Invisible Paint Brushes rock Circulation: 194,263,314 Issue: 754 | 21st day of Collecting, Y18
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The Best and Worst of Neopia

by yautja_warrior


The one thing about growing up in the land of Neopia is… Well… There are a lot of things! For one, think of all the friends you have made over the years, not just in your Owners’ guild, but in all the lands around you. You think your Owner is as well traveled as a Neopet? Well, maybe not in that strange fantasy world called the ‘real world’ that your Owner supposedly lives in, but here in our world? Yeah, right here we can travel all over the world and not even have to hop on one of those weird contraptions called an airplane. Oh no, not our Paper Airplanes, like the Darigan Paper Airplane, but like the one your Owner speaks of, something with metal and actually flies through the air like our paper airplanes do. Don’t ask me how it works, young one, that’s way beyond my older years.

Thing is, is I reckon we got the better of the whole thing, don’t you? I mean, sure, we have our share of bad guys in our lands, but we also have faerie. According to my Owner, there aren’t no faeries where She is from and isn’t that a shame? I heard that magic doesn’t even work there and what would we do without the healing springs? Why, I reckon those poor folk don’t have the instantaneous kind of healing that we enjoy here on Neopia and according to my Owner, a mere bout of Achy Head or Sneezles can have them poor Owners down for hours! Stands to reason that Neopia is a much better world than the Owners right there!

We got to talking once, my owner and I, about the whole thing of the currency thing, too. Told me that they have something called ‘drawers’… Er… “Dollars” and that it’s a lot harder to obtain then mere Neopoints! Can you imagine having to spend hours a day at something called a job and barely get paid anything?! Why, right here all you gotta do is go see the friendly folk in the gaming area and right away you got enough to buy yourself a decent meal in these parts and then enough left over to purchase yourself a few books or something, maybe not of the best variety like some of ‘em but at least we get 1000s instead of mere 10s for working for an hour! I was curious one day, so I sat down and did some actual math; Now, you know that they can convert their hard earned draw- er.. Dollars into Neocash and I’ve seen this myself ‘cause I’ve gone with my owner to the shop! It’s an interesting place that shop and I want to tell you that $5 in Owner money equals 500 NC, now I don’t know how to turn that Owner money into Neopoints and I can tell you, youngin’, that I don’t know anybody who can, but I do think that it’s still an awful lot better than the Dollars that the Owners have to contend with.

Now, I think maybe one of my favorite things about our land, from talking to my Owner, is that she says that they can’t go under the water without special technology to guide them! I can’t even begin to tell you how much that sounds like a real pain in the neck! Why, here in Neopia, if we ever want to go and visit Maraqua all we Neopets have to do is stroll right in as if we own the place and it’s all good. I reckon we all come with the inner ability to breathe under the water. Must be an awful pain in the butt to have to deal with all that stuff just to go down and not even get the chance to see Mermaids or anything of the sort like we got here. Lonely too, I reckon, since all they have there is fish and junk in their waters and most of it is polluted! Could you imagine throwing all your things away into the water and hurtin’ all of our friends under the water?! I reckon those Owners can’t be all as smart as we are, if that’s the case. I like our fishin’ policy too, for that matter. I can sit here and tell you that we go down and get just one thing from the fishin hole a day! Them there Owner folk, they go on out and they overfish their waters! Why, even if we get a haul like a Tire or somethin’ it’s off to the Money Tree to let it go because you just don’t let things go to waste! I reckon there are some pretty poor Neopian’s out there that can use those tires for something. My Owner had the idea, once, to go through and use the tires as a gardening spot outside of our Neohome and now we got all sorts of plants and things outside of the home. Not much inside, but I reckon she’s much too busy playing games and stuff to worry about that kind of thing.

So, I wouldn’t be too hasty in complaining about the way our world is run, youngling, because I honestly don’t see much to complain about. Sure we got Dr. Sloth and stuff, but we also have so many other things that we can be thankful for! We have the Altador cup every year; we get 30 days of the Advent Calendar which, I might add, the Owners don’t get; we get petpets and petpetpets which the Owners don’t get to enjoy and I’m also going to say that they certainly don’t get to sit around the Neohome and just enjoy a nice relaxing day all the time. My Owner says they spend so much time running around and dealing with things in that ‘Real World’ place that they don’t always have time to come in and check on us and do you know that is the very reason we’ve got the hotel here?

So, there you have it, youngling. That is why we don’t go wandering off into the real world, no matter the kind of adventure we might be able to have beyond our own actual universe. I think we’ve got it pretty good, all things considering, so next time you want to sit there and complain about how bad your life is? Think about spending the next few weeks with the Sneezles instead, or any number of weird Owner sicknesses that we don’t have to deal with.

I bid you good bye, youngling, my Owner is due to come along any time now and I want to be there in time for my daily book reading and my dinner.

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