Battle Quills... ready! Circulation: 192,686,136 Issue: 656 | 1st day of Hiding, Y16
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

Five Games to Avoid if You're Easily Frustrated


by sweetj912

--------

Most Neopians have a favorite game (or 9) that they play all the time, even if the game doesn't pay out well. Many times, we wind up earning decently high scores, simply because of how often we play it. Some games are just that fun and addicting.

And then, some aren't.

Some games are so unreasonably random or difficult that they cause emotional distress and soul-wrenching frustration (for those of us who simply cannot seem to catch a break when playing them).

Our minds turn these games into sentient beings, because surely they're out to get us. You can't fail that many times and have your countless defeats be your fault anymore.

No... these games are pure menace, bent on our personal destruction from the inside out. If you're the type who experiences these traumas, here's a list of the top five evil, evil games you should most definitely avoid:

5. Cheat

Cheat is a relatively fun and quite simple card game that awards you a lovely trophy for your lookup with minimal amount of work (compared to flash games.) It's the fact that the program seems bent on watching you suffer that's the problem.

Picture it: so close to winning the game. Only one card left in your hand- a 3 of spades. But... oh no! You need a 5, 6, or 7, not a 3. Well, it's just one card. So you select your 3 of spades and you lie, claiming it's a 5. I mean, it's not like you're trying to claim you have four 5's here... just one! How could they possible suspect you to be lying?

...Well, they do. They catch you. And now, your guaranteed win has blown up in your face as you stare at the pile of 10 cards shoved gleefully into your hands by a very bratty Acara, who goes on to claim victory two plays later. The whole thing appears to just be an unfortunate horror story.

Until it happens seven games in a row.

Oh sure, maybe you still manage to win a few of those games despite the setbacks, but now your brain has become permanently suspicious of every move your opponents make. And you're pretty sure you heard your mom calling you to dinner over an hour ago. But you can't leave yet! You need that trophy. You need the glory. You need to get these 14 cards out of your hand, darn it! Your fingers ache. :(

4. Splat a Sloth

The simplistic game play of Splat a Sloth is what really causes the feelings of insanity to well up inside us. It's frustrating because it should be such an easy game... but it's not!

You literally have no warning about when the sloth puppet is going to appear. It could happen just one second after you hit play... or it could take a minute and a half. And once it does finally come sliding out of the tube, you may become so frantic and excited that you slam your spacebar with your entire hand, maybe even hitting some other keys in the process, resulting in a bad score and a broken keyboard.

The game also eventually causes you to have antsy trigger fingers- you become so anxious and frustrated waiting on the sloth puppet to appear that you end up hitting your spacebar too early... constantly. And every time you do it, it seems to be one millisecond before the evil puppet actually appears, leaving you with the depressing knowledge that if you'd just waited one little second longer, you'd have gotten him.

A truly evil game, but you'd expect that of a sloth game.

3. Wingoball

Wingoball calls itself a puzzle game, but should instead refer to itself as a "test your patience while up against a ticking timer" game.

In this game, you're given unlimited use of a red ball, and you have a certain amount of seconds to throw the ball with the hope that it manages to guide itself through mazes, gnomes, and other ridiculously convoluted obstacles. The real frustration with this game comes mainly from two problems:

1. Once the ball is thrown, you have to sit and watch helplessly, begging the Neopian universe to guide your ball for you since you can't do it, and

2. The game forces you to aim right down to the pixel.

The pixel! Literally being one pixel off when throwing the ball means the ball not making it to the other side, and you losing the entire game.

A pixel!

And not only do you have to aim right down to the pixel, you also have to hope the evil ball-stealing gnomes that move around your screen aren't in the way as your ball heads for the finish line. Because many times, even when you do aim right down to the pixel (seriously, a PIXEL?!!), there's the whole "your ball better be in the right place at the right time, or else" issue the game likes throwing your way.

2. Dice of Destiny

One of the most evil "Luck & Chance" type games out there (besides slot machines), this game is most definitely alive, and thrives on your frustrated cries of "What? Nooo! I didn't mean to hit that! WHY ISN'T THERE AN UNDO BUTTON?! Arrgh!!"

What's worse is that the luckier you are in the Bonus Round at the beginning of the game, the more anxiety that builds up inside of you as you move through each level. Earning 75 bonus points after completing level 1 feel amazing- until you get to level 3 and lose the game. All those lucky, coveted bonus points that may have earned you a place on the high score table if only you'd been able to finish the game... gone! And it'll take you at least another 26 game plays to get that kind of luck again.

And of course, there's the cruel reality of rolling "negative" bonus points. That's right- during the bonus round, you may find yourself deprived not just of your lucky bonus points, but even your hard-earned normal points! I had to do basic math for those points! WHY ARE THEY BEING TAKEN AWAY FROM ME?!!

*huffs angrily, hair a mess*

*attempts to regain composure*

Let's finish this article up before I have to visit the Neopian Hospital. Again.

1. The Buzzer Game

Frankly, I consider this to be one of the most evil games in existence, period. I hope whoever created this game is proud of the pain and suffering they've caused countless Neopians.

Where to even start? Well first, even using the trick to make your mouse appear on the screen (type cheese) isn't that huge of a help. If anything, it just creates a fruitless sense of hope and confidence that still typically ends in failure.

Secondly, it's the 2D nightmare version of a game that would still be next to impossible to complete even if it were an actual 3D game right in front of our very human persons. We're expected to move a 2D loop around a 2D wire that's the same exact color as the loop without the wire touching the loop?!

It's widely recommended that younger Neopians or those who live in Neohomes with thin walls do not play the Buzzer Game, as to avoid getting in trouble for the deafening screams of frustration that will most definitely force their way out of your lungs.

In next week's issue of Neopian Times: We consult with-- er, interview Lawyerbot about the probability of Neopians winning lawsuits for emotional pain and suffering.

Have a great day!

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Faerie Abilities Guide Series: Level 100
Each ability in this tier costs 6 blessings of two elements and 8 blessings of a third element.

Also by woccawoccawocca

by dragonsfriend1021


---------

Aggravated Ava-Stars 04: Watch Your Back
You should never let your guard down around them...

by amelia_124

---------

Ballad of the Faerie's Champion: Lessons - Part Two
"All that we went through, and you had the bad manners to go and survive."

by shinkoryu14

---------

Agent of the Sway: Resistance - Part Two
A few days into the voyage, Clayton was surprised to see a visitor in his little cargo hold. "I know you're in here somewhere," the little JubJub said...

by herdygerdy



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.