TC Explains Valentine's Day
The Lupe's exaggerated yawn woke me up, causing me to moan
and blink away the remains of sleepiness. Kojak only yawned like that when he
had been asked to explain something which he was too lazy to try. Pulling on some
clothes, I wondered what and who it could've been that had caused it this time.
"Oh, you're awake, TC, sorry if I woke you,"
my glowing Lupe said in a tone that told me he had hoped his loud noises would
wake me up all along. "Here, while you're up and about, could you tend to chill_o
for me? He wants to know about Valentine's Day, but I told him you'd know more
about it then me…plus, I already spent my last free afternoon explaining how
baby Neopets are made."
"I refuse to believe it took a whole afternoon
to tell your robot brother that babies result from a special Paint Brush brought
from Fyora's Hidden Tower," I told him skeptically, eyebrow raised as I watched
the canine squirm around uncomfortably.
"Yeah, well you see, Chill insisted on knowing
the subject from all angles, so…"
"So?" I asked him, tapping my feet impatiently,
guessing what was coming.
"So I spun him a yarn about the Weewoos and the
Buzzers!" Kojak blurted out hurriedly, staring down at his feet with shame.
Then, in a bid for self-defense, he added, "You know what he's like, TC! Him
and his stupid 'Memory Upgrading Sessions'…"
Two things here people. Firstly, you may remember
that Kojak referred to chill_o as a snow Grundo back in one of his mysteries.
Since then I had finally got the full map to the secret Laboratory, with which
I had my poor alien Neopet zapped every single day; most of the times chill_o
said that he felt the results were good, sometimes he felt worse for wear. The
first time I noticed a change was when he turned into a mutant of his species.
Now, this was great enough, but then I felt hey!
The ray turned my pet into a different color; it won't do that again for a long
Yes I, as many other had before me, fell to the
sinister randomness of the evil-minded Lab Ray, and the very next day chill_o
turned into a robot, his name making even less sense then before (chill, snow,
Secondly (yes, all the above was part of the
first thing), anyone that has a robot Grundo will know that it will not learn
much from reading books, as it's visual receptors aren't up to scratch. No,
robots learn much more and much better by spoken word information, or 'Memory
Upgrading Sessions,' as Chill calls them.
Sighing, I moved into the kitchen to fix me up
a bowl of my favorite cereal - oats and brown sugar, a simple combination, but
nonetheless tasty to the extreme. "Where is he then?"
"In his Living Quarters undergoing Maintenance,"
Kojak answered sarcastically, causing me to scowl into to bowl of oats floating
in brown milk (it wasn't curdled! The brown sugar just melted, I swear! Geez,
just because I have a name with the word 'chimp' in it, you think I'm an animal?).
For some reason, Kojak thought it clever to use terms from old science fiction
books he'd read when speaking about the robot. What he meant, of course, was
that Chill was in his bedroom oiling his joints.
"I'll be up as soon as I've finished this bowl,"
I told him, taking a large spoonful of the delicious substance and eating it
slowly. I paused, licking my lips. "Then again," I added, "maybe he'd rather
come to me? I haven't eaten much recently, and I could do with a few more helpings…"
"Whatever," Kojak muttered darkly, shooting up
the stairs to tell the Grundo the news.
I don't know, sometimes I wonder why I continue
to allow Kojak to be a detective. He's hardly ever home and when he is he thinks
he's smarter then anyone else. But, as he himself pointed out, his career had
advantages for us both. He got extra NP (when he got paid, which seemed to be
never) and I got stories to submit to the Neopian Times.
Sometime later I heard the faint whirr-clunking
that signaled Chill's approach and, sure enough, he entered the room soon afterwards.
"Kojak told me you would be assisting in my Memory
Upgrading Session today, TC," he said in the monotonous tone he'd adopted ever
since his transformation. "Is this true?"
"Sure, buddy, we can't start whenever you like…"
"I would like to start straight away, TC."
"I meant to say, whenever you like after I've
finished my breakfast," I told him, well into me fourth bowlful of brown-sugared
oaty goodness. I hurriedly finished it, washing it down with a glass of milk
(hey, you couldn't have too much of a good thing, and anyways, I need to wash
away the gritty feeling the sugar left behind), before clearing them away and
sitting back down. "Okay, ask away."
"I would like to know, in as much details as
possible, about Valentine's Day," the robot said plainly, pronouncing each word
so perfectly he'd have been an instant hit with any Drama group if it wasn't
for the total lack of emotion. "What is all the fuss about, exactly?"
"Ah, well you see, Valentine's Day is a very
special day of the year…quite like a birthday, but for everyone." I began, whilst
in my mind I was cursing Kojak for dumping this responsibility on me. "Valentine's
Day - or V-Day, as I shall refer to it from now on - is for people to celebrate
their love and admiration for someone close to them. And by love I don't mean
only love-love, but also the love of friendship. Even friends are brought together
by a strong attraction; otherwise they wouldn't feel like being friends. For
example, what attracts you the most in a person?"
"A magnet?" the robot Grundo asked hesitantly,
and though his face couldn't really show it, I knew he was trying to look confused.
"Let's just assume that for this one conversation
you're not a robot, or anything mechanical, okay?"
"Right, so what attracts you most to your friends,
what makes them appeal to you the most?" I asked again, this time re-phrasing
my question slightly.
My pet seemed to think about this for a while
before answering. "Well, some of them make me think, some I can hold intelligent
conversations with…and some make me laugh."
"Wait a minute," I muttered quickly, "you can
"When I know I'm required to laugh, I try to,
yes. But it is not an automatic reaction."
"Not like the rest of you then!" I quipped, trying
to see if this were true. The Grundo just stared at me with his best blank expression.
"You know," I explained, feeling uneasy now, "automatic, you? Automaton being
another word for robots? I was a play on words, a pun."
"I see, I think…can we please get back to the
subject of…V-Day? This joke is not helping my Memory Upgrading Session."
"Fine, fine…so, you know you get attracted to
different kinds of people for different reasons. Why then, must there always
be a best friend? What makes a best friend special from all your others? Who's
your best friend, Chill?"
"My back-up generator," the robot answered instantly.
"Let's try to think outside of your metallic
proverbial box, okay? Besides, you know what I mean; your mouth slit is tilted
into a smirk…right, on with the V-Day explanation. V-Day is really just a day
to show someone close or special to you how much you care and appreciate them.
Now, depending on the level of love or friendship you have for them, you would
go about the day in a variety of ways. A rose for love and affection is probably
the most common, but there are other ways, too! Are you getting all of this,
"Yes, it is very interesting, please continue,"
Chill asked very quickly, sitting still and patiently, his yellow bolt between
his antennae crackling softly as the information was inputted and store in his
"Okay, well where was I…oh yes! The other ways
to display affection! Well, for a best friend you could give them a card and
a present; make it something you know they really like. But don't go too far
or they'll take it the wrong way! For instance, for Kojak I'd get a book on
Detective work and procedures, whereas for Grim_Reepaneo I was thinking about
a brand new scythe, and as for Chimp," I added, referring of course, to my mutant
Chia who had been born a Mynci, "well, I don't know what I'd get for him…maybe
a promise that Kojak won't be tempted to eat him."
"And for me…?" Chill asked slowly, his emotionless
voice making it almost impossible to decipher the question as genuine or just
I was the one not to hesitate this time. "Why,
a new can of oil, of course! Or maybe even a free buffing session at the Grooming
Parlour - get those metal surfaces really gleaming. You see," I continue, deciding
to get back on track, "as I said before, V-Day is basically like a universal
birthday, depending on how you feel for people. You can either shower them with
gifts or take them on a trip, it's up to you. Is that enough for you?"
"Indeed, yes, thank you TC," my Grundo nodded,
the crackling of the bolt dimming even more as he powered-down his information
intake. "Just one more question," he added as I made to go about my day, "just
what part do the Weewoos and the Buzzers have in the process of Neopets being
painted baby? Are the brushes from the Hidden Tower made out of special Weewoo
feathers? Is the handle made out of the arms and legs of a snow Buzzer?"
"Kojak was just fooling around," I laughed, patting
the robot Grundo on his shoulder socket, "he thought you were being too inquisitive
and didn't know what else to say. Weewoos and Buzzers having nothing to do with
making Neopets into babies."
"Oh," Chill murmured softly, "shame…I'll have
to delete all that, won't I?"
"I'm afraid so," I told him with a faint smile.
"Makes you laugh, though, doesn't it, that he actually thought you believe that…"
"No, it doesn't," Chill answered as he clunked
his way into the living room, "I can't laugh, remember?"