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Usuki Singing Stars Special: An Interview with Snaw

by downrightdude


      Patricia: Hello and welcome to this week’s segment of Fabulous Neopians More Important than You!. I’m your faerie Shoyru host: Patricia, from the Usuki Singing Stars series! And today, I’ll be interviewing an NT star who has just struck one hundred submissions, earning them a special spot in the official NT Hall of Fame. So please let me introduce my special guest: Snaw!

      Snaw: *flies into seat* I love pumpernickel!

      Patricia: So tell me Snaw, how does it feel to hit one hundred NT submissions?

      Snaw: It feels like eating ice cream with sprinkles and cookie bits! *juggles three rubber balls*

      Patricia: *claps* Very impressive.

      Snaw: *bows* It’s not easy being the most talented Neopian to have ever existed.

      Patricia: And how did you feel after finishing your one hundredth submission?

      Snaw: Like tap dancing! *dances*

      Patricia: I see. So let’s backtrack a bit and discuss your NT career in its entirety, starting with your beginnings. Who or what inspired you to contribute to the NT?

      Snaw: Well I was already far more popular than Mr. Sloth, so I decided to branch out to a whole new media; one that had not yet been exposed to my fantastic talents and outer beauty. *dances some more*

      Patricia: And this ‘media’ you speak of was the Neopian Times, correct?

      Snaw: I don’t know. *stops dancing*

      Patricia: So your very first submission was a collaborated comic. Why did you agree to a collab?

      Snaw: Because drawing is too hard! In fact, if I had it my way I would outlaw drawing and force everyone to wear feathered hats! One should never be allowed to leave their Neohomes without a fine, feathered hat! So shall it be written, so shall it be done!

      Patricia: Okay…and what did you contribute to the comic?

      Snaw: I contributed the comic idea, of course. After all, my ideas are far more superior to those with non-feathered hats.

      Patricia: You must really like feathered hats.

      Snaw: *shows off feathered hat* Yes. Yes I do.

      Patricia: When did you begin writing stories?

      Snaw: *hula hoops* I believe it was around the time I conquered Brightvale and found no interesting stories about me and my conquests. So, believing I had the right of way, I stole a typewriter from a yellow Kacheek and began typing up a story. *stops hula hooping**dances* I had such a fun time that I didn’t even notice the day-moon had set and the night-moon had risen! That’s how you know you’ve written something talented.

      Patricia: And how did it feel to submit your first written piece?

      Snaw: Much better than eating waffles!

      Patricia: So rumour has it that you were repeatedly rejected by the NT editor. Is this true?

      Snaw: *dances*

      Patricia: *watches*

      Snaw: *continues to dance**stops**dances some more*

      Patricia: *yawns*

      Snaw: *hulas*

      Patricia: *looks at watch*

      (Several minutes later)

      Snaw: *stops dancing and sits down* Yes, everything about your question is true.

      Patricia: *wakes up from nap* Sorry, what was that? Where am I?

      Snaw: *shrugs* I think we’re in Faerieland!

      Patricia: *is now fully awake* Much better. Now, what were you saying Snaw?

      Snaw: Cybunnies shall rule the world! *hides behind chair*

      Patricia: Okay…so you were rejected by the NT, correct?

      Snaw: *nods*

      Patricia: Do you remember why your stories were rejected?

      Snaw: I think it was because I planted secret codes to share the Lost Desert’s military secrets with Mr. Sloth. Either that or I was too fabulous to be in the NT back then.

      Patricia: What?

      Snaw: *crawls onto chair**sits upside down* I can see the ceiling! It’s a miracle!

      Patricia: …So when did you finally get your first NT written piece published?

      Snaw: Whenever issue 446 was released. So my best guess would have to be last week.

      Patricia: And this series that you wrote…what was it about?

      Snaw: I don’t remember. All I know is I wrote it, sent it, got it published, and the NT sent me a bunch of trophies I used as fencing tools. *slithers off couch**sits on floor*

      Patricia: So your very first NT story was a written series, and one of your frequently rejected entries was also a series, correct?

      Snaw: Ooga booga.

      Patricia: Then what became of the stories that were never accepted?

      Snaw: Moo!

      Patricia: What?

      Snaw: *gets up and starts dancing*

      Patricia: Snaw, if you could just–

      Snaw: *continues to dance for several minutes*

      Patricia: *groans* Not again.

      (Several more minutes later)

      Snaw: *is still dancing*

      Patricia: *yawns* So Snaw…uh, what inspired you to begin your acclaimed Usuki Singing Stars series?

      Snaw: The three Usuki Singing Stars dolls!

      Patricia: I see.

      Snaw: I hear. *stops dancing**hula-hoops*

      Patricia: And where did you get the idea of incorporating me and the rest of the USS cast? Were we also inspired by toys?

      Snaw: *is still hula-hooping*

      Patricia: Any second now, Snaw. *sighs* I have all day, you know.

      Snaw: *continues to hula-hoop for several minutes*

      Patricia: *waits*

      Snaw: *stops hula-hooping* It took me a million years and three acres of corn to think up the concept for my award-winning series of short stories! My main goal, which still stands today, is to write more short stories than any other Neopian published in the NT! And so far, I'm almost at my goal of achieving my goal and total Neopian domination!

      Patricia: I see. And where did the inspiration from your very first USS story come from?

      Snaw: A book I read from ‘101 Corny Stories for Plagiarists’. I got it from a green Kau.

      Patricia: So you actually plagiarized your first short story?

      Snaw: I don’t know. *dances*

      Patricia: Hmm, well it would be very serious if you plagiarized your story, Snaw. Personally, I thought you would have gotten inspiration from your daily life and shenanigans.

      Snaw: Maybe I did?

      Patricia: What if you didn’t?

      Snaw: What if I did?

      Patricia: What if you didn’t?

      Snaw: What if I did do bop a bap a ding?

      Patricia: Excuse me?

      Snaw: *continues to dance*

      Patricia: *groans* Okay, let’s move on. So Snaw, with all the success you’ve accumulated over the years, how have your fans responded to you?

      Snaw: *stops dancing* Ffffffff...aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…nnnnnnnnn…sssssss??

      Patricia: Uhh, yeah.

      Snaw: And who are these ‘fans’ you speak of? Are they foreign invaders or a type of cheese?

      Patricia: Neither. They’re Neopians who like your NT pieces.

      Snaw: You mean we have a choice to like NT stuff?

      Patricia: Yeah. We’ve always had this choice.

      Snaw: Then we must keep this from the serfs in case they gain literacy!

      Patricia: ...So I’m going to make the wild assumption that you don’t have any fans and neither does the Usuki Singing Stars series. Am I correct?

      Snaw: *dances*

      Patricia: I’ll take that as a no. *sighs* So Snaw, how will you be celebrating your one hundredth NT submission? Will you be hosting a party?

      Snaw: I’m definitely interested in having a gigantic celebration to commemorate my NT victory. The venue must be either my neohome or a banquet hall.

      Patricia: Ooh, I love parties! I’ll be sure to wear a very fancy dress and, maybe, even a tiara–

      Snaw: And who are you exactly?

      Patricia: I’m Patricia, a protagonist of the Usuki Singing Stars series! You of all Neopians must know who I am!

      Snaw: *shakes head*

      Patricia: But what about all those stories you wrote? I was the protagonist for some, or most, of them! How could you possible forget me??

      Snaw: I know not of your feeble attempts to acclaim my identity, young feather whisperer. *waves hand*

      Patricia: *scowls* Then at least inform my BELOVED READERS what you will do with your one hundredth NT trophy.

      Sanw: I shall build a cabinet and display my trophy there for safe keeping. I also demand a parade, cupcakes and a Usuki modeled after me!

      Patricia: *breathes* Well at least your trophy will be in safe hands.

      Snaw: No, I don’t feel like having tea right now, mysterious winged peasant. *waves hand* Now get me some fireworks for when I’ve finally finished my one hundredth entry!

      Patricia: Maybe later. Now I must inform you that our interview is coming to an end and I…well, let’s just say the readers will be in a unique treat when this particular interview gets published…if it ever does, that is. Any closing statements you’d like to make, Snaw?

      Snaw: *draws sword* On guard! *points it at Patricia*

      Patricia: What?

      Snaw: Now I shall be in charge of Meridell, which shall now be known as ‘Ooga Booga Land’! *attacks chair and table with sword*

      Patricia: *jumps out of chair**hides behind it as Snaw destroys table* Well, it seems this interview is officially over…at least I hope it’s over. Nevertheless folks, check back next week when I interview an aspiring comic artist from–*Snaw slices chair in half* Oh no! I have to get out of here! *runs away*

      Snaw: The victor shall now be the dancing Bruce! *sprouts wings and flies away* VICTORY SHALL NOW BE SNAW’S!

      The End (Thank Goodness)


      After 99 NT submissions over who-knows-how-many years, it’s a really big deal for me to finally complete my 100th submission for the Neopian Times! Of course I must thank myself for writing, titling, and submitting everything I’ve sent over the years. Must also thank my pets for serving as the inspiration for the majority of my stories.

      Lastly, a special thank to all my fans (Wherever you all are) and Neofriends for your support and devotion! The 100 submission mark has now been reached, which means I have 100 more pieces of stuff until I’ll be at 200 submissions. Though I must admit my usual procrastination issues may prevent me of reaching my new goal anytime soon, but still!

      And now, I shall dedicate a final dance to having 100 NT submissions! For anyone and everyone reading: thank you and keep on mooing! *dances*

      The End.

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