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Nimmo Day: The Bad & The Worse


by butterflybandage

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It’s a new day—and what better way to spend your morning reading The Neopian Times than celebrating those insanely zen Nimmos?

Nimmos are one of the very few Neopets that haven’t changed their name or look since the very beginning; their pose, relaxed nature, and adorable signature hands are something that’s been consistent through the years. It’s only fitting that the 15th is dedicated to this Neopet—it’s the month of Relaxing, after all!

I wanted to take this article into a slightly different direction; what better way to show our love for something … then by laughing at it?! Hear me out—there’s too much gawking these days, and we’re too busy pointing out the highlights, it’s time to gunk out the gutter and look at the things that maybe weren’t such a good idea …

Colors

We’re kicking off our list with some paint brush colors that don’t look that great on Nimmos (if any of your Nimmos are featured on this list, don’t throw too many tomatoes at me!). They may have seemed like a great idea on the drawing board, but turned out to either be a complete disaster or missed the mark.

Darigan. The biggest issue with the Darigan Nimmo is it’s a mixing pot of different great ideas combined into one not-so-coherent look. The mouth? Incredible! The horns? So cool! But combining the mouth, horns, and weird blue nails makes the pet look like it fell into a vat of radioactive material, or was morphed with a toad.

Halloween. A Neopet that looks like a devil is, conceptually, a pretty cool theme. But it’s so underwhelming, I’m half tempted to send in a report and scream, “DO SOMETHING!!” Where are the devil horns? Where’s the sickly grin? Where’s the cool wings?! It looks more like a beetle and a tadpole hit it up and this is their offspring (no offense, of course).

Woodland. A weird totem with palm trees on the knees and head? What even is this? It’s like the Nimmo was the weird little cousin that wanted to be included in dress-up, but all the material that was left over was scraps that were taped to its forehead. The female Nimmo looks so smug, like she knows something … WHAT DOES SHE KNOW?

Mutant. Do I even have to explain … ?

    Outfits

The amazing thing about Neopets is the ability to dress up our Neopets with certain themes, or outfits; some are so cute it’s hard to contain your excitement, and others are a cruel reminder of 2007. I do NOT want to be reminded of 2007.

Dark Nimmo Boots, Dress, Gloves, and Wig. I’m only cringing a LOT. The dress is cute enough, but the outfit as a whole causes so much secondhand embarrassment; why the purple fringe? And those boots … I think every teenager I knew back in the day wore those boots, and I’m fairly certainly I still have a pair hidden somewhere deep in my closet. I would never let my Nimmo go out in public like that, young lady!

Gothic Nimmo Bracelet, Make-up, Shirt, Shoes, and Trousers. Another cringe-worthy outfit. Is it really necessary to have that many skulls on everything … and those cobweb lacey sleeves? Shudders. I’m convinced if I ran into this Nimmo on the street, they would force me to listen to hours worth of depressing poetry, read in monotone voice that would all but put me to sleep.

Lovely Nimmo Sandals, Shirt, Trousers, and Wig. NOTHING about this is lovely. The amount of gel to keep that hair in such a horrid shape is scarier than mixing those terrible trousers with those sandals. Who wears sandals, anyway?

Regal Nimmo Boots, Gloves, Hat and Wig, Shirt and Jacket, and Trousers. I can’t be the only one who thinks he was in the middle of horseback riding then was called by his trusty partner to investigate an 1800’s crime … right? Also, are those SIDEBURNS or is his hair just growing out really weird? This entire outfit is weird. I’m moving on.

Snazzy Nimmo Shirt with Caravat, Suit Jacket, and Suit Trousers. Am I the only one laughing because I’m 99% sure it’s “cravat”, not “caravat”? Anyway, kudos to him for owning that yellow whatever-it-is. All he needs is a carafe of borovan, and he’s my hero.

Stylish Nimmo Hat. Oh—the rest of the outfit (Shirt, Shoes, and Trousers) are completely fine. But this hat. Who designed this hat, and why does it look like a mix between a Stetson and a bowler? Who convinced this Nimmo it was “stylish”?

Items

Unfortunately, there aren’t that many Nimmo-themed items (boo). However, thanks to my incredible digging skills, I was able to find a few that perfectly fit into this list!

Nimmo Lunchbox. Having a lunchbox is something every Neopian student needs, but take a second to look at the Nimmo and you’ll see how strangely proportioned this poor Nimmo is … why is his hand SO thick, when we know how slender Nimmos are built? Why does his head look like it doesn’t belong to his body? I want to buy this just so I can look at it FOREVER.

Nimmo Day Cupcake. Just like the lunchbox, this little Nimmo candle is proportioned so strange it’s cute. His arms are so long. His legs are so small, and one foot is not only larger than the other, it’s shaped different. His face is so chunky, but he’s happy. He’s smiling because we’re celebrating his day, and he doesn’t care if he’s not in the running for Neopia’s Most Attractive Nimmo. Everyone go admire him, NOW.

Nimmo Topiary. There’s nothing wrong with this guy per se, but his pose is so funny I’ve been laughing for ten minutes before I calmed down enough to write this section. He’s strutting his stuff and, like … he’s totally cool being a lawn ornament. How have I never seen this item before, and why don’t I have a million?!

Chocolate Nimmo Dessert. I’ve never, in the many, many years I’ve been on Neopets, seen a more goofy-looking dessert. Those all-knowing cherry eyes … that drooling chocolate mouth … that whipped cream hair (despite most Nimmos being hairless) … do I want to eat it or preserve it in a museum? You tell me.

Nimmo Helmet. Another item I spent ten minutes laughing at. LOOK AT HIS FACE. HELP HIM.

Of course, this article wasn’t intended to be cruel—if we can’t laugh at ourselves or some of the ridiculous things we’ve seen here, can we really call ourselves contributors of this community? Nimmos are beautiful Neopets, and each and everything I’ve poked fun of here (oh, and a quick message to the hardworking graphic artists that designed these … WE LOVE YOU!!) was done with humor, and I wouldn’t change a single thing. Honestly, if the Mutant Nimmo or Nimmo Helmet was different, who would think twice about it? It’s the goofy things in life that are the most amazing.

This Nimmo Day, take a moment to lean back and relax—do some zen thinking, eat a Nimmo Day Cupcake, and celebrate those Nimmos and Nimmo lovers!

HAPPY NIMMO DAY!!!

 
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