Returning

      She had forgotten to tell me what color the sweater was. What with all the paperwork needed to do a last minute pet transfer, especially this early in the morning, I didn't blame her. But, with the sweater, I wanted to know what it looked like, it helped me imagine myself better.

     I should probably mention, before I get too far along, that I am blind, have been for a long time now, ever since I was sick in the pound. I'm used to a lack of colors now, it doesn't bug me as much as it used to, plus I'd gotten used to imagining the looks of things. Sometimes, it made it more fun.

      I decided on imagining the sweater as purple as I closed the door behind me. Almedha had painted me striped a while before, describing the color as best she could while she was painting me. I could easily imagine a light blue and pink color to my fur now, although it had taken some getting used to. My hair was black, it had always been black regardless of color changes. That, at least, was constant.

     I took off my sneakers, hanging my bags on the pegs by the wall. They had always been there, ever since I had first come to the old house. Librarian hadn't moved them, but then again how would she? They were stuck in the wall. But she always had her ways, her really odd ways. I wouldn't have been surprised if somehow the door had moved from one side of the house to the other in one of her fits of boredom. I would have to get used to her again, if I was going to be living in the old house.

     I rested my paw on the wall, feeling the wood grain of the trim contrasted against the peeling wallpaper. It had taken me months to learn the layout when I first got to the house. When I had been in the pound, things were small, I didn't move around much, I didn't need to know the layout of things. Sure, I knew the pets around me by their breathing and their sneezing, but the rest of the pound had been dark for me. Compared to that, the house had been huge, a labyrinth of twists and turns that left me dizzy. I got the hang of it with Librarian's help. We had worked together.

     I considered, for a moment, if we could ever work together like that again.

     Saying I had abandonment problems was an understatement. First the pound, then the sudden disappearances, then she just left, leaving me in the pound until Almedha could grab me for her. When Almedha had asked if I wanted to go back, I was as surprised as her when I said yes.

      I shuffle into the house, my hands out in front of me. I expected there to be boxes, bins, chests, anything to show that people were living there. Instead, the house was clean, organized, the exact opposite of the Librarian I had known.

     But maybe that was a good thing.

      "Seans?" I asked again, my voice echoing off the walls. I heard a noise on the second floor, followed by a scampering of footfalls. My eyes watered.

     I would recognize those paws anywhere.

     I could hear the pounding of paws on the staircase, followed by the swish that an Xweetok tail makes when its graces the landing of a staircase. Then, the footsteps stopped. I could imagine him there, hesitating at the end of the hall, wondering if he was dreaming.

     I wondered if he still dreamed like he used to, or he had grown out of it.

      No, I decided, Seans would not grow out of dreams. Seans was too much like, well, Seans, to grow out of dreams.

      "Seans, it's me, I'm home," I said, my voice choking up. I rubbed my ear in impatience, waiting for any response from the hallway. Footsteps started sprinting down the hall in my direction. I turned, my arms out wide. Seans dove at me, wrapping me in a tight hug. He was younger than me, and skinnier, but taller, so his arms circled around my shoulders. He started to laugh, that almost-but-not-quite-insane laugh that I had missed.

      It had been so long. Two years was too long.

      "Anna!" he shouted, rubbing my head with his hand and laughing. I could imagine his eyes sparkling at me. He told me they were green, but he could have been lying to me. Seans was known to fib every so often, just for fun, not on any big details or anything, just the small things. "Anna you're back! You're back! You're back! I missed you so much!" Seans said, laughing again and jumping up and down. I could feel the floorboards creek with his excitement. "I got a squid, his name is Hector, and he's my friend and I missed you, want me to describe things again? Like colors, I can try and describe Hector to you, oh, and tea, we have tea, I missed you Anna!" Seans said again, hugging me tightly. I laughed, wiping my eyes on my arm and sighing.

      "I missed you too, Seans," I said, turning my head towards the other half of the house. "Where is... she?" Seans hesitated, I could almost hear him trying to think through who I was talking about. He jumped up and down a little when he finally got it, the floor creaking beneath his feet.

      "Oh, Mom, yeah, she's on the other side of the house, in her office or something, I think she might have fallen asleep, or something, I dunno," Seans said. I could feel the shift in weight on the floor as he shrugged. "Want me to get her?"

      "No, I can get to the den myself," I said quietly, turning towards the living room. The last thing I wanted to do right then was talk to Librarian. I had had my share of her leaving us places, separating us, vanishing on a whim. I had gotten past the hating her; the hate was gone after the first time she left.

     She was fickle.

     She was annoying.

     She couldn't cook.

     But for some reason, I came back.

      I walked down the hallway towards the den, the sound of slow, steady, sleepy breathing echoing off the walls as I got closer to the den. I placed my hand on the doorway, waiting to see if she woke up. The breathing remained the same, barely changing as the door creaked as I pushed it to the side.

      I stood just inside the door, trying to picture Librarian in my mind. She would be asleep on her desk, with a book or a pad of paper next to her hands, her hair dyed some crazy color that never turned out right. She had told me time and time again about her failures with hair color, although I could never quite see them in my mind. She was probably in an oversized sweater, probably had tea somewhere on her desk, although how new it was depended entirely on how busy she had been.

      I breathed in. The air smelled the same way it did when she got back from a long trip, sort of musty and warm and a bit like snow. I braced myself on the door, steading myself. For a split second I wanted to shout at her, to scream at her, to let all the hatred and anger I thought I had gotten rid of two years ago out of my system and into her face.

     I listened to her snoring for a few more seconds before slowly closing the door and walking back into the living room, wiping my eyes on the back of my hand and sighing, letting a small smile creep onto my face.

     I was past being angry.

     The steady creaking of the couch springs told me that Seans was sitting on the couch. I sat down next to him, folding my hands over my lap and sighing.

     "Well? Is she getting up? Was she happy? Did you cry? You guys cry a lot. I don't cry. Well, I do when I stub my toe. Did she cry, Anna?"

     I stared unseeingly at the wall across from the couch, a small smile flitting across my face.

     I had missed her.

      "I let Mom sleep," I said, the name tasting stale in my mouth. It had been years since I had called anyone that. "We'll have all the time in the world to talk when she wakes up."

     And for the first time in a long time, I felt home again.

The End