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Valentine’s Special: Valennytine’s Day

by larkspurlane


     by larkspurlane and _razcalz_

     Dear readers,

     It’s Valentine’s day, and that means that we, along with this entire issue of the Neopian Times, are going to serenade your eyes with various shades of pink.

     So! It’s time to panic-buy chocolate and heart-strewn cards to tell your loved ones you care about them and pretend that you totally didn’t forget about this until the last minute! Don’t worry, we’re right there with you. Since V-day falls on a Friday this year, who actually plans ahead enough to have the shopping done a week in advance? Exactly.

     In today’s article, we offer you some humble (and yes, mostly pink), gift suggestions for the lenny in your life. If there are no lennies in your life, then we recommend that you change that ASAP. Alternatively, you can give these things to us.

     ~ Duckie and Glymmer


     8-Bit Lenny Shirt

     Retro is in. This shirt will let your lenny live out all of their old school gaming dreams, pixel by glittery pixel. This is the best thing to wear for a 10 hour Neoquest binge session with your buddies. (Snacks and wellness checks not included. Please remember to take regular baths.)


     Lovely Lennys

     Speaking of retro, how do like that item art? That’s some 2002 Neopets vintage art right there! Look at it. Savour the stray pixels, the Arial font, the cliparty book. This is your history, Neopian. An artifact of the days of yore. On a different note, this book perhaps provides an official answer to the age-old question: is the plural of lenny "lennys" or "lennies"? We think "lennies" looks better, and since the NT Editor doesn’t have strong feelings about this one way or another, we are going with "lennies". Any objections can be sent to the Editor.


     Dancer Lenny Wig

     Not only will this wig give your lenny some luscious locks, it also comes with a hat. The problem is, if you need to take off the hat, the wig goes with it. But, whatever. Beautiful hair comes at a price, and that price is the hat doesn’t come off when you take a bow at the end of the dance performance.


     Faerie Lenny Bouquet

     Not quite pink, but definitely Valentine-y enough to warrant a spot on this list. This lovely, elaborate bouquet says "I care about you enough to have spent 5,000 neopoints on this." The wonderful thing about feather bouquets is, they last forever and don’t require any water! Then, when the bouquet is old and tired, you can use it as a feather duster. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Note: no faerie lennies were harmed in the making of this bouquet.


     Lenny Librarian Sweater

     Listen, sometimes stereotypes exist for a reason. Yes, lennies really love reading. And yes, many of us become librarians. And yes, we really like cardigans. Plus, it’s pink. Buy this for the lovable librarian in your life. Along with some books. To reiterate, we recommend "Lovely Lennys", or the following alternative:


     Baby Lenny Book

     This is Duckie’s favourite book! For obvious reasons. It’s mostly pictures, but also contains some big fancy words to prepare her for the day she becomes a librarian. If you’ve ever considered adopting a baby lenny, or if you haven’t, this is the book for you: a story about the cutest pet on Neopets. Spoiler alert: most of the pictures are of carrots :)


     Lady Lenny Dress

     Elegant, stylish, expensive. We heard this dress was commissioned for the Duchess in her youth. That was a long time ago… Wait, we said nothing! Don’t print that. She’s since acquired a taste for more somber colours, but her tastes remain in style: we’re told this is the latest fashion in Brightvale.


     Lenny Ballerina Tutu

     Lennies make wonderful dancers with their long legs, innate elegance, and natural grace. And so, for the prima ballerinas among us, we present the lovely Lenny Ballerina Tutu. If your lenny forgets her hat one day, this also serves as a fantastic sunhat. (Improvise, adapt, overcome.) Alternatively, if she’s wearing the dancer wig and wants a change in hat, we’ve heard this one slips right over that hat too. Glymmer may or may not have modelled this himself.


     Lenny Day Caramel Cake

     We can’t go through a whole Valentine’s day edition without making recommendations for something sweet! Strictly speaking, this is a Lenny Day cake, but we have discovered that there is no Cake Police who checks if you are eating your cake on the correct day, so this can actually be eaten year-round. Who knew. Anyway, do better than last-minute generic chocolates for your loved one: do last-minute caramel cake.


     Lenny Tea Set

     This tea set is so pink that any tea it makes is naturally rose-flavoured. It’s perfect for hosting afternoon tea with your special one. (Pair it with the caramel cake and add bouquet for decor.) The lennies are so vibrantly pink and life-like, you almost expect them to stand up on one leg! Speaking of which...


     Plastic Lenny

     The Plastic Lenny is the dream lawn ornament of all lennies!! Take it from us, lennies who’ve maintained our own lawns for a decade and never having been able to afford a single Plastic Lenny (currently priced at a whopping 5 million NP). Be careful about starting a collection of these. Everyone knows pink lennies are flock animals, and once you buy one, you’ll find yourself needing a dozen. Simultaneously, your most prized SDB stamps will suddenly be sold to be able to afford that.

     Fun Fact: A group of pink lennies is called a "pat"! Take that for your daily dose of learning.


          Strawberries and Cream Lenny Cookie

     If the caramel cake, rose tea and bouquet weren’t enough for the tea party, this will win you the prize for the perfect host. With an adorable dollop of cream for hair and a cutie strawberry on top, no lenny can resist this scrumptious cookie. Or any pet, for that matter.


          Pink Lenny Painting

     Last but not least, this pink lenny painting makes the perfect gift for every lenny! It makes for the perfect home decor. We recommend hanging it on the wall next to the picture window that overlooks the lawn full of artistically scattered Plastic Lennies. Wow, just kidding, who can afford such a home in an economy like this? We’ll hang it up in our cozy studio apartment in Neopia Central :)

     There you have it: the perfect gifts for Valennytine’s Day. We hope you’re inspired to show some love and friendship to the favourite lenny in your life.

     Signing off, beakily yours,

     ~ Duckie and Glymmer

     PS Below is a picture of us with a Plastic Lenny we saw in someone’s yard. Glymmer wore a pink suit for the occasion. We were technically trespassing, but it was worth it for the gram.



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