The Dark Lord's Feast

     Greetings, puny worms. I am Commander Scar, your all-powerful ruler. I suggest you bow before me now.

     I have decided to let you know a little more about me, as you have met other members of my army. I'm a Kau, and even though my color says "Baby", I'm anything but. I'm strong, dark, and muscular...And I have been through more than you could ever imagine!

     You see these clawed hands? I didn't get them by playing with blocks. I got them...Well, it doesn't matter, I got them.

     Anyway, I bet that you've got millions of questions inside your pathetic skulls, yes? If one of those questions happens to be about what I like to eat, then you're in for a treat! I am going to list some of my top favorite foods of all time! Be warned, they may be too much for weak fools like you, so if you're squeamish and need to leave, now's the chance.

     So you're staying? Good. I may invite you for dinner sometime...Heh heh.

     Now you may think that a Kau would only like greens and plants? So surely I would rather eat veggies and grass...Right?

     WRONG!

     I love meat! I crave every ounce of it, and the satisfying taste of it soothes me...It's the only thing I would ever eat, and I enjoy it. I don't care where it comes from; Pet, Petpet, maybe a fallen foe..? Yes, I'll take it!

     Enough of this, here are my top five meat products, in no particular order.

     Blumaroo Steak - Oh yes, how I love steak...And Blumaroo Steak is even more satisfying and juicy than your ordinary steak! It's very filling and goes great with a cold Eyeball Slushie. My soldiers know how much I love this delicacy, and always do their best to serve it as much as they can.

      Continuous Meat - What's better than a plate of meat, you ask? A plate of CONTINUOUS MEAT! After a hard battle, I'm always hungry and ready to devour anything and everything that's around me, and when I'm given one of these, I know I'm in for a delicious feast! I don't even need a drink with this most of the time, they're that filling!

     Chunk of Meat - The most commonly given treat, my servants know how much I love meat, and even when it's hard to come by, they can always scrounge up one of these. Like Blumaroo Steak, these are super juicy and just thinking about it now...*scrapes claws together*...Heh, moving on!

      Rancid Old Meat - I didn't say that all the meat I ate was FRESH! I sometimes hunt for my own food, and most of the time, this is what I'm stuck with. Not that I'm complaining or anything...As long as it's meat, I'll take it. And it even comes with a bone to pick the remains out of my teeth afterwards, ha!

      Meat Kabob - Another piece my soldiers tend to serve me, complete with a weapon from a fallen foe! I love to eat around the weapon, and then use the weapon against others...After giving it a few alterations, of course. My weaponsmaster, Nunya, is very good with that sort of thing so I always give them to him so he can make something new out of them. And the meat is always very satisfying as well.

      Now you know what I enjoy to eat, but now I bet you're wondering...What do I drink with these meals? Heh, you're a curious one, aren't you?

     Well, I already mentioned the Eyeball Slushie, but I do like other drinks as well.

     Bloody Slushie - Hmm, does it live up to it's name? You decide. I'm quite fond of this drink, and my servants can even create it themselves! I don't need to take a trip to Happy Valley for one of these, ha! Oh, did I spoil the surprise? Too bad!

      Mutant Brain Slushie - No, this drink won't make you smarter...But it'll make ME stronger! I enjoy taking the lid off the cup and slurping out the strings, to be quite honest...Think of it as improved spaghetti. Only five times more slimy (and delicious)!

      Skeith Juice Cocktail - Ah, how I love to share this with my greatest follower...It's got a very distinct flavor and it always leaves me craving more! May or may not be from real Skeiths...Seriously, it's a Wraithcon X secret. What's no secret is that it's GOOD!

      Chilled Eyeball Custard - Very cold and very sweet, yet satisfying after a hard earned victory (as well as a thick piece of meat). Yes, the eyeball is real, but don't knock it until you've tried it! It's normally frozen so you can't do anything but bite it anyway...But me, I like to just pop it into my stomach (I didn't tell you about the mouth I have in there, did I?) and leave it at that.

      Tentacled Alien Drink - Not the most satisfying of them all, but definitely the fanciest. Maybe it's because of the rarity I don't have many of these. But after a huge success, I love to enjoy one of these with my follower. Like the Mutant Brain Slushie, I love to slurp out the tentacles and then drink the liquid inside. For something with "Alien" in its name, it's very rich and not for the weak stomach!

      There are some of my favorite drinks, have you had enough?

     Well, if the answer's "yes", too bad because I have a few shout outs for other foods I really enjoy:

     Korbat Wing Soup/Wing of Korbat - Rarely have this, but always a treat when I do.

     Grundo Stix - Every mutant Grundo that crosses my path...You've been warned!

     Jellied Eyeballs - Not near as cold as the Eyeball Custard, but very fun to eat.

     Pickled Feet/Pickled Eyeballs - We have plenty of these stored for a quick snack.

     Gargaraptor Arm/Raptraphant Leg - Tough on the outside, juicy on the inside! ALWAYS love having these, especially in one meal!

     Liver Smoothie - My favorite drink of all time, to be quite honest.

      Oh, what do you know? All of this talk about food is making me hungry! Heh heh...If you want to run...NOW'S THE CHANCE! *flashes claws*