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You Are What You Eat...Literally?!


by kayahtik

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We’ve all been there—Belinda the Faerie Blumaroo is starving. “Why aren’t you feeding me?” she asks, her large round eyes pleading. The answer: you’re saving up for that stamp avatar and don’t have any Neopoints to spare on something as frivolous as food for your pets. But those sad eyes are still watching you, and they make you feel guilty enough to finally give in. “Fine,” you sigh, and head over to the Shop Wizard to find something cheap enough to ease your conscience without breaking the bank.

There are countless jellies, omelettes, chocolates, and pizzas. How do you decide? What about something hardy? Something exotic. Something that will make your pet think you’re feeding her from the gourmet aisle at that upscale food shop down the street! Something like…Blumaroo Steak? Hang on. That can’t be right…can it?

Blumaroo Steak can usually be bought on the Shop Wizard for less than 50 Neopoints, and sometimes you can even grab it for free at the Money Tree. But is that really something you want to be feeding to your pets? It’s not really made of Blumaroo meat, you may be telling yourself. But are you sure? Too bad there isn’t an ingredients label on Neopets food.

Let’s think about this critically. To be quite honest, the item’s picture sure looks exactly like a slice taken right out of Belinda’s cousin Oscar. It’s even got the blue skin around the edges. We might be willing to write that one off as a slightly off-putting, ambiguous item—maybe it was only meant as a joke. Was it, though? If you were to ask me (and I’m assuming you would, if you’re bothering to read this article) I would say…almost definitely not.

Blumaroo Steak is only one such item. Along very similar lines, there’s also Mynci Steak, Wocky Steak, and Yurble Steak, all bearing an uncomfortable resemblance to their namesakes. And if that weren’t enough to convince you, how about this: Fake Blumaroo Steak. That’s right, Fake Blumaroo Steak. If I’m not mistaken, that heavily implies that regular Blumaroo Steak is all too real. And what about the Quiggle Pie? Or the Blumaroo Tail Salad Extravaganza? Elephante Trunk Stew? The Spooky Food shop in particular is an absolute minefield of worrying foodstuffs.

What’s a responsible pet owner to do in this situation?

Luckily, even if your beloved Belinda really does want a slice of something cannibalistic, there are plenty of alternatives out there sure to fool her. What about some Blumaroo Cotton Candy? Sure, it might look like Oscar’s face but actually it’s a skillfully sculpted treat made from delicious molten sugar. It’s guaranteed to give your Blumaroo a sugar rush! Or how about some Chocolate Blumaroo Waffles? Fluffy, buttery waffles drizzled in chocolate sauce, again designed to look like a Blumaroo.

But I don’t have a Blumaroo!” I hear you cry. Well, fear not, dear friends, I’ve listed the top ten Neopet-shaped foods, none of which contains any part of an actual Neopet. So now your pet can chow down on something that looks like them, without fear that they’ll actually be eating their cousin Fred.

1. Deluxe Acara Sundae: Ice cream is always a good choice, and this sundae is no exception. It’s a little more expensive than some, but still affordable for many Neopians at under 10,000np. Featuring banana, strawberry ice cream and sprinkles, arranged to look like the head of an Acara, it’s sure to thrill any pet.

2. Cherry Bori Snowcone: Ice cream and snow-cones feature heavily in our list, and this Bori edition is no exception. But what really sets the Cherry Bori Snowcone apart (even compared to its Blue Raspberry rival) is that it really will make your pet feel like it’s slurping out the delicious brains from a Bori’s head. Heaven for any Zombie pets you might want to please!

3. Chia Shaped Aubergine: An absolute bargain at under 1,000np, the Chia Shaped Aubergine is one of the healthier options we found. A delightful vegetable that will make any Lupe’s mouth water, the Chia Shaped Aubergine is hard to cultivate, but easy to enjoy.

4. Marshmallow Grundo: Be honest, have you ever looked at a Marshmallow coloured Grundo and thought, “mmm looks tasty!”. We’re willing to bet the answer is yes. Thankfully no harm need come to the real Marshmallow Grundos of the world, because this miniature version is available from Grundo’s Cafe any time a craving hits. You’re welcome.

5. Chocolate JubJub Sundae: It almost looks too adorable to eat. Almost. Also available in a mint chocolate chip, vanilla or strawberry variety each just as cute and smiling as the chocolate one.

6. Koi Dumplings and Mushrooms: While there were many desserts to choose from resembling various Neopets, the savoury options were relatively sparse. These Koi Dumplings really hit the spot when we fancied something a little less sweet. Healthy and hearty, they’d make an excellent dinner for anyone, and the dumplings really do look like little Koi.

7. Lenny Fruit Tiramisu: If you’re looking for something a little special for your Lenny’s next birthday, why not give them a tempting, tasty tiramisu shaped just like their face? A more lavish option, the Lenny Fruit Tiramisu will set you back nearly 100k, but for a special occasion, we feel it’s worth it. (An honorable mention also goes out to the Pterimisu. While extremely rare, it has such an amazing name that we couldn’t leave it out.)

8. Jelly Poogle Jelly: A very special item, only available by redeeming a Rare Item Code at the Grundo Warehouse, we just couldn’t leave this item out. A jelly in the shape of a Jelly Poogle, who wouldn’t want to tuck into this adorable item? You’ll be lucky to find one for sale, but if you do, your Jelly Poogle might just love you forever.

9. Uni Sushi: The Exotic Foods store is a goldmine for foods shaped like Neopets, but we particularly like these sushi cones in the shape of Uni Horns. Golden seaweed wraps filled with vegetables and raw fish, they’re ideal for an on-the-go lunch you can carry without spilling.

10. Pumpkin Cinnamon Yurble Ear: “It is just dough and pumpkin, thank goodness.” Having read the item description carefully, we were reassured that this is really a delicious treat merely shaped like a Yurble ear. And it’s perfect for any pets which can’t get enough of pumpkin-flavoured everything during Fall, or for a harvest festival pudding.

So now you know. Avoid the Spooky Foods shop, and you should be free from worry. There are dozens of alternative, Neopet-shaped foods out there for you and your pets to enjoy instead.

 
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