11 Gifts You Should Never Give to Your Valentine
It’s the week before Valentines Day. Your elaborate Valentines proposal involving Beekadoodles, roses, and a Vira Halloween Costume went without a hitch, and your Valentine has said yes. You’ve got your date all planned-- you’re both going to enjoy a Kelp take-out dinner while watching the sun set over Kiko Lake. All that’s left to do is pick out the perfect gift for that special someone. Fortunately, the rules of Valentine’s Day gifts are simple and flexible. Buy something pink, heart shaped, floral, or sweet, and you’re set. After all, it’s the thought that counts, so as long as you aren’t buying your Valentine a Heart Stuffed Maggot or the useful but often unappreciated book, "How to Deal with Strange Looks," you should be in the clear. Right?
After hours of hard research, and only A LITTLE personal experience, we have compiled are a list of some seemingly innocuous Valentine’s gifts that are bound to go bad, and should be avoided at all costs during the season of love.
1. Box of Chocolates Hat
Wow! A box of chocolates AND a hat? This gift seems like a real slam dunk. However, picture your Valentine wearing their new hat for a day trip down to the markets in Sakhmet. Those chocolates will melt not only all over their new hat, but also their hair. Yikes.
Not to mention, once the chocolates are all eaten (or disastrously melted), what do you have? An empty box hat. Nobody wants that.
Try instead: Large Pink Flower Hat, Valentine Newsboy Hat, Flowery Red Hat
2. I Love You With All Of My Heart Card
Giving a card with a gift is usually the deep, emotional accompaniment with a run of the mill gift. For such a simple idea, cards have the potential to become quite the social faux pas, and the I Love You With All Of My Heart Card is no excuse. This card seems sweet at first, but, desperate much?! If this is your first Valentines Day together, better give this one a miss. You don’t want to come off too strong too soon.
Try instead: A Heartfelt Valentines Day Card, Heart Swirl Valentines Card
3. Heart Petit Fours
More like Petit Disappointments-- these Petit "Fours" only come with three in a box. Buyers beware! A real box of chocolates would contain the advertised amount, and for a sweet tooth, that advertised amount should be 1,000. There’s also the concern that your Valentine will think you secretly ate one of them on the way over, which, while we do understand the temptation, won’t do you any favours in love.
Try instead: Chocolate Heart, Silver Heart Box of Chocolates, Dark Chocolate Hearts
4. Heart Shaped Sunglasses
Sometimes fashion is better than function, but not with these Heart Shaped Sunglasses. The glasses not only look cheap, but feel cheap too. The cheap flimsy plastic ensures they don’t even look cute while wearing them, and good luck blocking any sun from your eyes with the clear as day lenses!
Try instead: Pink Sunglasses
5. Glittery Candy Heart
They say bad luck comes in threes, and this Glitter Heart Candy is no stranger to that rule. First of all, it’s one candy you cheapskate. At least buy a box of candies. Secondly, all that glitter will find its way to every corner of your Neohome. This gift will last for weeks, and not in a good way. Finally, glitter tastes bad and is not designed to be eaten. What’s the point of a candy if you can’t eat it?!
Try instead: Heart Shaped Box of Toffee, Heart Shaped Chocolates, Bountiful Hearts Goodie Bag
6. Heart Breath Mints
This one should speak for itself. It’s the implication. And don’t even try to claim they’re meant to be candies, the word "breath" is right in the title, you Balthazar.
Try instead: Literally anything else, preferably something that isn’t a direct criticism of your Valentine
7. Golden Heart Necklace
This gaudy necklace isn’t even wearable. If it can’t be worn, a Valentine’s gift should be edible or look nice on display. This necklace is as inedible as it is unwearable, and who’s ever heard of displaying a necklace on your fireplace mantle? Hard pass.
Try instead: Brightly Jewelled Necklace, Diamond Necklace of Hearts, Jewelled Heart Pendant Necklace
8. Candy Fyora Staff
Fyora is still bed ridden in the infirmary, and you think now is a good time to be giving cutesy little candy staffs around? Go brew some potions for her and be part of the solution, buddy. If your Valentine is a fan of battling, there are some other candy weapons that are far less insensitive at such a time. Plus, some wraiths still might be after Fyora… their vision probably isn’t great, you don’t want to unintentionally paint a target on your Valentine’s back.
Try instead: Magic Wand Lolly, Chocolate Ghostkersword
9. A Mysterious Valentines Day Card
It’s a Valentine’s Day classic, but what some people don’t know, is that these cards will disappear after you read them. How are you meant to brag to your Neofriends about all the wonderful cards and gifts you received this year if they’ve all mysteriously disappeared? What you want is a nice card they can find again in Y30 while flipping through the pages of their safety deposit box to have all of the fond memories of you come flooding back.
Try instead: Heart Swirl Valentines Card, Pop-Up Valentine
10. Tiny Candy Assortment
"Oh gee thanks! Three wrapped hard candies? Where’d you find those? The bottom of your backpack?" Nothing says "I forgot about Valentine’s Day until just now" like some loose pocket candies, maybe with some lint and a paperclip mixed in for good measure.
Try instead: Candy Bouquet, Colourful Candy Heart Bouquet
11. Valentine Rock
This Petpet would actually make quite the sweet gift, assuming you’ve clarified to your Valentine that this is a living breathing Petpet for them to love and cherish forever, and NOT a delicious treat. This is an acceptable gift, but gift with caution!
Try instead: A slightly less edible Petpet, like Valentine Slorg, Valentine Kadoatie
There you have it, folks; the 11 common Valentines gift ideas you should avoid, as well as some possible substitutes. We know Valentine’s Day can be stressful, but with the right gift, there’s one less thing for you to worry about on the big night. All that’s left to plan is your outfit for the big night, so why not check out the article "Neopoint Wearables Throughout the Season: Valentine’s Day" written by users freeread and tamra1024, which provides an inexpensive and stylish guide for looking sharp and romantic!