Caution: Quills may be sharp Circulation: 195,181,382 Issue: 829 | 1st day of Relaxing, Y20
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Edna the Avatar Thief (Part 1)

by m0nster_rancher


     Edna the witch is probably one of the more written about villains in the Neopian Times. Villain you might say? Well villain she is indeed! Not even Dr. Sloth himself would have the nerve to ask for 20,000 Neopoints of items per quest and not give a pesky avatar out! Edna has no such limitations. She resides at her witch tower which is over endowed with cobwebs but isn't lacking in deceit and lies.

     The sky was black as usual and Edna was up to her old tricks. Dressed in a tattered old shawl and a face that hadn't seen the treatment of cosmetics in hundreds of years she wasn't a lady one would strike as rich and certainly not as beautiful. However when most of the avatar chat are trying to get her notorious avatar ten times a day, they try and glamorize this old ghoul in any way possible! But nobody knew the secrets which lay inside Edna's 'humble' looking tower. Underneath the shocking spirals lay the biggest literal pool of items anyone had laid their eyes on. Edna was a hoarder! What made matters worse was that she only ever asks for items of a common rarity so they aren't expensive and extravagant by any means. They are numerous and they have no real use apart from feeding the nightmarish desire in Edna's shimmering ghastly blood.

     A knock at the door interrupted Edna's geriatric fantasies.

     "Oh hello!" Edna cackled at her latest victim of avatar extortion.

     "May you please bring me a Buttered Popcorn, an Acara Day Waffles and an Amazing Apple Usul Cake?" she cackled invitingly before the young user even had a chance to speak.

     "Of course! I'll just go and grab those fast off the shop wizard!" The unknowing Neopet trainer said sharply.

     Well they didn't finish out too sharp because Edna wasn't giving no avatar!

     Was it because the trainer wasn't good looking enough? Wasn't nice enough? Wasn't old enough? Wasn't scary enough? The truth is, demented Edna was only thinking about two concepts in her wizened 500 year old mind. Hoarding and dinner! Being nasty was a concept she didn't even have to think about; it ran in her blood.

     "Mmmmm, I think I'll eat the popcorn like it's a movie and watch this poor trainer go without his little petty avatar, nom nom ha ha!" Edna cackled.

     She was a piece of work, there was no denying that! Chortling and locking her tower doors, she headed down into her cellar and slammed the door behind her in a pleased rage. As the door shut, the door of her safety deposit box burst open immediately, strewing thousands upon thousands of junk items all over the floor. This was such a discovery as the maximum size of safety deposit boxes hadn't yet been established!

     "Looks like the safety deposit box limit seems to be 500,000!" Edna cackled to herself.

     She jumped into the pile of items like it was a bath and swam around in the items she had worked 'so hard' for. But what would she do now? Her cellar was only so big, it could only probably store another 50,000 items which wouldn't even put a dent in her desires.

     "I think I'll go to Granny Hobobbin and see if she can help me out! Last Charity Corner she had a perk shop that increased your inventory after all" Edna plotted huffily.

     It took Edna the old Zafara a lot of courage, but she eventually ventured out of her castle for the first time in five hundred years which was astounding for someone as home bound as her. Walking down the street and without the protection of her tower would come with some consequences however. Not long after getting out of the tower she was spotted by the very same trainer who had given her the questing items just hours before.

     "Hey Edna! Give me my avatar! Or come to the Battledome!" The trainer said in an outrage.

     "Oh no, please don't hurt me!" Edna said in a falsely fearful voice, trying to hobble away.

     The truth was that Edna was well prepared for battle. Even though she had such a compulsion to throw all her stolen junk in her safety deposit box she knew that without good defense she would have been overthrown from her tower of horrors a lot sooner. She tore off her shawl in an absolute rampage and her skinny elderly arms suddenly bulked in size. The trainer looked in drowning shock as Edna turned into a green ogreish monster that looked like something straight out a cartoon superhero TV series.

     "B-but, the Battledome only rated you as 50 difficulty on hard" The trainer said, falling down in understandable anguish.

     Edna cackled arrogantly.

     "They haven't rated me since I got out of my beautiful tower some five hundred years ago," Edna tormented menacingly and scarily.

     "I'm over 9000 bro" Edna said in a chilled voice.

     Edna would have had such a good career as a movie actress instead of a crazed witch, but no matter. She drew her Wand of the Dark Faerie at a very climatic moment and it gave her big pleasure.

     "P-please," a tiny voice on the ground shrunk.

     "Please is not in my dictionary, well.. I have about five hundred copies of 'Quick Reference Dictionary'" Edna cackled.

     "Oops!" Edna said as her Wand of the Dark Faerie issued an appropriately purple blast of darkness right at the trainer.

     Edna cackled at the pile of soot remaining and collected it up to put into her ever over flowing safety deposit box.

     "You make such a pretty pile of soot, oh you" Edna said fondly.

     "Now to go and see dear old granny!" Edna said triumphantly.

     She hobbled along looking like quite the unknowing geriatric and came across Granny's caravan and knocked on the door in such a disgustingly false manner. Thankfully nobody came in her way during that time because the ogre adrenaline was still pumping hard. Granny Hobobbin opened the door and smirked as soon as she saw Edna. This granny was nothing like she appeared to be in her kind little Charity Corner events. Cold and as callous as Edna herself, the two were definite partners in crime. The usual catch up routine for the old cunning two seemed as normal as having a cup of tea. They nodded and unsheathed their Wand of the Dark Faeries and they went to an old wooden wall outside the caravan. They took turns at taking shots at the wall, seeming vastly uninterested as they did so. Blasting from 40 million Neopoint wands was just their style.

     "So why did you come here Edna?" Granny finally asked, putting her wand on the wooden board next to them like it was a wooden kitchen spoon or something of the sort.

     "Well Granny the fact of the matter is, my poor safety deposit box is overflowing and I was wondering if you could put together a perk for me," Edna cackled.

     "Oh why certainly dear! But you'll have to give me 50,000 rarity 80 items for next Charity Corner!" Granny said firmly.

     "Give you what? A cup of tea?" Edna cackled mockingly, pretending to be deaf and putting her paw on her saggy ear.

     "Oh come on Edna, your hearing didn't get that bad in the last 100 years. Don't make me blast you" Granny said, obviously triggered.

     "40,000!" Edna snapped coldly.

     "Meet me in the middle and we have a deal" Granny smirked.

     Edna extended her bushy green grubby paw and Granny extended her yellow equivalent. At that very moment, the Smuggler's Cove Bruce came out of the shadows, surrounded by his army of Smuggler's Cove goons. Edna and Granny jumped very high. These bandits had been on their trail for as long as they could remember and the two old ladies were exceptionally scared of them because they were always ready for a fight.

     "Tie up these clowns!" the Bruce shouted.

     Edna reached for her Wand of the Dark Faerie she had carelessly placed on the wooden board but the Bruce had a lot younger legs than Edna in her elderly form.

     "I'll be taking that!" the Bruce said sharply.

     "You've been watching us! You cowards, sneaking up on old ladies!" Granny spat.

     "Let me handle it," Edna mouthed to Granny through her ruffled up green lady whiskers.

     "Can you bring me a Yellow Bicycle, a Negg and a Tomato please?" Edna said in her hypnotic questing voice.

     "Yes Master," the Bruce droned, blinded by his spontaneous want of the Edna avatar.

     Edna seized her moment and grabbed the wand off the Bruce and backed into a corner with Granny, ready for the battle that was sure to ensue.

     To be continued…

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


TWELVE Tips to Help You Succeed in Life:Part Twelve

by downrightdude


Return to Neo
This shouldn't take long...

by cami_v27


Battledome Time
Just gonna borrow them for a bit.

by hamster_z


5 Beach Looks That Shine!
The snow has melted, the days are getting longer and longer, and the sun is finally out and is shining all around Neopia! As the temperature rises on thermometers everywhere, the prime time for beach adventures is only just around the corner! To prepare you for the sand and the sea, we have put together five fresh and fun beach looks for your Neopet!

Written in collaboration with mel_liew_ming_li

by teukieteukie

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.