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Rhoasy's Raddest Restaurants: Grundo's Cafe!

by tennesseethomas


Good morning, Neopians! I know it’s been quite a while since you last heard from me. I won’t go into too many details, but let’s just say there were some issues with my passport (I'm guessing my recent transformation from baby Wocky to usuki Usul might have had something to do with that- but a girl has to switch things up once in a while!), so getting into the Virtupets Space Station wasn’t as easy as I had originally thought! After a long waiting period and a good old fashioned temper tantrum by yours truly, we’ve finally made it, and I’m happy to give you what you’ve been waiting so long for: my review of Grundo’s Cafe, an interesting eatery right on the space station recreation deck! Will it blow Cafe Kreludor out of the water? Let's find out! Remember, I eat it so you don't have to!

Before we get into this lively and interesting little piece of Virtupets, I need to give my readers a quick disclaimer: if you're looking for a meal that reminds you of home, Grundo's Cafe simply isn't the place for you. If, however, you're looking for an adventure, to try something new and a little out of your comfort zone, or maybe even see some interesting folks while you're there, read on! Grundo's Cafe is waiting patiently with a bucket of deep fried space rocks with your name on it!

Speaking of names, our latest haunt is run by Gargarox Isafuhlarg, who only grunted angrily three times when I kept shoving my notepad under his nose to ensure that I'd spelled that correctly. Gargarox is a pretty... robust Grundo, and despite his domineering appearance, he's as friendly as one can be when you speak a totally different language. Though the cafe was mostly housed by Grundos, I did spot a few other Neopians filtering in and out to grab their own delicacies, so you won't have to feel out of place! If you're the kind of person who likes to make new friends, or maybe you're the kind of person who likes to keep to yourself- either way, Grundo's Cafe can suit your needs.

Now, let's get to the decor. The cafe is actually a nice long bar (with swiveling chairs for those who enjoy a little fun with their food), where you let Gargarox know you're ready to order by aggressively slamming your fist down on the counter top. This might seem a little peculiar to some of us Neopians, but a friendly Grundo let me know that Gargarox is a bit hard of hearing and appreciates the help. Because of that alone, not to mention the friendly chatter of hungry Grundos, Grundo's Cafe can be a little loud. Let me remind you once again: this place is not for the feint of heart! If a roaming tentacle or a loud bang is going to leave you looking like you've recently met the business end of a white paint brush, don't bother scheduling a trip to Grundo's Cafe.

Speaking of a roaming tentacle, the bulk of my review will describe all the peculiar foods you can snack on while spinning in your swivel chair and banging your paw as hard as you can against the counter. The truth is, it will be a little difficult for me to explain exactly what these foods taste like, because they're absolutely out of this world!- and no, I don't feel bad about that pun. What I can tell you is: no matter what kind of food you like, you'll find something here for you if you're willing to do some digging. There's breakfast foods, lunch, dinner, desserts and appetizers. There's fried foods, healthy foods, drinks made of oranges and food made entirely out of metal. You can get a chocolate eclair paste or an X-29 sub-orbital cupcake. This place has the best variety of any restaurant I've seen so far- and believe me, I spend a lot of my time eating.

If Grundo's Cafe is lacking anywhere, it's in their appearance. While the food has loads of variety, not too many of those items look particularly appetizing. Some come in helpful little baggies (like the Dehydrated Fungus and the Sugar Bunny Surprise), some are literally floating in the air in front of you (the Orbiting Eclair, the Floating Pasta Mass) and some have titles that might make you a little squeamish to dig in (Toxic Sloth Slushie, and Squashed Salisbury Steak to name a few.) While I haven't met a treat I didn't like, even I was a little wary to try an Oil and Nuts Slushie or an Impermeable Cheese Log. Even the foods that look delicious have off putting titles- "Intergalactic Chewy Stuff" looks like an absolute party, but "chewy stuff" doesn't sound particularly yummy to me. Another big problem I had: some of the food comes in literal buckets, like your meal has been scooped out of a big vat and dumped into your bowl with a ladle. I'm pretty hard to fluster, but I had to take a second glance at that. Despite lots of the foods being tasty, we both know you eat with your eyes first! At the end of the day, I give Grundo's Cafe a four paws out of five.

Now, here's the big question we've all been waiting for: which is better, Grundos Cafe or Cafe Kreludor? The truth is, and don't hate me for this Neopians: the two are like apples and oranges, or Caramalised Blunkabeans and Cosmic Cheese Stars; they simply can't be compared. If you're looking for a trip that's far out from your usual haunts but still has that down-home feeling, you'll be a Cafe Kreludor fan for sure. If you're a born adventurer, the kind of Neopian who wants to take on every new story that he can manage while also filling himself up with peculiar treats, you'll love Grundo's Cafe. My advice is to always give it a shot: get out there, try them both and NeoMail me your results!

While we're on the topic of NeoMail, I feel like I've certainly been lacking in fan mail lately- a NeoMail is free to send, you know, and I especially love the ones that comment on my beauty and how great my fur looks in this dress- anyway, I digress. See you next time, when we take on the elusive and expensive Kelp!

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