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What's Really Going on in Neopia?


by nicksluka

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Is everyone excited for the eleventh iteration of our beloved Altador Cup? Are you excited for games and competition and prizes? I bet you are! This is the time of year that all the great nations of Neopia come together only to be torn apart by the competition to gain ultimate fame and glory on the battlefield that is the Yooyuball pitch. But are you also suspicious of the absence of our great Defenders? Are you bewildered that our brains are no longer bent by a brilliant bird? Are you unsettled by the quiet and calm that seem to envelop our everyday in Neopia? There are too many unanswered questions!

While we have aimlessly fought over an ancient and mysterious Obelisk, and we prepare for our annual encounter to fight for the prestige of becoming the Altador Cup Champions, have we not noticed that our valiant heroes of old have gone dark? Where are the Defenders of Neopia? What is to stop the armies of evil (i.e. Meepits) from ascending on us from all sides and taking over? Did we forget that they were widely distributed not too long ago so that they are fully integrated into the masses? What about our greatest enemy of the past, Dr. Sloth? Why have we allowed him to sit "quietly" in his space station producing killer robots, and Meepits or whatever else his evilness does? I mean, he has a lever up there, that when you pull it, it just steals your neopoints! How is that even legal?

On the topic of mysterious space lairs, how about the "brilliant" Dr. Landelbrot? How can we trust a scientist whose home cannot be visited and is shrouded in mist? This shifty Lutari stands proudly in his space ship and asks us to bring him our junk so that he can blast it with his crazy lazer). Does this sound familiar? BECAUSE IT SHOULD! Why are we not afraid of this "brilliant" scientist when we have another scientist with a crazy lazer who we claim is MAD? Ever heard of the "Secret Laboratory" (which seriously makes me question why it is still considered secret)? Because there is a crazy looking Scorchio hanging around there blasting curious pets on a daily basist, and let us not forget his mischievous side-kick who will blast your petpets as well. Would Judge Hog stand for this? I THINK NOT! And what about the Meepits?

Look at their tiny, adorable, sinister faces. There is nothing but evil behind those eyes! They must be stopped! We need our Defenders back! We need justice to reign supreme once again so that we can beat back the forces or darkness and reclaim the Neopia that we all know and love! Where is Judge Hog, our fearless leader? Where is Lightning Lenny, or Orig the Great? Our heroes are missing in action and we need them here for our safety and security! Who will save us from the Meepit hoards?

And while we have spoken about brilliance and another great Lenny, where is our clever condor? The mind manipulation master is missing! He once challenged our craniums with complex calculations, but where has he gone? If only we had an elite group of grandiose globetrotters to save our genius goshawk! But our vibrant villain-smashers have vanished! Who will mentor us to meet the Meepit menace?

Aside from one intelligent ibis, an entire Island went missing some time ago. How can that be? Of course, the villainous Krawken was defeated and the island returned, but only some short time later, the Defenders disappeared. When Faerieland fell, they were still hot on the case, but after two Neopia-shattering events, our heroes were lost. And now we sit by and imagine peace while Meepits and monsters rampage on an ever-continuing battlefield. We once fought wars against great fiends who challenged the peaceful living of the Meridell countrysides, but now our combat is a game for mystic spirits to award us with boons. We have beat back the menace that brews in the swamps, fighting trees, shadows, graves, and a mayor who was far outside his bounds of duty. Corrupt and power hungry leadership has left our peaceful world and our economy teetering on the brink of oblivion. And now we allow beady-eyed, cable-munching Meepits to gleefully play with out coveted companions? I suspect these vermin were the source of the Great Lag, and their malevolent and charming little faces are seen at every turn.

I say, the only good Meepit is an Undead Meepit! We are surrounded on all sides by servants of malice with great beasts in our oceans, creatures of the night in our swamps, greedy giants in the snow and ice, alien threats in our atmosphere, tiny terrors in our homes, ancient horrors from the crypt, and a amazingly sturdy straw puppet (and his one-eyed doppelganger) . We are left helpless because our greatest saviors are nowhere to be found. Our combined strength is enough to keep these brutes from gaining control, but it is only a matter of time before we take one wallop too many and find ourselves overcome by those who are up to no good. Further crippled by the cute faces of corrupt critters, we have to make a stand! Our battle cries are only barely heard above the wail of the innumerable evil, and the tears of the helpless salt our great society and prepare to usher in an era of darkness and despair.

So now I call for a rally; an uprising! We must bring back our heroes of days gone by! We must not remain idle any longer! Where are our Defenders of Neopia? We must not rest until our valiant warriors have returned to their Halls of Justice and can bring back true peace and safety to our wonderful world! We must reduce the Meepit threat and restore order to this land of unsettling calm. We must not rest until those who once protected those who call Neopia and its various satellites home are back where they belong, providing comfort and shelter to Neopians in need!

Trust no one. Question everything.

 
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