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Insulting King Skarl With Style


by d_a_r_e

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Sick of telling that same old tin of olives joke?

Tired of trying to make that angry old king laugh?

Does he not appreciate your jokes enough?

Want to have some fun and get kicked out of the kingdom at the same time?

Looking to earn the Moody avatar and feel great while doing it?

Then you have come to the right place!

PREPARE YOURSELVES, SALT CROSSING AHEAD

Are you ready to begin? Well up your salt intake because Skarl won't know what hit him! Either that or you won't know what hit you when you get kicked out of the kingdom!

It is time to figure out how to get your own special revenge on Skarl. Wait, did I say revenge? I mean, tribute. Yes… tribute. He wants jokes? Let’s give him a joke he will never see coming: a roast! What is a roast you say? I am glad you have asked, young grasshopper! A roast is a joke at the subject’s expense - in this case, our dear grumpy king. Usually the subject takes the insults in good stride, but we all know how temperamental Skarl can be!

Now I am here to tell you that you cannot show any weakness to Skarl because he will eat you up and spit you out. The key to a successful roast is to be confident and say it with a smile, because he will never see it coming. He is a Skeith, after all. Commit to your insults, and he will reward you with a swift kick out the door and a brand new avatar!

CRAFTING THE INSULT

Step One: Figure out Skarl's weaknesses. What makes him tick? His temper is already flaring, but let's stoke the fire and watch it burn. What is he really insecure about? Point it out to him! We all know he feels like he is too good for us anyway. Why not prove him wrong, by pointing out his flaws? Here's what we know about good ol' King Skarl:

-He's angry. That's why he wants you to make him laugh. My advice: don’t.

-He's a Skeith. They're not known for their intelligence.

-He frequently takes long dinner breaks to feast on a lot of food.

-He's greedy. Why don't you ask him about that stolen orb? I'm sure he will LOVE you after that!

-He's a very privileged King. We all wouldn't be here trying to come up with jokes for him if he wasn't.

-His brother, Hagan, looks down on him for living a simple life. In return, he thinks Hagan is too haughty. Strained relationship, much?

-He doesn't seem to have any sort of Lady Skarl or children. Forever alone. But then again, who could stand to be with him for longer than two minutes? Not even his own brother (ayyy). And don’t even get me started on his niece, Roberta!

-He has poor choice in hairstyles. Have you seen that bowl cut? Hmm, reminds of something you might see at a feast.. that contains food.. that Skarl would binge on..

Step Two: The Roast. Now that we know all of the juicy details about our dear old Skarl, we can figure out how to insult him. This is the most time consuming process. You have all of this information, but how are you going to hit Skarl where it hurts? Since you are still a young grasshopper, I would suggest you pick one of his wonderful attributes and create your roast around that. My personal favorite is calling him out for being lonely:

Q: Who is a lonely Skeith?

A: You haha!

As you can see, this is a very simple, but powerful joke. You don't have to create the most elaborate joke. A few words can still hurt if chosen carefully! Let your creative juices flow! You will become a roast master in no time.

Unfortunately, Skarl seems to like his jokes in a certain grammatical structure, so you may find it difficult to piece together the perfect roast that you came up with in your head. That is perfectly fine. That happens to us all. Remember, he is a Skeith living in a medieval kingdom - his vocabulary and grammar is much simpler than ours! Just do your best to piece it together with what he has given you and your patience and perseverance will be rewarded!

OH SNAP! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

Step Three: Let him have it! Tell your joke to Skarl and hope for the best (*cough* being kicked out of the kingdom *cough*). Remember that presentation is key! Skarl hears so many jokes in one day and you definitely want yours to stand out if you want to be kicked out of the kingdom, right? Make it flashy and burn him!

Our worst case scenario is that your joke won't effect Skarl in any way and he will move on to his food and you will move back to step one for more inspiration for your next joke. Best case scenario, Skarl will feel the burn and kick you out of the kingdom, landing you a shiny new avatar!

But what is the most unexpected and absolute best case scenario (even though it won't grant you an avatar)? Having Skarl laugh at your joke! Maybe he actually appreciates your humor! But you see, Skarl is a Skeith and is not known for being very bright.. so he might think you're only flattering him and not pointing out his flaws. HA! We all know he's just too dumb and too vain to realize what you're doing. Congratulations to you for not only roasting him, but simultaneously pointing out how dumb he is in front of his entire court! While this won't grant you the Jester avatar (since apparently only tin of olives can make him laugh enough to grant an avatar - see how much he loves his food?), you'll be a Jester in my book!

AFTER THE FLAMES DIE DOWN...

I hope you have enjoyed this guide and found some inspiration to put that grumpy old Skeith in his place. He is way too comfortable on that throne of his and needs to be taught a lesson every now and then. May the salt be with you and may you exit the Meridell kingdom with a new avatar to show off your brutal roasting ability!

 
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