The 9 Worst Places to Host Your 900th Edition Party

     1. Haunted Woods - Don’t get us wrong, the Haunted Woods has its charm, but when it comes to planning your Neopian Times party, avoid it. The spooky, creepy vibe of the Haunted Woods is certainly not for everyone. Picture Meepits watching your guests from afar, waiting for the perfect opportunity to chase them everywhere. All your guests would definitely have nightmares for the foreseeable future. Also, what are you supposed to feed everyone, Spooky Raspberry Pie? You’d be better off having your party somewhere where the food doesn’t look like it wants to eat you. And there’s no telling what kind of riff-raff your party would attract, given its proximity to the Deserted Fairground. You’re basically asking to be ripped off. Having your party here would end up turning it into a Tale of Woe.

     2. The Battleground of the Obelisk - Tyrannia lovers might be drawn to the mysterious obelisk in the center of the battleground and its powers can entice even the most cowardly of Neopets to risk their safety in battle. But as a party location, the battleground is not your best bet. To choose to host your party here is to choose to endanger the lives of your guests, as war can break out at any point. You never know how battle-ready any given person may be. If that weren’t enough, another problem with hosting your party here is that your guests would have to pick sides, likely in different factions - do you really want to risk the possibility that you’ll have to battle on the opposite side of your guests?

     3. Lutari Island - On paper, Lutari Island seems like a great party location. It has everything you could want - beautiful beaches, lovely scenery, tropical weather. However, it has literally been covered in fog for over 10 years. You won’t be able to see anything. This would make for the most challenging game of pin the tail on the Pteri ever. The whole party would turn into a disaster. And can you imagine a stray guest walking into the cake? Save yourself some embarrassment and have your party someplace else.

     4. Maraqua - Hosting your party in Maraqua would be a terrible idea even in the unlikely event that all of your guests can swim (Can all of them swim? You’d better be sure!). For example, you have to take the issue of breathing into account. Unless every single one of your guests has gills, how would you expect your party to last longer than a few minutes? Unless you want your party to end with you rushing off to the Neopian Hospital, you’d be better served by picking a different location for your celebration. Additionally, there’s the risk that your guests might wander off into the Ruins of Maraqua and accidentally get swept into a whirlpool. A terrible end to a terrible party.

     5. Moltara Caves - It’s dark and there is lava everywhere. I love Moltara as much as the next Neopian, but do you really want to be surrounded by lava at a party? That would just add the risk that a particularly clumsy guest might accidentally fall in, which could have devastating consequences! On top of that, having your party at Moltara Caves would essentially be excluding Ice and Snow pets from your gathering. Who would be reckless enough to risk melting just to go to a party? Not to mention the guard to the magma pool is incredibly unfriendly. He would probably end up yelling at your guests for the duration of the party. If you’re a diehard Moltara fan, you may consider the center of the city as a venue, but you would be wise to avoid the caves at all costs.

     6. Jelly World - You would be the laughingstock of all Neopia. Jelly World simply doesn’t exist. Nobody would show up to your party, and you would be humiliated in front of all your peers. Do you want that? We didn’t think so.

     7. Snowager’s Cavern - Sure, there might be benefits to throwing a party in the Snowager’s cavern. The enormous pile of treasure would add an element of glitz and glam to your celebration. In a pinch, it’s even a potential source for party favours - that is, if you have no morals and don’t have a problem with outright theft. And sure, you could spend some time tracking the Snowager’s schedule to determine when he typically naps and subsequently plan your party around his sleep schedule, but do you really want to risk that he’ll wake up and blast everyone attending your party? The element of danger is likely to outweigh everything else when it comes to deciding whether or not to attend your party. We sure wouldn’t!

     8. Kreludor - No one would likely show up to your party if you had it on Kreludor because it would be incredibly burdensome to travel to Neopia’s moon on such short notice. Not to mention the gravity is always changing there. One minute you’re having a pleasant conversation about your favourite Neopian Times comic, and the next you’re simply floating away, untethered, into the atmosphere and never to be heard from again. We’re not expert party planners, but your guests definitely won’t come back if something like that happens. Stick to a location with a little bit more gravity.

     9. Meri Acres Farm - This might seem like a perfect place at first glance, but you definitely do not want to bring party guests anywhere near here. If the wind blows in the wrong direction, then you’ll have the delight of experiencing the smell from the Rubbish Dump, wafting over and ruining everyone’s appetite. Did you want a side of garbage with your meal today? The Pick Your Own patch might be filled with delicious berries for your guests to snack on, but it’s also filled with Piles of Dung. There is a very good chance that your guests will be chased away by angry Slorgs who clearly don’t appreciate the 900th Neopian Times edition as much as they do. You may think you can easily outrun them, but you’d be surprised. It’s also likely that the crazed Wocky from Extreme Potato Counter will show up and start throwing potatoes everywhere, so your guests will most definitely have nightmares, and likely never be able to look at another potato ever again without remembering your terrible party. If you’re the reason your guests can never have french fries again then you’ll never live it down.

     Still not convinced? That’s fine. Maybe you’re the type of party planner who loves seeing their guests suffer. Hopefully, we were able to prevent some of you from making the biggest mistakes of your lives. If so, we can’t wait to see how your party turns out (because we’d better be invited), but if not, we might not be able to refrain from saying “we told you so.” Good luck planning and happy 900th edition!