 Dung-Give-Up-Hope: Tips for Finding the Dung Faerie
by timesamyth
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For years there has existed a being so elusive, so rare, that a simple photograph of it has yet to be published. Its existence remains unconfirmed. This being goes by the name of The Dung Faerie… who or what is this mysterious creature that supposedly inhabits the Rubbish Dump and offers Neopians free dung? Over the years many theories have popped up, some Neospiracist groups suggest that the Dung Faerie is not actually real at all, but rather an invention of Lord Darigan planted into the minds of naïve Neopians. They say he sends one of his minions to donate dung under the Dung Faerie name as a way to deflate the price of dung, thus keeping the poorer Neopians poor by preventing them from making money off the honest living of dung collection and sale. In my search for the Dung Faerie I have managed to collect the necessary evidence which will show that this Neospiracy is unfounded and theoretical, as most theories are. The proof of the Dung Faerie’s existence (shown near the end of this guide) will confirm that such a suggestion is the result of illogical paranoia. Poor Neopians are not being controlled by some evil overlord. The Dung Faerie is as real as you or me, although extremely difficult to spot. Here I will offer a basic lesson in Dung Faerie hunting, AKA finding and photographing. This guide is based off my own experiences and I will offer tips: what materials to gather, where to start, and basic etiquette. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Materials You Will Need ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every hunter needs a basic set of tools to assist them in their work. Proper preparation is the key to success. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And breaking a mirror will give you seven years of bad luck….er…where was I…oh! Materials, right. You will need the following: • Zafara Tourist Camera - Important! Video cameras may be flashy and “new school” but that blinking red light is what a Lightmite looks like when it’s attacking. As a result, in a forest-like area, you will be swarmed by other angry, offended Lightmites. Do you really want to have to explain to thousands of different Lightmites that it was simply an honest misunderstanding? Didn’t think so. • Korbat Forest Ranger Binoculars – These will be helpful in watching for the Dung Faerie from long distances. In fact, you can merely “Dung Faerie Watch” from the comfort of your own Neohome if you wish…. though I highly recommend that you put in some effort. • Glowing Battle Dung –In your travels you may encounter all sorts of mean, nasty creatures: the Pant Devil, Shadow Usul, Spyder Grundo, Jelly Chia, etc. Glowing Battle Dung gives you a threefold advantage: acting as a flashlight, offering you protection, and disguising your scent into the scent of dung so the Dung Faerie won’t be alerted to your presence. • Chewing Dung – You will likely be out in the woods, or…er…other terrain types for a long while. Chewing Dung will help you to stave off boredom while curbing your hunger. Don’t worry it gets better with age. • Cup of Stagnant Water – Important! You’ll be out in the unknown wilderness for months, years, and probably decades, it’s best that you get used to drinking contaminated water now. I cannot overstate the importance of building up your immunity. • Everlasting Apple – Important! The good news is that you will have an unlimited food supply. The bad news is that your food staple will be 95% apples. The Chewing Dung really works its magic here, and you will grow to truly appreciate the taste of apples.
• Famous Neopians Map(Optional) – Provides a map to houses of all the famous Neopians. I’m certain the Dung Faerie isn’t on there but you never know. You might be able to stop by Hubrid Nox’s house and beg for more ‘Dung Faerie Hunt’ investment funds as well. • Compass Hiking Staff – It looks very, very cool and you need a compass…. the perk is that having a staff will allow you to say: “you will not pass!” regularly to any Neopian you encounter on your journey to Mord…Moltara. • Elephante Stunray – The Dung Faerie is fast and agile. Let’s face it, you’ll need to have a photograph that will end those regular ‘you-might-be-insane’ interventions your Neofriends hold for you once and for all. To get the ideal photo you will need to freeze the Dung Faerie with your Elephante Stunray while quickly pulling out your camera to snap a photograph. Just point, zap, and runaway before the Dung Faerie can call Lawyerbot to sue you for emotional harm. • NeoQuest II Tent – Important! You will need to get used to sleeping in a castle because after you find the Dung Faerie you will be rolling in endless amounts of riches; and it’s best that you become accustomed to being the king/queen that you are (as soon as possible). Soon you will be sleeping in castle tents instead of tent castles and all those people who doubted you will become distant relatives who could use some free Neopoints. • Maractite Throwing Net(Optional) – This is not entirely necessary but there is a slight 40% possibility that the Dung Faerie has built up a resistance to stun rays. Best to have a backup plan. A super cheap backup plan, because…. let’s face it…by that time you won’t even be able to afford lint. • Night Vision Contacts – These will allow you to see in the dark. Instead of wasting all those precious hours sleeping you will be able to hunt for the Dung Faerie 24/7 if you wish. • Mapping a Mystery book – This guide book will provide you with all the information you need to succeed in your travels. It has a very nice section on mysteries; how to map them and how to un-map them. • Illusens Comb(Optional) – After years out in the wilderness you will start looking like a dung creature yourself…. you don’t want the dung faerie to see you like THAT do you? This lovely hygiene item removes twigs, leaves and unintentional dreadlocks. • Dung Derived Eye Shadow - Important! You will need to a disguise to approach the Dung Faerie. The Dung Eye Shadow will provide you with all the masking you need to look just like the Dung Faerie. Instead of seeing YOU the Dung Faerie will, instead, see a mirror image of themself. Instead of a strange, possibly malevolent, creature talking to them they will assume they are just talking to themself. This will allow you to get to know the Dung Faerie on a one-on-one basis. Just remember that you are not the Dung Faerie and capturing yourself will lead to negative consequences. Some may not need this item at all. • Dung Cookie (Recommended) – This item will be used to bribe The Neopian Times editor into publishing your findings. If no one sees your blurry pictures, or collected dung samples, what good will all that work have been? *wink* *wink* *nudge*
Grand Total Starting (Max) Costs: 6,270,9954 nps ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Where to Start: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now that you have all those pesky materials gathered and ready to go, it’s time to consider where you should begin your hunting. A common mistake made by Nungies (newbie dung hunters) is starting near the Rubbish Dump. The Rubbish Dump is the one area where casual Dung Faerie watchers, and Dung Faerie admirers, just hang around waiting for a chance to meet this magical faerie. The Dung Faerie is extremely cautious, especially with this area, and will blend in with the rubbish to avoid being detected. The Dung Faerie believes that all Neopians should have access to dung – sometimes this results in infrequent DF spottings at the Dump. However, I would avoid this area if you are a serious Dung Faerie searcher. I recommend two basic starting areas (and you may have already guessed one of them) the Haunted Woods and Mystery Island. The Haunted Woods is my first choice; here’s the reason why. The Dung Faerie has an important role in Neopia, and makes anywhere from 94 to 99% of all dung items on the market: Dung Petpet Paint Brush, Dung Shelf, Battle Dung, Rainbow Dung, Dung, etc. It’s a job that requires plenty of commitment, time and privacy. Where better to be left alone then the Haunted Woods? The first time I successfully located the Dung Faerie was within the Haunted Woods…however I was not able to collect definitive evidence of the Dung Faerie’s existence until I tracked the elusive being to Mystery Island. *Proudly holds up Mole with Hair and Framed Treetops Photograph* I have here ACTUAL hair of the Dung Faerie and a never-before-seen picture of the Dung Faerie *points to tiny, unrecognizable dot near treetops*. As you can see I have a lot of experience with this subject and will become extremely wealthy once the public is finally made aware of these incredible findings! *cough* So…yes…both locations are acceptable starting points. This is not to say that one could not find the Dung Faerie elsewhere, but odds are considerably higher within the Haunted Woods and on Mystery Island. Feel free to find your own secret dung spot though. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ending Comments: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you are true of heart and born to be an adventurer you will eventually locate this amazing creature-person! Please be respectful of the Dung Faerie and the Dung Faerie’s environment. Clean up all junk items and/or evidence that you were there. Don’t let others dissuade you from pursuing your dreams. Remember…. Jelly World hunters were once thought to be misguided as well and now we have, thanks to their hard work and dedication, definitive proof that Jelly World does in fact exist. *Holds up a copy of Proof of Jelly Worlds Existence*. So…what are you waiting for?! Go out and find that Dung Faerie!
(This article was ^ paid for by Lord Darigan or affiliates)
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