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Eleven Signs of Neopian Times Addiction


by bha288

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The Neopian Times has been the most popular weekly newspaper since the early years of Neopia. From the peaks of Terror Mountain to the jungles of Mystery Island, each week Neopians everywhere rush to get their copy so they can read insightful articles, enjoy sidesplitting comics, get lost in beautifully written short stories, and stay informed with questions in the latest editorial. These are Neopian Times fanatics, and that’s why we’re here today! With our help, you will soon be able to recognize if you are one such addict, as well as identify the signs of obsession in the people around you.

1. You are remarkably knowledgeable in anything having to do with the Neopian Times. On the extreme end of the spectrum, you may have memorized the answer to every editorial question possible, and can cite each one with ease. Perfect strangers have found this quite helpful, albeit mildly obsessive. Similarly, your friends aren’t sure if they should be impressed or concerned.

2. Every conversation you participate in happens to lead back to the Neopian Times. It’s as if that’s all you are capable of talking about! Intentionally or not, you can masterfully steer any discussion to focus on the Times, especially given how long you have been a fan. For example, if a friend is discussing a particular game avatar, you can immediately direct them to a guide you read in a recent edition. Sometimes you’re significantly less subtle; you have the habit of blabbering incessantly about how you simply cannot wait for the next edition to come out. It has long since ceased to be endearing.

3. When are you not reading the Neopian Times? You practically stalk the news on Fridays in order to peruse the newest issue as soon as humanly possible. You even regularly send fanmail to your favorite contributors. It goes without saying that you handwrite it with your prized Neopian Times Writing Quill.

4. If you’re not a reader, you’re definitely a contributor! Getting published in the Times has always been one of your favorite pastimes. You love collaborating with friends and frequently encourage them to contribute to the paper. When your muse (or lack thereof) impedes you from creating quality content, you still elect to submit questions to the editorial. At times, that comes in the form of fanmail. After all, you would simply love to get into the HAPPY THOUGHTS section.

5. Your Neopets often get dragged into your obsession. For instance, when they ask for a bedtime story, you read them a story (or even a series) from the Neopian Times. In addition, you purchased a White Weewoo for your favorite Neopet. You may have gone a bit overboard when you subsequently bought one for each of your pets, but you wouldn’t want the others to get jealous, would you?

6. You won’t rest until everyone knows how much you love the Neopian Times! Even your user lookup revolves around it. Incidentally, you also have a Neopian Times gallery, complete with White Weewoos and gorgeous quills. Moreover, your shopkeeper is a White Weewoo. Most Neopians tend to use the same hideous Usul shopkeeper for some mysterious reason, but you prefer to stand out from the crowd! Of course, the fact that you are simultaneously demonstrating your love for the Neopian Times is an added bonus.

7. Anyone who has peeked into your closet knows how much you love the Neopian Times. How could they not, when your wardrobe is bursting with identical I Love The Neopian Times T-Shirts? You wear a different one each day; people often wonder if you only own one shirt. This doesn’t bother you, as long as they don’t try to stop you from demonstrating your fanaticism. Your pets are dressed in Neopian Times gear as well. There’s some great stuff out there, as long as you happen to be an Eyrie or a Zafara. You also considered morphing your pets into Eyries and Zafaras, to be able to customize them properly.

8. You often feel that your life would be incomplete without your Neopian Times items. It all started with a Neopian Times Weewoo Plushie that you purchased on a whim. A bit later, you purchased a Neopian Times Bean Bag or two. It quickly escalated from there, and now, you refuse to drink anything out of a glass because you have an official Neopian Times Mug. You’ve replaced all your chairs with Neopian Times Bean Bags. Your Neohome is a veritable shrine.

9. Did we mention how much you love Neopian Times collectables? You added a Neopian Times Coin to your coin album, even though you could barely afford it. Similarly, you could not resist adding a Neopian Times 200th Anniversary Card to your Neodeck. It was incredibly expensive, but undoubtedly worth it.

10. You also have a certain fondness for collecting more unconventional items. As a matter of fact, your latest hobby is accumulating copies of Issue 3 of the Neopian Times, simply for the sake of having them. You would eat Chewing Dung before you let anyone else’s collection of Issue 3 surpass yours--not that many other people hoard them like you do. Furthermore, you have copies of all the editions that have been published so far. They’re hidden away in your Neohome so your friends don’t get the misguided notion that they should stage an intervention.

11. On the subject of your Neohome, you recently demolished and rebuilt it in order to be closer to the headquarters of the Neopian Times. It wasn’t even that expensive! It was practically pocket change compared to the price of that aforementioned Neodeck card. While you were working on your Neohome, you also remodeled the interior to look exactly like the Neopian Times office--or at least how you imagined it would be. This might not be the most practical layout for a residence, but you absolutely love it.

If you don’t think that any of this is out of the ordinary, then you may be at least a tiny bit obsessed with the Neopian Times. But rest assured that you are not alone in this. Yes, it may just be a newspaper, but it has also been the main source of news in Neopia for many years and deserves everyone’s recognition. So grab a copy, and come share in the joy that is the Neopian Times!

 
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