The Truth of the Space Techos
It was a hot Tyrannian afternoon when I, the aspiring new reporter, David the Mynci, was interviewing the various factions of the Battleground about the secret society pulling the strings behind Neopian society. That's right, I was asking them about the Space Techos.
My first stop was to the camp of the Brute Squad, where I interviewed their leader, Commander Flint. Despite having thoroughly been injured by the Thieves Guild last battle and stuck in casts on a stretcher, he still managed to keep up his renowned intimidating presence. "Sir," I asked, "do you mind if I ask you some questions about the society of Space Techos?"
"WHAT'S THAT? IS THAT A NEW TEAM ASPIRING TO CONTROL THE OBELISK? I'LL THRASH THEM ALL. IF YOU'RE WITH THEM, YOU CAN GO BACK AND TELL THEIR LEADER THAT THEY'RE DOOMED. YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE WE MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF YOU!"
Rather than explain my intentions, I skedaddled to the Thieves' Guild camp, to interview their leader Kanrik. "Sir, could I bother you for a few questions about the Space Techos?"
"I don't see why not," despite having a reputation as a mastery of thievery, Kanrik had a surprisingly civil and calming presence. "Ask your questions."
"Do you know anything about about the society of Space Techos? Do they compete with you over rackets of global corporations? Do they hire you to do jobs for them?"
Kanrik laughed a hearty laugh. "No, the Space Techos aren't real. I also don't allow anybody to threaten businesses with force, any such individuals are expelled from the Thieves Guild. The era of Thieves committing violence ended with Galem Darkhand, our guild today only steals through stealth and misdirection. We have long since adopted a pacifistic approach to our activities" I questioned the truth of this statement, remembering how Commander Flint was thoroughly beaten by Thieves Guild members less than a week ago. Regardless, Kanrik's comment about misdirection suddenly made me uncomfortable, and I was suddenly convinced that some of the Neopoints in my wallet had gone missing. I quickly ended the interview and made my way to the Order of the Red Erisim's camp.
"Miss Rasala, could I bother you for a few questions? It's about the Space Techos."
"The Space Techos? Oh, why certainly, I know all about them. Did you know that they're secretly controlling the other factions at this Obelisk?"
"I had my suspicions, yes."
"Well they are. And they control the Faeries as well. They control the Kings and leaders of all of the lands of Neopia. I believe they have a secret base in Lutari Island, but have yet to be able to find it."
"You can't find the base? Or you can't find Lutari Island?"
"Exactly! I've had mages try to scry the location, but to no avail. I think it's those folks at the Awakened Camp, they can interfere with our magical readings." By the time I finished the interview, Rasala the Bright had blamed just about every possible group in Neopia short of her own. I actually became suspicious that she was in league with the Space Techos herself, though I admit it was just a hunch.
I next made my way to the camp of the Seekers. Their camp was actually in a nearby crater, where they appeared to be excavating and researching Tyrannian artifacts. "Mister Lambert, could I bother you for some questions?"
"That's PROFESSOR Lambert, you uncouth plebian. No matter, I suppose I could answer your questions. What is it concerning?"
"Sir, I was wondering if you or any of your scholars knew anything of the Space Techos? Rasala the Bright just told me a lot and I was hoping you could..."
He laughed a haughty laugh, unlike Kanrik's, it immediately made me uncomfortable. "There is no such thing, silly boy. My rival Rasala may be a brilliant mage, but her naivete in other matters is astounding. The Space Techos are a long debunked hypothesis people stubbornly cling on to. I actually have researched trying to find an explanation for where people have come up with this crazy idea. My own belief is that it is an embellishment of the story of Dr. Sloth and the Grundos and other mutant pet ethnicities. The common elements of reptilian pets from space and an evil mastermind seem to be a somewhat constant between the two."
"That's very interesting," I lied, "Thank you for the interview, I'll have to go now." Still determined for answers, I sought out the Sway. They seemed to be expecting me. As I approached their colossal, canopied pavilion, the Duchess made her way out to greet me.
"Welcome, my dear lad. We've been expecting you."
"H-how did you..."
"Know you were coming? We have eyes and ears everywhere, even sleeper agents within the other camps. They report to me that you've visited every camp, save for the Awakened. Terrific timing, the other camps are completely ignorant of what goes on in the world, and had you gone to the Awakened at any point they likely would have brainwashed you with a necromantic ritual to join them. Tell me, lad, are you familiar with Gavril McGill?"
"The mayor of Krawk Island? He's a Techo in disguise?"
"No, my dear, he's Sway. We helped him orchestrate the destruction and reconstruction of Krawk Island so that we could arrange for him to be made the mayor. I only bring it up so you can understand how influential our order is before I let in on our secret. Would you care for a spot of tea?" I agreed to the cup of tea, though it smelled odd, as though it had a Healing Potion added to it. "The truth is, there are no Space Techos. We ourselves made them up and spread the rumor to distract the general public from our own presence, as we were not ready for the public to know of our existence. Ever since the War of the Obelisk happened, however, the Neopian populace has been aware of us and the old rumor no longer serves its original purpose and merely takes away the credit we now wish to claim for what we have been doing. We vie with the other factions at this obelisk that we may use its power to help maintain our grip on the world. Were our agents not deployed all across Neopia, we would win every skirmish, but alas we need to divert our resources to other areas. Bottom line is, I wish to get across a message to the public and your position as a reporter for the Neopian Times shall be our delivery. We are in control of Neopia. We will ensure global peace for years to come and a global utopia. You have no reason to resist us. Resistance would be futile. Submit to us, Neopia, and we will make this world a better place. We will make the world perfect. We will raise Faerieland and take over. Fyora is our puppet. Accept this truth, and join us."
Having been told the truth and myself joining the Sway, I end my article. To interview the Awakened would be pointless and unnecessarily dangerous. I support their message and encourage you all to join your cause. Submitted for your approval, this has been David Mync, Sway recruit and Neopian Times reporter.