in the NC Mall. Priced half-off? By Fyora! For this activity, you'll be overcoming your problems. Specifically your gift box cap problem. The first step is to acknowledge you have a problem. Done: someone has that high-priority item up for trade today for only 50 caps, and you have none. This is a problem. Now you must overcome it. Add some Gift Box Mystery Capsules to your cart and buy them. Congratulations! Now just overcome your problems 899 more times.

     9. Practice Your Smilies

     What list of activities is complete without social interaction? Not this one. Put on your prettiest font and stroll on over to the Neoboards. Looking for a trade? Perfect. Depending on what you're trading, head over to the NC Mall or Neopian Pound board and make a New Topic. Now you're ready to begin this activity! As you desperately wait (most likely in vain) for someone else to respond to your board, practice using the Neoboard smilies. Bump your board while waiting with such useful smilies as: *cry*, *weewoo*, and *ghost*. Before you know it, you'll find you've already practised 900 times. And in just 5 minutes. Wow!

     And with that, the list comes to a close.

     Happy Issue 900 everyone, and here's to 900 more!