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Foods With A Smiling Face

by parshew


     There are so many delicious and nutritious foods to be found in Neopia! Faerieland has incredibly light and airy delicacies, the Haunted Woods have their own brand of spooky surprises, Maraqua has some of the best food at their famous restaurant Kelp. There is no shortage of good food to be found. There is also no shortage of gross, weird, and unsettling food around. For me, food that looks right back at me as I eat it freaks me out, and if that food has a giant smile plastered on their face then I am downright mortified. It's enough to make me go vegan!

     Service with a smile is great, but food with a smile is creepy and I don't like it. A lot of people are not aware that this is even a thing and I am here to bring it to your attention. I want to show you all the foods I hate to eat and hate to look at it. For some of you, you may love these kinds of things and you might even start a gallery featuring them. To that I say good for you, I won't be visiting any time soon.


     Pickled Eel

     A holiday favourite, full flavoured, succulent and slippery!

     Eel has a terrible slippery and slimy texture that is gross enough on its own. It is hard to believe that anyone likes eating this stuff to begin with and it is just made worse that its face is right there for you to look back at! It has a big grin, almost like it enjoyed the pickling process. Eating an animal's lips with my lips just does not sit right with me. Do eels have teeth? Were they removed? It makes my stomach turn to just think about crunching down on an eel tooth. YUCK!!


     Disturbing Gelatin

     This is one accurately-named gelatin.

     This completely unsettling pile of gelatin is a result of Artists' Day Off. That is a day that all the artists at Neopets take a day off to enjoy themselves and the rest of the staff steps up to draw some interesting looking items. This gelatin isn't anything like the rest of the jelly on the site, it appears to have hair and teeth which is gross enough, but it has a disturbingly long tongue coming out of its twisted smile. Items like this make me really happy we have the amazing artists we do at Neopets.


     Slimy Pumpkin Soup

     How strange, this pumpkin soup is green...

     The food itself may not be smiling but the pumpkin it is served in sure does have an evil glare to it. The toothy-grin of a jack o lantern is not comforting when you are eating a bowl of slimy green soup that you stir with a bone. Why is there just a whole bone plopped in there? What makes this soup so slimy? What is it even made of? No one really knows, I guess, but I assume it has a pumpkin flavor to it. Strange.


     Smiley Pizza

     A cheese and tomato pizza with the tomatoes arranged in a smiley face shape.

     While not directly scary, this pizza still gives me the heebie jeebies. Yeah, sure, it is simple enough as an arrangement of tomatoes to make the smile. But WHY!? Why does my pizza need to smile back at me? What is it plotting, what does it want from me? A lot of normal people would probably find this cute and fun, but I'm not convinced. It is a gourmet food due to its rarity, but just because something is gourmet doesn't mean it won't attack you if you turn away from it.


     Smiley Pancakes

     Buttermilk pancakes topped with a pat of butter, two fried eggs, and a strip of bacon.

     A smile made of bacon is one of the creepiest things. I'm pretty sure that that bacon came from an innocent Snorkle somewhere. And those bright yellow dead eyes that stare up at me as I'm pouring syrup over them, the syrup becoming like tears before I devour this pancake's life whole.


     Upside Down Smiley Cone

     This happy treat will turn your Neopets frown upside down :)

     I mentioned the dead eyes on the Smiley Pancakes but these eyes bring that to the next level. They are perfectly round red balls, presumably some type of chocolate candy, just staring into the distance as if they are lost in terrible thoughts. The ice cream plasters on a bright pink smile as if everything is going to be okay, but it is starting to melt and my hungry belly wants delicious ice cream so no, it won't be okay for him. He is dressed up a little like a clown with that hat but his days of bringing joy will end as soon as he's eaten. These are things I don't want to think about when I am just trying to eat my dessert.


     Grilled Sandfish

     So close to sushi, you can barely see the grill marks.

     This dish goes beyond the smile on the fish's face for me. It is a SANDfish, mostly made of sand. The grittiness of the sand against your teeth as you try to chew is like nails on a chalkboard. I respect that some people like this exotic food but I have to really question why. It is slightly cooked, so you are getting toasted sand. Uh...I'll visit the Lost Desert if I want sand in my teeth, thanks.


     Meerca Sushi

     How did they get this sushi to look like a Meerca?

     There are lots of food items with names like "Meerca Sushi" where a Neopets name is featured in the title and it is in the shape of that Neopet, but does it also contain that Neopet? Is this sushi made with an actual Meerca, kind of like how some people eat Grundo toes with lint? Is this ethical? Should someone step in and stop this practice? Or maybe I am totally wrong and it is fish sushi that just looks like a Meerca. But was it a Koi that went into it in that case??


     Kookith Vegan Platter

     Too tenderhearted to eat food shaped like your favourite Petpet? Rest easy. Only the container resembles Kookith.

     Let's wrap up this list with something that I am okay with eating. This is a vegan platter, so we know it does not contain any pets or petpets and it is only shaped like a Kookith. The smile is 100% plant based and isn't some type of creature that had its face twisted in its final seconds of life. There are a few other vegan platters and bento boxes out there for variety and if you hate smiling food like I do, stick to those.

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