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The Professors of BVU (as Reviewed by Students)


by flufflepuff

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Also by rielcz

So, you're wondering which professor to take for next term? I don't blame you. After all, Neopets and owners alike tend to lean towards the popular games when trying to decide what to play, order food from kelp that other customers swear by, and restock at the Magic Shop, said to be the most popular restocking spot. It doesn't take a degree to figure out that most people and Neopets are drawn to the familiar, or are at least willing to try new things if there are others to guide them. While I can't accompany all the newer students on their journeys due to recent graduation from Brightvale University, what I've done is compiled a series of reviews for your perusal, and hopefully, for your benefit. These reviews are from actual students who took the classes each of these professors taught last term. Granted, not every subject nor every professor was reviewed—these are the more popular classes taken, and the ones with which I could personally interview the most students. Hopefully these reviews will inspire you to select the perfect class.

***

Potions/Magic

Professor Iris Hathaway

Species/Colour: Yellow Poogle

Consensus: 7/10

  • Class taken: Potions
  • Overall: 5/10
  • Engaging: 2/10
  • Safety: 10/10
  • Difficulty: 5/10
  • Learnability: 1/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

Total waste of time. Too much time spent on ingredients and warnings and not enough on actual potion-making. I must of learned about two potions that won't do much. Your in for a bore if you take her.

  • Class taken: Magic
  • Overall: 8/10
  • Engaging: 8/10
  • Safety: 3/10
  • Difficulty: 9/10
  • Learnability: 8/10
  • Would you take this professor again: Y

She certainly hath-a-way with her staff and clearly knows her stuff. Professor Hathaway's impossible to stump, but her class is no easy A. Just do the reading—twice over, if you don't get it, and ask questions in class. She's more than willing to help you if you're struggling, but only if you're also willing. Also, when she demonstrates her Frost Blast, stay on the left side of the room. It's always overheated.

  • Class taken: Magic
  • Overall: 8/10
  • Engaging: 3/10
  • Safety: 1/10
  • Difficulty: 8/10
  • Learnability: 9/10
  • Would you take this professor again: Y

Got sent to the NeoHospital after a failed spark attempt in which I single-hoofedly destroyed most of her equipment. Professor Hathaway was kind enough to teleport me to the NeoHospital straightaway, and let me back in her class like nothing happened. Her methods are a bit dry, but I think I learned more than I thought I would from that experience. You do have to work, and work especially hard if you start to backslide like I did. But she's still really sweet and understanding if something goes awry.

Calculus

Professor Angus Brutger

Species/Colour: Blue Lenny

Consensus: 7/10

  • Overall: 6/10
  • Engaging: 4/10
  • Safety: 2/10
  • Difficulty: 7.5/10
  • Learnability: 4/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

If you can avoid this math teacher at any cost, DO IT. I dare you. Seriously, I shouldn't even have to dare you, you should just do it.

Seriously.

He's barely understandable and NEVER projects examples on the giant screen during lectures; if you want to see what's going on you HAVE to sit near the front where the tiny blackboards are, and sitting in the front is intimidating.

OK, him being never understandable is something of a lie... but only just. You can understand him when he's insulting you over your lack of math ability.

  • Overall: 5/10
  • Engaging: 6/10
  • Safety: 8/10
  • Difficulty: 8/10
  • Learnability: 5/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

If anything he's good for a laugh. He really, really loves the Calculus he teaches and is actually somewhat concerned about his students' learning – he frequently asks, "Is everything clear?" – which is rare for a teacher these days.

(When I asked him, however, what Trig Identities to memorize, he cryptically replied, "Memorize as many as you need to derive the rest.)

That said... The fact he mumbles, combined with his thick East Altadorian accent, makes understanding and learning anything from what he says nearly impossible: your best bet is to sit near the front and copy examples verbatim. And study the textbook, as long and unintuitive as it is.

But, as I started with, he's funny, if in an extremely condescending way. In ending of his "Intro to the Mathematical Definition of Limits," he told the class, "It works out but you don't know why. I know why, but you don't. Maybe you will know why in a year, maybe two, probably never, but for the time being suffer on your own." And then he left the room.

  • Overall: 10/10
  • Engaging: 10/10
  • Safety: 10/10
  • Difficulty: 0/10
  • Learnability: 0/10
  • Would you take this professor again: Y

this class was sooo easy. i passed it with 99% but then again im a genius at the calculus!

but read the textbook, kay?

the prof may need help with teaching but he's funny and we got along faeriely well.

Kinesiology

Professor Ace Thomastic

Species/Colour: Green Skeith

Consensus: 4.5/10

  • Overall: 3/10
  • Engaging: 6/10
  • Safety: 0/10
  • Difficulty: 4/10
  • Learnability: 4/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

The guy is OK. But... he really likes dodgeball. One of those, "If you can dodge a wrench, then by Fyora, you can dodge a ball!" kind of fellows. And there's a lot of truth in that statement, less truth in the inverse... I had to get stitches. Thrice.

And my glasses broke during a game. And then my backup pair broke like a week later. And it's really hard to play dodgeball if you can't actually SEE anything 2 feet in front of you.

We also did hardly any learning into anatomy or Neopet physiological structure. Any time the Brightvale Recreational Facility was unbooked, there we were, playing dodgeball.

"CANDY, DO NOT GET IN THE WAY OF THE BALL AND YOU GET AN A," Professor Thomastic would call out, just before it thwacked me in the skull. "YOU GET AN F."

Just... don't take this class. He should probably be fired.

Overall: 6/10

Engaging: 10/10

Safety: 1/10

Difficulty: 8/10

Learnability: 5/10

Would you take this professor again: N

Professor Thomastic has probably the most would-be-iconic movie lines, but if only the class was an actual movie instead of a class. I'd enjoy watching students run haplessly all over campus trying to dodge the balls he'd throw, but I'd rather not be that kind of actor.

Especially not when the ball hits me, which counts as a failing participation grade for the day.

I quote, almost verbatim, "If you can dodge a wrench, then by Fyora, you can dodge a ball!" *insert slow-motion shot of Professor Thomastic throwing a ball at us*

I get that he's trying hard to base our grades on ability, which not many professors of his kind do, but honestly, is he aware that we have other classes to take that we can't concentrate on because we're so bruised and achy from dodging balls?

The worst part is, there are a few consistent ditchers which he almost never notices. They probably got A's at the end of last term because he'd never hit them. It's like they're rewarded for their lack of academic integrity. I'd sure like to see them try that with Mrs. Owen.

To his credit, he tries hard—but perhaps a little too hard.

Overall: 8/10

Engaging: 7/10

Safety: 2/10

Difficulty: 2/10

Learnability: 6/10

Would you take this professor again: Y

Man I loved this guy. Ace was an ace in the whole! Haha. Seriously, there was very little studying, very little testing... Just dodgeball. So much freakin' dodgeball.

It was like I was in an action movie. I thought some of those balls would explode on contact.

THIS CLASS MADE ME FEEL SO ALIVE.

Creative Writing

Professor Anthony Davis

Species/Colour: Pink Lupe

Consensus: 8/10

  • Overall: 6/10
  • Engaging: 10/10
  • Safety: 10/10
  • Difficulty: 8/10
  • Learnability: 5/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

If you have perfect pitch, I'd advise you not to take this guy. From what I've heard, ProfessorDavis doubled in English and Music, and boy does he like to combine the two. Granted, he's a good motivational speaker, and he's really good at the guitar, but it's his voice that kind of distracted me from getting a good portion of my prose done.

Which is saying a lot, because normally I can churn out prose like the Rainbow Fountain.

Professor Davis does take the time to read our work and calls us to him to receive one-on-one feedback on a regular basis, which is pretty nice. All the talk about 'letting out how you feel, maaaaaan' and 'release the pen!' is slightly unnerving when one hears it twice a week.

Even so, this was probably one of my more interesting classes to date.

  • Overall: 9/10
  • Engaging: 10/10
  • Safety: 2/10
  • Difficulty: 1/10
  • Learnability: 5/10
  • Would you take this professor again: Y

"Brightvale University is, like, prestigious maaaann." That is actually what he told us every day to start our lectures. "And you're part of it you little rebels," he would continue whilst in life-induced bliss. "Now let's go out and change the world... through the power of the written word," he finished as he thrust his pen into the air before whirring it around like something truly majestic.

This is actually the easiest class I've ever taken.

He grades either 100% or 0, and not on the content of what's written but on the paragraph that has to accompany every work handed in. A paragraph in which the student must declare, "What does this piece mean to you and how does it makes you feel? Why will this change the world through the power of the written word, maaaann? "

And then of course he's also a musician. At random he'll totally break out into song, wailing on his "This machine fights Sloth" guitar, and wailing in real life too... He sounds JUST enough like a Lupe in pain to be extremely annoying.

That said it's a great way to change things up and waste time... Sometimes I even sing along.

  • Overall: 8/10
  • Engaging: 10/10
  • Safety: 10/10
  • Difficulty: 3/10
  • Learnability: 9/10
  • Would you take this professor again: YYY

Professor Davis really seemed to understand the way I thought, and was enthralled with my writing. His class is simple and enjoyable: you just have to learn to be free, and if you don't know how to do that, he teaches that in such a way that you can't help but pay attention. By which I mean he sings. Yes, it may be rather juvenile to some, but it did help me remember. Take Professor Davis for Creative Writing; you're going to love him.

Brightvalian Literature

Professor Nancy Owen

Species/Colour: Red Pteri

Consensus: 7/10

  • Overall: 8/10
  • Engaging: 7/10
  • Safety: 10/10
  • Difficulty: 8/10
  • Learnability: 9/10
  • Would you take this professor again: Y

You guessed right, folks, this is the one and only Mrs. Owen from Neoschool, but Fyora help you if you mistakenly call her that. She will launch into an endless tirade about how she earned the title Professor and how one should be called such, hence why she calls us "students" and not "you guys."

The readings she assigns are not very difficult, but you do have to keep up. Despite her wearing glasses, she can tell who read the assignments and who didn't based on your facial expressions. One panicked eye twitch accompanying the thought "Oh no, I didn't read it!" and you'll be penalized—participation counts heavily.

The midterm and final are based on the readings she gives but usually she includes some of her lecture on the final. You will not find the answer to the questions on the blackboard.

I know sometimes it'll feel like Professor Owen's out to get you, but really, she's not. Just be prepared to work and you'll do fine.

  • Overall: 7/10
  • Engaging: 4/10
  • Safety: 10/10
  • Difficulty: 9/10
  • Learnability: 7/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

Too much reading. I felt like my eyeballs were going to explode by half term—and I wear glasses, just like she does. I don't know how Professor Owen does it. If you're going to have a heavy workload this term, you probably shouldn't take her unless you have a death wish. Professor Owen's nice enough, but she won't let up even if you're absent for a legitimate reason.

  • Overall: 8/10
  • Engaging: 7/10
  • Safety: 7/10
  • Difficulty: 7/10
  • Learnability: 8/10
  • Would you take this professor again: Y

If you're up for a challenge that leaves you ultimately stimulated by Term's end, take an Owen class. (And yes I've nicknamed this sort of classes "Owen classes".)

It's a lot of work and a lot of reading, but Mrs. Owen REALLY gets to the heart of great works of literature and picks them apart so abstractly you're left wondering if you just heard an analyzing of P. R. Black's of The Spyder's Dream or got smashed in the back of the head from a lemon wrapped around a solid gold brick.

It's a truly great feeling.

Don't fall behind though or you'll quickly regret it. But for someone who considers themselves adept in the picking apart and putting together of any great Brightvalean literature and beyond, put your skills to the test by taking an Owen class.

Ancient Neopian History

Professor Chesterpot

Species/Colour1: Blue Acara

Consensus: 7/10

  • Overall: 8/10
  • Engaging: 7/10
  • Danger Level: 2/10
  • Difficulty: 10/10
  • Learnability: 7/10
  • Would you take this professor again: Y

First of all, the guy's a Seeker. I have to preface with that as I'm a Seeker too. (Warning though – he doesn't take too kindly to those outside his faction.)

That said... man can the guy teach. And teach the really abstract and unknown, too. Often does he start a lecture with, "And here is something you won't find in any textbook" before plunging into underground trade relationships between the council of East Altador and Neopia Central, or that the war between Meridell and Darigan Citadel was really a front for stopping the rising anti-monarchy sentiments of the former county... or the REAL reasons the stock market crashed.

Or the "Lost and forgotten ORIGINAL Faction War of Neopian Prehistory," a topic he loves to delve into on a semi-frequent basis.

Now, THAT said... Because of the "lack of textbook", studying for his exams – consisting of 25 short answer questions and 4 essays, 2 of which about the ORIGINAL war – is nearly impossible unless you're REALLY paying attention.

And that THAT said... And in somewhat summation, too... He's just so engaging he makes paying attention pretty easy.

  • Overall: 8/10
  • Engaging: 8/10
  • Danger Level: 2/10
  • Difficulty: 10/10
  • Learnability: 9/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

I'll be honest, I was rather excited when I heard Professor Chesterpot, yes THE Professor Chesterpot, was teaching at Brightvale University. He's discovered the Battledome, the Catacombs, Maraqua, and rivals Hannah in terms of adventurous spirit.

That's why I was incredibly disappointed when Ancient Neopian History turned out to be one story after another—I wasn't really sure if I was studying history or "Secrets of Neopia." Granted, it was very exciting, but I wish I'd gotten what I'd paid for.

The tests are nearly impossible—he doesn't even grant the meager mercy of multiple-choice questions for the midterm OR the final.

He also goes over class time a lot, so be prepared to stay extra to finish hearing one of his stories. The class is entertaining and tiring all at once. Take him at your own risk.

  • Overall: 3/10
  • Engaging: 2/10
  • Danger Level: 2/10
  • Difficulty: 10/10
  • Learnability: 6/10
  • Would you take this professor again: N

Takes way too much time, is way too hard, and talks way too much in that nasally voice of his. DO NOT TAKE HIS CLASS... unless you like to work really really hard and write every single day.

In that case, Professor Chesterpot is the perfect professor for you.

    ***

These reviews came from different types of students with different majors, but all are valued, and many of them expressed the same opinions despite their different backgrounds. While it's true that some of these reviews may be more helpful than others, I hope you're able to find the class that works for you. In addition, because the ratings and reviews come from all kinds of students, I advise you to take this compilation with a grain of salt.

I wish the best of luck to you in your Brightvale University endeavors!

--R.C.

 
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