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The Kadoatery Safety Guide


by apocalyp2e_arii2en

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     The Kadoatery -- a fun happy place for the whole Neopian family, except for the fact that you have an assortment of never ending cries of hungry, hungry Kadoaties waiting for their dreamie foods to be fed in their semi-circular pie-holed mouths. The release of this widely known facility led to the movement of new-age Petpet feeding. These Kadoaties are to be locked in the safety of their own little cage while their owners are away, to prevent any other physical damage they could cause to themselves. However, they are not to stay there on an empty stomach, and will cry out to any nearby Neopian who is willing to accept the request of these poor, hungry Petpets.

     For many Kad-feeding veterans and amateurs alike (like myself), the Kadoatery is like Half Price Day, once the facility starts restocking fresh new crybaby Kads, people will literally RUN to any Kad at speeds that could make any Altador Cup athlete embarrass themselves. The only difference unfortunately, is that the food you pay isn't half the price. Don't quote me on that. Because the Kadoatery is such a small facility only hosting a maximum of twenty (20) different Kadoaties, that means only 20 Neopians are lucky enough to feed them at a short amount of time, while the rest get to be stumped, owned, and disappointed by themselves that all the Kads had already been well-fed. This feeling gets worse for the ones who had bought the right food for a certain Kad, but upon returning, the Kad had already been fed to a faster generous Neopian. It's all in the same old, same old cycle of: Find Kad, Buy food for Kad, Return to Kad, Realize that the Kad has already been fed, Get angry at Kad. Get angry at themselves. Lather, rinse, repeat with no profit. All of this only to get the smiles of these elusively greedy creatures.

     With a certain amount of practice (as cheesy as that phrase can be), feeding a Kad can be a fun experience, especially with a small happy community willing to keep track of restock times, provide a wide arrangement of guides and advices for the open-eared, open-minded Neopet, and fill-in the boring minutes of waiting times with heart-warming banter. Now, with these thoughts, you now might be thinking: "Huh, the Kadoatery might not be such a bad place at all right?" That's where you are wrong! Because it is not only the Kadoatery that makes things dangerous, it is the journey of feeding a Kad itself that makes it dangerous!

     Which is why I have compiled a helpful safety guide, for the men, women, and pets alike who are willing to take the "Road to Pink and Beyond" in a much safer route! Amateurs and professionals alike can take notes on this.

     Kaddiction

     As mentioned, the Kadoatery can be a fun experience, but what is not mentioned is that the Kadoatery can be an ADDICTING experience. This is known as Kadoatery Addiction, more prominently known as Kaddiction. According to an experiment in the Neopian Statistics Board for Social Sciences, with its 20-Kad limitaions, the more you fail to feed a Kad the more you are determined to continue feeding a Kad. This inverse relationship of Kad feeding is one of the theoretical proofs on why Kaddiction is a severe case. Further calculation tells us that it takes two whole days for one to feed 27 Kadoaties, considering that you had fed them for every restock. This calculation is not to be taken into consideration and is not to be attempted at all costs!

     Controversial doctors (Excluding Sloth) had made proposals to the Neopian Hospital to consider Kaddiction as a disease, as several symptoms include, staying up all night for restocks, excessive hoarding of Kad-approved items, constant viewing of the Kadoatery, immediately heading to the Kadoatery once a restock has been notified, and the general fact that they could not help but talk about the Kadoatery on a daily basis.

     An improvement from a current state of Kaddiction would be an ample amount of rest and relaxation to one's self. Keep away from the vicinity of the Kadoatery at all times during resting periods. A recommended distance would be the distance from your Neohome to Kreludor (If you are a Kreludan resident, consider the distance from your home to Moltara).

     Kadding Under the Influence (KUI)

     A Neopian feeder with a clear mind and a clear goal of what to do is the most recommended requirement for feeding a Kadoatie, but a Neopian who had just drank seven mugs of grog from The Golden Dubloon and considered feeding a Kadoatie afterwards would be Kadding Under the Influence (KUI).

     Any sparkling beverages consumed within the past 48 hours is something to be concerned of, as the effects from those beverages can lead to mild perturbances in the brain, which will then lead to wide misdirection and mishaps while you attempt to feed a Kad.

     A Neopian who is Kadding Under the Influence is suggested not to visit the Kadoatery during it's 48-hour consumption, as the Kadoaties might be scared off and refuse to be fed by someone whose mind isn't currently stable at the time. To get back in the normal mood, do a body check and remember if you have consumed anything within the past 48 hours. Remember to drink some water as well and some other healthy beverages afterwards to get back into your normal state of mind. An active brain is needed to feed a Kad, because you need all its reflexes in order to please them with your sacrificed food. As a side note, If you are walking incredibly silly after drinking any fruit favored Sparkling Juice, apply Kaddiction restrictions.

     Self-Feeding

     As a lot of Neopians continue feeding these lovely Kadoaties, many have realized that Kad feeding can be a hungry, mouth-watering experience. Some Kads demand to be fed with delicious cuisines like cheeseburgers, chocolates, hot dogs, salads, and slushies, and sometimes even gourmet food. Even saying these words can make a Neopian's mouth water. However, to prevent you from eating such foods on the way back to the Kadoatery, you must restrict yourself from the food by locking it up in a Safety Deposit Box, this will prevent any temptations of eating such Kad gifts, especially with the fore mentioned foods above. If all else fails, grab a cup of coffee and some crackers from the General Store. That'll keep you satiated for a while.

     Food Theft

     Imagine this. You have just bargained a great deal with Illusen to bake a cake for you after returning a couple of favors (and by couple I mean a LOT). You then realize that it would be a grand idea to share such a delicacy to a fellow Kad in the Kadoatery, as some of them apparently have standards. Then suddenly, out of nowhere the Pant Devil steals your precious cake, leaving you with no delicacy to feed the Kad with. A painful experience for a Neopian indeed.

     Criminals cases of food theft are very rare, but be warned as there is no pattern nor mathematical equation on when food theft actually happens. When your food gets stolen, it's gone. There's no turning back. It no longer exists in your hands. There are several non-consensual thieves here in Neopia, such as the Pant Devil himself, Dr. Sloth, The Grundo Leader, The Thieves Guild, and the notorious Altador Cup Kiko Lake team (they consider it as donations rather than thievery).

     Since almost every Neopian is equipped with a Safety Deposit Box, it is highly recommended that one should keep their foodstuffs locked in the safety deposit box before sending them to the Kadoatery to prevent thieves from getting their nubby fingers into your food. If the thieves continue to attempt stealing from you, politely ask them not to do so. If they still continue to attempt stealing from you, whack them with a club. (This statement is highly approved by the Altador Astronomy Club)

     Kadruptcy

     Aspiring feeders who are have only just begun feeding Kadoaties might fall into a case of Kadruptcy, or Kadoatery Bankruptcy. This issue states that one is willing to pay for a Kadoatie foodstuff at a price unchecked if there are lower bargains. There's a reason why searching for the food via the Shop Wizard is such a slow process. Since it takes around five seconds for more than half of the Kadoatery to be well-fed, it takes even longer to search for the lowest price from the Shop Wizard, so they just take whatever is currently the lowest based on what the Shop Wizard searches without checking for lower prices.

     A healthy dose of Kadoatery items are to be kept from you at all times. Pre-plan what items you can give and what items you can't give. This is to save time and other future investments to feeding future Kadoaties.

     Restock Stampedes

     20 Kadoaties versus 283 million Neopians (As of writing this in on the 22nd day of Awakening, Y20). That's 1/14,150,000th chance of feeding a Kad (Not yet proven). That's the situation right now of the Kadoatery. As of writing this article, around three restocks have been announced, all of which had been well-fed within a second. But many don't realize is that the facility itself gets cramped with all the Neopians gathering physical traffic into the front door. You wouldn't want to get flattened by stampeding feeders now would we? It would make you a regular in the Healing Springs at that point.

     Several veterans and timekeepers take shifts within the area of the Kadoatery. They say that setting up tents and camper vans are the best way to do so, as it is saves a handful of time walking towards the facility as well as keeping the privacy of the Kadoaties intact. It is a truth universally acknowledged that no one wants to stare at 20 cages all day until they cry (See Kaddiction).

     And that is all I have to give you within this Kadoatery Safety Guide! Reading and re-reading this guide will help you towards a safer and healthier kad feeding lifestyle, and ultimately towards the Road of Pink and Beyond. In short, keep your foodstuffs safe, keep yourself at a low budget, and make sure you you take frequent amounts of rest between intervals. Now if you will excuse me, there's a Kad waiting to be fed. Happy feeding!

 
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