Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 196,022,721 Issue: 888 | 17th day of Sleeping, Y22
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Sloth Taxation- Deemed Worthy

by dragon567821165


     Few times in your travels will you happen upon a figure in as much high regard as the Honorable Dr. Sloth. But when you are finally graced with his presence, you will realize that you have two options; To be ignored like the Grundo-esque being that you are, or to be acknowledged as one of the inner circle of the Minion Elite. When it is the latter, you will know that you are truly being awarded rather than punished and forced to the mines on Kreludor. However Sloth cannot let moments of weakness via gratitude bring forth ideas of possible resistance. No, instead, he cleverly hides his true intentions in plain site.

     You see, it is not enough for someone to just say that they are ready for the life of Sloth. You have to prove it to him. He has eyes all over Neopia, entrusting his Minion Elite to recruit new initiates. Many have spoken ill about Dr. Sloth. So many lies, and misrepresentations of the Honorable Sloth have been seeded into the minds of the youth. But Dr. Sloth is not an evil man, no. He merely has been painted in a bad light and even wrongly published into the Gallery of Evil. Would a man so vile as they describe him, liberate a whole planet of Grundos and bring them into an age of technology and wealth? Would a man that disagreeable have fought for the best interests of the Neopians all over the world, not once, but twice? Could someone as astute as Dr. Sloth be capable of actually enslaving a planet to further his own goals? I think not. Manipulation is a forced description of Dr. Sloth. One fabricated by those who wish to undo his hard work.

     "But," I hear you say, "what about the horrible technology that he has used in the past?"

     These are just more fabrications to discredit the good doctor. Take the transmogrification potions which he bestows upon certain individuals. That is right, all lies. The real Dr. Sloth was tenured in to make some of the best cures for your Diseases. Blurred VIsion, Floppy Tongue, or even Hoochie Coochies; Dr. Sloth had a huge part in developing and researching formulas to cure such ailments. Because of this, some have seen it fit to make a robot replica of the Honorable Sloth to further bring a fall from accreditation. Enslavement and the horrors on Kreludor? All bedtime stories to deter those away from the glory that is Sloth. Someone as capable as he of contributing to studying remedies to once incurable diseases- that sounds like someone that you could easily use to cover up the real creator of those potions. However, with someone in the shadows like this, uncontrolled and providing a market of species changing items; how could the Neopian authorities not try to ease the public concerns by identifying a culprit, even if it is not them.

     "But," I hear you mutter again, "who would want to do something like this?"

     There are many workings behind the scenes in Neopia. Having the public vilify Dr. Sloth is a way for them to further their own agendas. With discrediting and striking Dr. Sloth's successes from the record, other shops can inflate their own worth and make them look like the true heroes. Others can take credit and hike prices at will for technology that they did not put Neopoints into for research development. It all becomes pure profit for them. Then fame is an added bonus for them to manipulate innocent Neopians with. You see, the manipulators are the ones that create all this hostility towards the benevolent Dr. Sloth. They attempt to flip the script so that they are not seen as the ones pulling the strings. The true puppeteers would not have you know what they do or are capable of. So the scapegoat selected was Dr. Sloth.

     So how will you know if you are part of the Minion Elite?

     Simple. When you finally get your faithful moment with Dr. Sloth, it will usually be when you least expect it. Frolicking through Mystery Island, playing a few games of NeoQuest or Wingoball, perhaps spreading the word and teachings to prepare for the next invasion- This is when you will see a precarious event take place. An entourage of futuristically dressed individuals will approach you. You, perplexed, see the entourage split in the middle to make way for a towering individual. Well dress, handsomely green, and sporting a deviously pleasant smile. Dr. Sloth has approached you.

     So you have been approached, but not so fast. This is where things get truly interesting.

     You will then be informed of your great duty to the Neopian world. For we all know that the Honorable Dr. Sloth is the one whom keeps us safe at night. You stand there as "his 'associates' take 20% of your Neopoints away to support his next Neopian invasion effort." Your hard earned Neopoints will be feeding the coffers and revolution of tomorrow, in the mighty hands of Sloth.

     But what is this?

     You realize as they disappear from sight, you have not been relieved of 20% of your hard earned Neopoints. In fact, you have been GIVEN 20% more than the Neopoints which you had on hand. You have been entrusted and funded to help bring about the true destiny of the Neopian world. To reveal the truth and distill the lies.

     The message is clear. You are part of the Minion Elite. You must prepare for the next invasion. A day when Sloth will step back out of the shadows, for the glorious rise of Sloth.

     So go forth and spread the words of Dr. Sloth. Let it be known that it is not him which you should fear. It is the ones who fabricate such lies about a noble man such as he. Ones that prey on the weaker Neopians in order to sit at their tables and have great feasts while some drink water to curb their hunger for they cannot afford bread. Rally the weak and let them know that they will be safe under the umbrella of Dr. Sloths personal body armour. If you are reading this and you have finally realized the truth, remember, Sloth needs you.

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


Mystery of the Brightville Vanishing:Part Ten
Erin was trying very hard not to appear nervous, despite the difficult-to-ignore reality that her plan was unraveling at the seams. Reba stood next to her, and Orlitz was between them, restrained by some rope Erin had found in the carousel’s maintenance panel.

by josephinefarine


Color Trends for Year 22
A new year means a fresh chance to start over and live your best life. Here in Neopia we have entered the glorious Year 22!

co-authored by darthparris

by kaitlinhoneybee


A Shattered Confession:Part Four
Sylvana watched intently as the white bruce motioned to Elijah, who hobbled over to the witness stand. His entire body shook as he slowly sat down, taking in a rather weary sounding breath.

by fallingdaybreak


Return to Shenkuu:Part Three
Margot’s house was exactly as Clarise remembered it. Way too big, full of way too much stuff.

by alphachicky

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.