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A Brynnso Christmas Special 4 -- For Christmas Issue

by rielcz


      The following is a script commissioned by Queen Fyora herself due to increasing nostalgia for more Christmas-themed plays in her tower around this time of year.

     After an off-year for Hanso and Brynn – guaranteed under their current contract – The Faeries' Ruin favourites reprise their roles as themselves at the stage in Fyora's Tower.

     Thus, the "Faerieland Acting Club Representing Years 20-23," sponsored by "The Faerieland Craft Council" with funding from the "Neopets 20th Anniversary Committee Overseeing Special Artistic Contributions," present, "A Brynnso Christmas Special 4!"


     Set: A most holiday-decorated log-cabin style Neohome decked out in multiple colours of garland and tinsel. An entire wall is missing, allowing an audience to peer in. There is a door to the left, for guests to enter and exit. A fireplace sits off to the center-left, its immersive and enthralling glow entertaining the viewers, making them feel the warmth even if they watch from a distance. Atop the mantle are a collection of pine-needles and a few Christmas cards. Off to the other side sits a grandiose Christmas tree, covered in decorations from the star at the top to the trunk at the bottom. The lights glow in a most intriguing manner. There are various presents at the base of it. Also at its base are several sealed mugs branded with the logo of The Faerieland Craft Council. On the right wall there is a window, snow falling on the other side, making the warmth inside feel all the more cozy.

     Christmas-themed music plays as an introduction.

     The door opens. Inside walks Brynn.

     (Crowd applause)

     Brynn: (excitedly) Hiya everyone! Brynn here – your favourite Captain of the Brightvale Guard turned Artifact Hunter! It's great to be back here with all of you, at the stage in Fyora's Tower, for A Brynnso Christmas Special 4! And check under your chairs for a free Organic Hot Chocolate and Mug Gift Basket, courtesy of The Faerieland Craft Council – for some chocolatey warmth on those chilliest days of the year!

     (Crowd applause)

     There is a knocking at the door.

     Brynn: (endearingly) I sure hope that's Hanso – he's the best Christmas gift of all, to me.

     (Crowd "aww!")

     She opens the door. Hanso is revealed, sipping a mug of hot chocolate branded with The Faerieland Craft Council's logo.

     Hanso: (charismatically) Ask and you shall receive, Brynn!

     (Crowd applause and laughter)

     Brynn pulls him inside, hugs him, and closes the door behind him.

     Brynn: (excitedly) So, can I ask for my hot chocolate?

     Hanso: (sheepishly) Oh, er, I drank yours too. This stuff is just so amazing. Sorry Brynn.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn: (matter-of-factly) Don't worry, I planned for this.

     Brynn retrieves a present wrapped with Brynn-themed wrapping paper from under the tree. She returns to Hanso and thrusts it at him.

     Hanso: (reading the tag on the present) To Brynn, from Hanso.

     Hanso gives it back to Brynn, who opens it to reveal a mug of hot chocolate branded with The Faerieland Craft Council's logo.

     Brynn: Aww, Hanso, you shouldn't have!

     Brynn hugs him and then takes a sip from her mug.

     Off-stage, the characteristic "Ba-dum-tiss" from the drums is heard.

     Hanso: (surprised) Yep, there's that band that I totally still remember is a thing on this set.

     (Crowd laughter)

     There is a knock at the door.

     Hanso: (surprised) Oh yeah, that happens on this set too.

     Hanso goes to open the door. The National Neopian Bank Manager is revealed.

     Hanso: Mr. Money – er, Manager?!?

     Hanso winks to the audience as Brynn goes to grab the Manager a mug of hot chocolate from underneath the tree.

     Manager: (matter-of-factly) Yes, I am here. I was told the mortgage payment on this set is 2 months past due and I need to foreclose.

     Brynn gives the mug to the manager before she and Hanso cast uneasy glances at each other.

     (Crowd "ooh")

     The Manager starts to laugh almost maniacally and takes a sip of his hot chocolate.

     Manager: (cheerfully) Oh, don't worry, that's just a bit of Christmas humour! I wouldn't foreclose on this set – not until after the New Year, anyway!

     (Uncertain crowd applause)

     Hanso: (warily) That's... great. You can negotiate with my employer about that one.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn goes under the tree to retrieve a gift wrapped in Neopoint wrapping paper.

     Hanso: (excitedly) Brynn and I have a special gift for you!

     Manager: (curiously) Oh? What is it?

     Brynn returns from the tree and hands the gift to Hanso.

     Brynn: You can see – but after you do some sort of amazing feat on set!

     Manager: Hmm, I'm not sure...

     Hanso: (hysterically) How about you show us some of your super cool dancing moves?

     Manager: (angrily) I swear that was not me! That Advent Calendar is libelous – you won't catch me dead dancing the woes of the long banking day away! (muttering) The most I'll do is sing.

     Hanso and Brynn in Chorus: (innocently) Ooh, did you say singing?

     Manager: (smirking) I did, actually.

     The Manager puts away his mug. He takes out two big bags of Neopoints and jingles them like bells in a rhythm. The band catches on and starts playing a melody in time to the jingling.

     Manager: (in a relaxed bass) Neopoints, Neopoints! / Make our world go 'round! / Time to buy the Christmas gifts / Listen to that sound! / Jingling, jingling! / (going into baritone) Coincidence you say? / I'm sure bags of Neopoints / (returning to bass) Are what lines Santa's sleigh! / (going into baritone) Santa Skeith's a smart investor! / (returning to bass but losing the rhythm) Who earns 12.5% compound interest a year!

     The band plays some ending chords.

     (Crowd applause and laughter)

     Hanso: (considering) Wow, I wish I earned 12.5% compound interest a year.

     Manager: (borderline wryly) Talk to me after the performance.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn: Manager, that was–

     Manager: (snapping) That's Mr. Manger to you.

     Brynn: (slightly taken aback) Er... Mr. Manager. That was great. You have definitely earned your gift.

     The Manager grins. Hanso takes the top off the box to reveal a Brynnso Commemorative Coin, which Brynn picks up and gives to the Manager.

     Brynn: (excitedly) Freshly minted!

     Hanso: (charismatically) And minty fresh!

     (Crowd laughter and hooting)

     Manager: (in happy disbelief) This is one of the nicest things I've ever gotten! Hanso on the obverse, Brynn on the reverse. I bet it's worth at least a few million Neopoints to the right buyer! Thank you so much!

     The Manager pulls them in for a hug.

     Hanso: (filled with his brand of charismatic innocence) And is it true you know Santa Skeith personally?

     (Crowd laughter)

     Manager: (matter-of-factly) He does have an excellent stock portfolio.

     The Manager winks at the audience, and then the hug ends.

     Brynn: You’re welcome Mr. Manager!

     Manager: (genuinely) You know what? You can call me just Manager.

     Brynn: (beaming) Thanks, Manager!

     Hanso: (beaming) Thanks, Just Manager!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Manager: Well, it's time I get going. But thanks so much for the invitation! I won't be foreclosing on this set anytime soon!

     Hanso and Brynn laugh uncertainly.

     (Crowd applause)

     The Manager exits. Hanso goes and closes the door with a sigh of relief.

     Hanso: (exasperated) Man, first guest down, and I am already feeling beat.

     Brynn: Yeah, he's a bit too foreclosure-happy for me.

     There is a knocking at the door.

     Hanso: Aww, already?

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn goes to open the door. Hannah is revealed.

     (Crowd applause)

     Brynn: (feigning surprise) Hannah, from such unforgettable adventures as Hannah and the Pirate Caves, Hannah and the Ice Caves, and Hannah and the Kreludor Caves?

     Hannah: (giggling) Quite the introduction, but you forgot my biggest adventure – sorting my cavernous wardrobe!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Hanso: (matter-of-factly) Oh, I've been there. Even with only one style of outfit, I've got to make sure I look my best.

     Hanso winks at the audience before he goes to fetch a mug of hot chocolate from beneath the tree.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn: So Hannah, what have you been up to these days?

     Hannah: (dismissively) Using an ancient artifact to save Neopia from certain doom.

     Hanso: (as dismissively) Join the club.

     (Crowd laughter and hooting)

     Hanso hands her the mug of hot chocolate, and she sips appreciatively.

     Hannah: This tastes awesome! Way better than the drinks at the Golden Dubloon.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn: (genuinely) So Hannah, how is Kanrik?

     Hannah: Aye, he's isn't doing the best right now. But the Thieves Guild medics are predicting him to make a full recovery. He has decided to adopt the pseudonym "K" and blames me for that, but eh – I have ways to placate thieves like him.

     Hanso: (sarcastically) I think I could make a good head of the Thieves Guild in his absence, eh?

     Hanso gently elbows Hannah. Hannah giggles at him and pushes him away. Playful teasing banter ensues.

     Hannah: Come on Ixi Boy, you couldn't take the pressure.

     Hanso: Says the one whose next-to-last adventure was literally in near zero-atmosphere.

     Off-stage, the characteristic "Ba-dum-tiss" from the drums is heard.

     Hannah: You don't think you've gone soft, thieving for Fyora herself?

     Hanso: In the name of my employer, are you kidding? It takes mad dedication NOT to steal from the Hidden Tower! And what about you? What was the last big treasure you took?

     Hannah: A giant crystal to save Neopia's volatile core, obviously. And it was only slightly more valuable than my Kreludor haul.

     Hanso: Alright, fair point. You've done pretty well for a former waitress.

     Hannah: And you've done pretty well for someone whose crowning achievement was being called a Master of Insults.

     Hanso: Hey! That's a title anyone would be proud to possess. Too bad that's something you CAN'T steal!

     Brynn: (trying to interject) Guys–

     Hannah: I bet your boss wouldn't like you associating with the Thieves Guild again.

     Hanso: Maybe, but Brynn wouldn't like it more.

     Brynn: (annoyed) Guys! Come on Hanso, you wouldn't really trade your life now to be back with the Guild?

     Hanso: Nah, getting to steal – I mean hunt artifacts alongside you is way better!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Hannah shakes Hanso's hand.

     Hannah: (playful) Always good to go head to head with a master of wit.

     Hanso: And insults. But likewise! (thinking) Hey, we should host a performance together sometime! Call it the Hann-so Hour... Oh wait, the Han-nah – no, that's no better.

     Hannah: (smirking) We'll talk about it later, Ixi Boy.

     Brynn steps between Hannah and Hanso. She glares at Hannah.

     Brynn: (jealous) OK, OK, we're done now.

     Hannah gives her a genuine smile.

     Hannah: (whispering) Don't worry, I know he's yours. And as a gesture of good will, after the performance, I'll let you in on some of those 'ways to placate thieves' I talked about earlier, if you catch my drift.

     Hannah winks. Brynn wryly smiles back at her.

     (Crowd hooting)

     Brynn: You got a deal.

     Brynn shakes Hannah's hand, and then snaps her fingers. Hanso runs to retrieve a present wrapped in cavernous wrapping paper from under the tree.

     Hanso: (excitedly) Yeah, Hannah, we've got a gift for you!

     Hannah: (less excitedly) And I'm bettin' I have to sing for it?

     Hanso returns from the tree.

     Hanso: Yes-sir-ee-K!

     Hannah: (sighing) Alright.

     The band starts playing a majestic intro.

     Hannah: (in a medium alto) Oh I find myself here / On the B.C.S. Set / For some revelry that / I won't ever forget! / This hot chocolate washes / Away all my regrets! / I'm so glad / To have spent some Christmas here!

     The band plays an interlude.

     Hannah: Chattin' it up / With Ixi Boy and Brynn / Artifact huntin' pals / They're practically my kin! / The tree and the snow / The festivities begin! / I'm so glad / To have spent some Christmas here!

     The band plays an interlude.

     Hannah: (taking it higher) I stand here / Among my friends! / How I wish this season / Would never end! / (and into soprano range) But there's always / Adventuring to do! / Though I'll do it renewed / With thoughts of you!

     The band plays a metal-chime-y slide back down.

     Hannah: (back in medium alto) The season is just / Such a wond'rous reprieve / A great gift of real joy / For all those who believe! / And it's awesome to give–

     Hannah holds up her mug and points to the present.

     Hannah: But also nice to receive

     (Crowd laughter)

     Hannah: I'm so glad / (a bit higher) It fills me with Christmas cheer! / (back down) I'm so glaaad to have / Spent some Christmas heeeeere!

     The band plays an outro.

     (Crowd applause)

     Hanso: That was really great!

     Brynn: For sure! Truly amazing!

     Hanso: I liked how we're your kin! And how you worked your gift into the song!

     Hannah: (semi-sarcastically) Speaking of my gift... is it a rare and one-of-a-kind artifact from your adventures?

     Brynn: Nooo, that would be reckless and irresponsible.

     Hanso: (filled with his brand of charismatic innocence) It's just a replica of one instead!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Hanso takes the top off the box to reveal a replica of the artifact he used in the battle against Xandra.

     Hannah: (excited) Oh wow, sweet!

     Brynn: And it's even better!

     She turns it over. Brynn and Hanso's faces are carved into its other side.

     Hannah gives them a hug.

     Hannah: Thanks so much you guys!

     Hanso and Brynn in Chorus: Anytime! Bye!

     Hannah: Farewell!

     Hannah exits.

     (Crowd applause)

     Hanso: Well, that was nice.

     Brynn: (grinning) It was!

     Brynn closes the door.

     Immediately, there is a knocking at the door.

     Hanso: We just can't catch a break, huh?

     Brynn: Not on this set, unfortunately.

     Hanso goes to open the door. Aurrick and Lyra are revealed.

     (Crowd applause)

     Hanso: (feigning surprise) The thief and the girl who couldn't get over the wall from that thing last year?

     (Crowd laughter)

     Aurrick and Lyra frown and step inside as Hanso closes the door behind them. Meanwhile, Brynn goes to fetch a couple mugs of hot chocolate.

     Aurrick: (with playful resentment) We have names you know.

     Brynn: Yeah Hanso! Here, AURRICK and LYRA.

     Brynn gives Aurrick and Lyra each a mug of hot chocolate. Aurrick and Lyra smile and take sips of their respective glasses.

     Aurrick: Thanks so much, this is really great!

     Hanso: (apologetically) OK, sorry. So, AURRICK and LYRA, have you done anything since the daring wall climb?

     Aurrick and Lyra glare at Hanso.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Aurrick, Lyra, and Brynn in Chorus: *sigh* Oh, Hanso!

     (Crowd cheering and hooting)

     Lyra: (sheepishly) Well, I've kind of been on the run...

     Aurrick: (confidently) And I've accidentally released havoc-wreaking ancient creatures into Neopia and now we need to destroy them.

     Hanso: (with matching confidence) You sound like a good fit for the club Hannah and I are starting!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn: (confused) So, it's great you're on set and all, but... if you have terrible monsters to kill, why are you here?

     Brynn gives Aurrick and Lyra an uncertain smile.

     Aurrick grins charismatically and Lyra raises her scimitar.

     Aurrick and Lyra in Chorus: We wanted to thank both of you!

     Hanso and Brynn look taken aback.

     (Crowd murmuring)

     Aurrick: Yeah! You were front and center in the fight against the Wraiths when all the faeries turned to stone almost a decade ago!

     Lyra: Everyone knew you! You were insta-celebrities, and insta-role models... Including to Aurrick and I.

     Aurrick turns to Hanso.

     Aurrick: (nostalgic) As a young thief in Qasala, I idolized you and your charisma. A kind-hearted and sweet talking thief with a noble sense of purpose, of right and wrong. What you did, before and after The Faeries' Ruin, was extraordinary!

     Lyra turns to Brynn.

     Lyra: (nostalgic) And same with me and you, Brynn! Having to train to become my father's warrior... I didn't like it, but I took a great degree of courage and confidence from seeing you. Captain of the Brightvale and later Faerieland Guard, a true swords-woman and master of her weapon-wielding craft – of course I was going to idolize you.

     (Crowd "aww!")

     Aurrick: We've always wanted to tell you, and figured that now was the best time – Neopet's 20th Anniversary.

     Lyra: Indeed, we might not get another ch0ance.

     Hanso and Brynn in Chorus: Aww!

     Hanso and Aurrick hug, and Brynn and Lyra hug. The hugs release. Brynn goes to the tree to fetch two presents, each wrapped in Legends and Letters-themed wrapping paper.

     Hanso: (playfully accusingly) But don't think this won't get you out of having to sing for your present.

     Aurrick: (playfully defeatedly) Oh darn, I really thought it would!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn returns with the gifts and forcedly grins at the promise of singing.

     The band plays a quick snappy intro.

     Aurrick: (in a high baritone) Oh, we're here for a Merry Christmas!

     Lyra: (echoes in a low soprano) Here for a Merry Christmas!

     Aurrick: (going a bit higher) To say Merry Christmas, to you!

     Lyra: Here we are by the Christmas tree!

     Aurrick: Sipping hot cocoa as it should be!

     Lyra: Oh, we're here for a Merry Christmas!

     Aurrick: (echoes) Here for a Merry Christmas!

     Lyra: To all 'pets peace and goodwill!

     Aurrick: Love and joy this season instills!

     Aurrick and Lyra in Chorus: Merry Christmas – to you!

     The band vamps an OOM-PAH interlude.

     Aurrick and Lyra turn to face Hanso and Brynn.

     Aurrick: (recitative) Seriously, to be on stage with both of you–

     Lyra: (recitative, continuing where Aurrick left off) It's like a nostalgic dream come true–

     Aurrick: A time from when we were but youth–

     Lyra: Finding ourselves lost in others' truth–

     Aurrick: We looked to you and found our way–

     Lyra: And this Christmas season, so to repay–

     Aurrick: We'd like to offer you a gift in return.

     Aurrick pulls out a gift wrapped in Hanso-themed paper and gives it to Hanso. Lyra pulls out a gift wrapped in Brynn-themed paper and gives it to Brynn.

     (Crowd hooting)

     Hanso and Brynn open their gifts. Inside Brynn's are two small action figures, one of Aurrick and the other of Lyra. Inside Hanso's is a Sakhmet Walls Playset.

     Hanso: Awww, now I can make you go over the walls again whenever I want! That's so sweet, you shouldn't have.

     Brynn rolls her eyes.

     Brynn: (semi-sarcastically) Yeah, you shouldn't have. But the action figures are nice.

     (Crowd laughter)

     The band modulates to a slightly higher key.

     Aurrick: (in a low tenor) Oh, we're here for a Merry Christmas!

     Lyra: (echoes in a medium soprano) Here for a Merry Christmas!

     Aurrick: (going a bit higher) To say Merry Christmas, to you!

     Lyra: Here we are by the fireplace!

     Aurrick: Strengthening bonds of Neo-grace!

     Lyra: Oh, we're here for a Merry Christmas!

     Aurrick: (echoes) Here for a Merry Christmas!

     Lyra: And we feel truly blessed!

     Aurrick: As snow flits 'round, once more we'll express

     Aurrick and Lyra in Chorus: Merry Christmas – to you!

     The band plays an outro.

     (Crowd applause)

     Hanso: (elated) Well that was truly fantastic! Thanks so much you two!

     Brynn: Indeed! I hope our gifts don't pale in comparison, heh.

     Aurrick and Lyra take and open their gifts. It is a matching set of Hanso and Brynn decorative scimitars.

     Aurrick and Lyra in Chorus: (wide-eyed) Oooh!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Hanso and Brynn in Chorus: We knew you'd like them!

     Lyra: Thanks so much for having us!

     Aurrick: Indeed! It's been a blast, but we have, er, work to do.

     Brynn: No, thank you! So much! Enjoy doing that work! Or at least try to.

     Aurrick laughs and opens the door.

     Lyra: Bye!

     Aurrick and Lyra exit.

     Hanso: (tired) Man, I thought they'd never leave!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn: (smiling) Come on Hanso, don't be like that. It was really fun. They were really inspiring.

     The band starts playing some light but emotionally-driven Christmas music.

     Brynn: (emotional) They showed us the true meaning of season. How we should be kind to one another, love each other. Tell each other how much we care. Oh, I can almost hear the angelic hosts heralding–

     Hanso gives a giant sneeze.

     Brynn: (somewhat upset) Hanso! I was in the middle of–

     Hanso: Sorry Brynn. You weren't far off with the angelic hosts – I'm allergic to Angelpi.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Hanso points to the still open door. Brynn turns around to see Plumpy.

     (Crowd applause)

     Plumpy growls.

     (Crowd laughter and hooting)

     Hanso runs under the tree and fetches a mug of hot chocolate with a bacon stick in it. He hands it to Brynn, but otherwise maintains a far distance from Plumpy. Brynn pulls Plumpy in and closes the door before setting the mug in front of Plumpy. Plumpy drinks greedily.

     (Crowd "aww!")

     Brynn: Plumpy, do you have anything to say or to show us?

     Plumpy doesn't say anything.

     Brynn: (slyly) Plumpy, do you have anything to sing to us?

     Plumpy clears his throat and wobbles forward, taking center-stage. The band starts to play Christmas-themed music.

     (Crowd applause)

     Plumpy: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow! / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow! / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow! / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow! / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow / Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!

     (Crowd cheering and hooting)

     Hanso: (emotional) That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard! I'm on the verge of tears! (realization dawn) Oh, that might just be my allergies.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Hanso goes under the tree and retrieves a gift wrapped in bacon wrapping paper. He hands it to Brynn, but otherwise maintains a far distance from Plumpy. Brynn sets the gift in front of Plumpy. Plumpy scratches it open to reveal a Brynnso-themed Petpet Feeding Dish, filled with bacon. Plumpy starts to purr.

     (Crowd "aww!")

     Brynn goes to open the door to let him out.

     Brynn: Bye Plumpy!

     Plumpy wobbles and tries to push his gift out the door. He cannot. A Moehog stagehand comes onstage with a snowflake-themed wagon. He picks up Plumpy and the dish and puts them on the wagon.

     Hanso: (surprised) I totally remember Jesse the Intern, too.

     James: James the Intern.

     Hanso: Oops, yes, James! You must be pretty strong to lift Plumpy!

     Plumpy growls.

     (Crowd laughter)

     James leaves out the door, pulling the wagon behind him. Hanso goes to close the door.

     Brynn: (excitedly) Well, everyone, that about brings us to the end of A Brynnso Christmas Special 4!

     Immediately, the door opens. Fyora is revealed.

     Fyora: Not so fast!

     Brynn: (surprised) Fyora, how did you open the set door?

     Hanso: (matching the surprise) Yeah, I thought it only opens from the inside while the performance is live?

     Fyora: (majestically) Christmas magic, Hanso.

     Hanso: (realization dawn) Ohhh, I get it.

     He grins and nods casually at Brynn. Brynn rolls her eyes.

     Brynn: (flatly) And before you ask, yes, Fyora, you did miss all the guests' singing.

     Fyora: (frowning) For Fyora's sake, I didn't want to miss Plumpy's solo this year!

     (Crowd laughter)

     Fyora: (regally) Well, it's time for that last part of the show.

     Brynn: Yep! It's time we thank the audience.

     Hanso: (surprised) Right! That happens too.

     (Crowd laughter)

     Brynn: (excitedly) On behalf of Hanso, Fyora, all the guests we had this evening, and The Faerieland Craft Council... Good night, Neopia, and have a great Christmas!

     All the guests get back on stage, including James pulling Plumpy on the wagon. Each guest is sporting their mug, with the logo of the Faerieland Craft Council facing the audience. With their free hand, they wave to the crowd.

     Christmas themed music plays to serve as an outro.


     The preceding was "A Brynnso Christmas Special 4!"

     On behalf of the Faerieland Craft Council, we hope you enjoyed it.

     THE END

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