The Cross-Painted Curse: Part Four

As the battle raged around the mysterious Obelisk, the battle at home had reached a standstill. None of us wanted to set Lorelai off, not when she was fighting every day. The boys were so bored of being cooped up in the neolodge, and I was running out of neopoints for extras to keep them entertained. We tiptoed around Lorelai in the brief periods she returned to sleep. I learnt quickly to leave the Essence of Everlasting Apple out for her, as offering to administer it for her incited her rage. And what rage. I had never thought that my baby could be this angry. I wanted to comfort her, but she wouldn't let me in.

***

     As the War for the Obelisk grew tougher and tougher, I rose through the ranks of the Brute Squad. I was angry, and powerful, and they admired that. I was getting through twice the usual opponents. Typically, my Lens Flare and appearance, coupled with my smart-alec mouth had them standing stunned while I finished them off with a upper cut from my trusty Ridiculously Heavy Battle Hammer. I took no more than twenty hits of damage a day, barely a dent, and I lost no energy throughout the fights.

     Back at the neolodge, Kai had clearly told the boys to stay out of my way. I think they watched me storm back into the lobby, and fled to their beds. Good. I didn't want to see them, or let them see me scuffed and sweaty from the battles. Someone kept leaving out Essence of Everlasting Apple for me, and for that I was grateful.

     At night I felt very lonely.

     I found myself forgetting I was angry with my younger brothers and Kai. I wanted to talk to them. I wanted a hug from Calvin after a long day. I wanted Lafayett to give me a piece of candy without anyone else seeing. I wanted Cardenio to tell me something stupid he had learned that day. More than anything, I wanted Kai to stroke my head as she passed, or smile at me over a boy's head as he babbled on with some tedious story, or warm her hands on my body. But of course, she couldn't do that anymore. I was cold, cold outside and cold inside. Cold and lonely.

     As the war dragged on and on, I found myself getting... bored. I wanted to go home, I wanted to train again. I wanted a friendly word. I had given up on comebacks, I just took what they yelled at me and smacked them. I gained another new reputation, to go along with my cruelty at school, and my leadership at home, out on the battlefield I was now known simply by my colours. The Christmas Snow Brute sent first time battlers running.

     Only the higher echelons of the enemy factions dared to face me. They tried to put me off by taunting me with my appearance. Please. Did they really think they were the first? Well, they were certainly the first to say it to my face. I told them that, as I defeated them. As I struck the final, crushing blow, I would tell them I admired them, for having guts where so many didn't. I told them in another life we could have been friends, before I turned and left them, weakened and beaten, lying on the ground behind me.

     I knew my brothers didn't like that we had Brute Squad posters on our walls. That they couldn't speak to their friends, whose families were either Seekers or Order members. I heard them muttering, through the walls at night. That's the one good thing about being the only girl, I get my own room. The boys were all next to me, and Kai in the room beyond. I heard her talking to them, at night, when they thought I was asleep. I heard her saying good night and tucking them in. She didn't come in to me like usual. I lay in bed for hours, listening to my younger brothers griping about me, and being part of the Brute Squad, and not being at home, and me. Lots about me.

     Back in the tents, my abilities were such that I was invited to attend the strategy planning meetings. I was told I could step back, they wanted to preserve me for whatever was inside the obelisk. They thought that these battles were just the beginning, and I was inclined to agree. But it didn't follow that I should stop fighting. Nothing was going to make me stop fighting, nothing.

     I tried to persuade Commander Flint not to go into battle, and he agreed with me. Until Kanrik sent him a taunting message with a White Lenny feather. I didn't say it out loud, but it looked like the Duchess had had a hand in the letter as well. After that, there was no stopping Flint, he wouldn't listen to reason or pleading or strategy. A good leader, but he needs to calm down. The most I could do to help was attack the other leaders, so I went for them. I defeated the Duchess and Kanrik the first two days, then had to take a day to recover. I was getting sadder and lonelier, and didn't know what I could do about it.

     When I came down to breakfast the day after leaving Kanrik battered and bruised in the dust, the boys nearly fell out of their seats with shock. I realised I must look like something the Meowclops dragged in, covered in healing cuts. I had also given up on the whole shower/brush thing since the fighting started. Plus, my snow was starting to tan, which was confusing for everyone. Did anyone know that could happen?

     "S-s-so Lorelai, how's the ba-battle going?" enquires Lafayett, timidly.

     When did my baby brother get scared of me?

     "It's going great of course!" blusters Cardenio. "Of course they're winning, they've got our big sister on their side!"

     When did my younger brother start talking like that?

     "Calvin?" asks Kai, as she comes into the room. She puts her hands on the back of his neck, and continues, "Can you make sure you pick up your books before Lorelai gets back, please?" He grunts in response, leaning back against her arms.

     Did Calvin just grunt? Since when did well-read Calvin grunt?

     She leans forwards and hugs him, carefully avoiding his hot patches. She steps over his tail and loops her arms around the necks of the younger boys, who nuzzle into her. She still hasn't seen me, standing motionless in front of the fridge. I blend in, my snow offers me camouflage.

     I watch the scene greedily. It's been so long since I hugged anyone. The only people who get close to me now are only close so I can defeat them. I had forgotten how much I liked Kai's hugs.

     I move forwards instinctively, and the movement makes Kai jump.

     "Oh! My goodness, Lorelai, you're still here!" She can't seem to find anything to say. She isn't meeting my eyes.

     "Boys, make room for your sister." Why won't she look at me? Why won't any of them look at me. The anger is welling up again. Dutifully, my brothers shuffle, then Calvin stands up. He mutters something about his books and leaves, his tail swishing pointedly behind him. The little boys follow him quickly, heads ducked and Cardenio's wings tucked in tight.

     Kai turns around and busies herself at the stove. "Have you eaten yet or not?" she asks, without looking at me. I don't know what to say to her. I don't know what I want her to hear from me. I mumble an answer, and turn my back on her to open the fridge. I know there's nothing in there I want to eat, but I can't stare at her back any longer.

     When I eventually close the door, and sit at the table again, Kai is watching me. She looks so sad. She takes a deep breath as though she is steeling herself, and starts saying things. I don't want to hear any of this, but I can't leave.

     I have never felt so lonely before.

     "Lorelai, we need to talk." Go away. Don't say this to me.

     "Do we?" That was flippant of me. Why did I say it like that?

     "I'm worried about you." Oh, shut up.

     "I'm one of the best fighters on the Brute Squad, you don't need to worry about me."

     "I don't mean the battles. I mean you. I'm worried about you and how you're feeling."

     I can feel my hackles rising. How I'm feeling is firstly, none of her business, and secondly, entirely her fault.

     "I'm fine," I say shortly.

     "You're not fine!"

     "Well, how would you know?" I'm shouting now.

     "You've been avoiding me, and the boys. You're not happy. We need to do something about this. Tell me why you're unhappy. Maybe I can help."

     I take a slow, calming breath. "You really want to know why I'm unhappy?" I ask her, my voice low and bitter. She nods emphatically.

     I look down at myself. At my horrible Snow Acara body, stained orange and red with the dust of the battleground and old blood stains. At the dusty and ripped Christmas Acara jacket, that doesn't match the colour I'm painted. My eyes move to the fan above the stove, and in the burnished steel I can see the Christmas Acara hat flopping over the Snow Acara horns that keep getting caught in everything. It took me weeks to get used to my new body. I miss my fins, my tail and my whiskers.

     Out of nowhere, a memory forces itself in front of the upsetting scene in front of me. A summer morning a few months after I swam in the Magma Pool, we had gone to Kiko Lake. As we lounged by the lake, I was entertaining the boys and Kai with my new colour. I would dive into the lake and wait for the next Glass Bottom Tour, whereupon I would dart underneath the boat and out again, flinging myself back onto my towel and feigning innocence, as the tourists onboard exclaimed and panicked over what they had just seen. Kai was laughing so hard she was crying, and no longer making any noise. She reached over and pulled me to her, struggling for breath. "Oh, I love you, you mad girl!" she wheezed. I was so happy right then. I nuzzled her with my face and snub Koi nose, my whiskers tickling her face and warming her. Gasping, she squeezed me tightly. I could feel her smiling. I felt so loved right then.

     I blink. Kai is still staring at me. She is waiting for me to continue.

     "Because of you. Because of what you did to me. People message you saying how unusual I look, but that's not what I hear. People laugh at me, they call me names, they fear me because of what YOU DID TO ME!"

     Kai's mouth has fallen open in shock, she's gone white. My voice is rising as I finally get the chance to get all these horrible things off my chest for the first time.

     "YOU DIDN'T ASK ME! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME WHAT WAS HAPPENING! YOU JUST DID IT TO ME AND YOU AREN'T THE ONE WHO HAS TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES! WHENEVER I LOOK AT YOU, I DON'T SEE MY MUM, I SEE MY OWNER WHO SEES ME AS HER TOY, TO DO WITH WHAT SHE WANTS!"

     "Oh my love, I never wanted to put you through that! You look so beautiful-"

     "BEAUTIFUL? NO I DON'T! I LOOK DIFFERENT, I DON'T FIT IN ANYMORE! MY FRIENDS WON'T SPEAK TO ME, STRANGERS MOVE AWAY FROM ME, EVERYONE STARES AT ME!"

     Kai tries to speak again, but I cut her off. I can't stop screaming now.

     "I STAND OUT! NO ONE KNOWS WHAT I AM! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM! YOU DIDN'T THINK OF ME AT ALL WHEN YOU DID THIS TO ME, DID YOU? YOU HAVE RUINED MY LIFE AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!"

     Kai is crying now. But it feels like I'm breathing for the first time in weeks. It's like a band was loosened round my chest and it's just starting to ease now. I take a deep breath, and say my final, damning statement.

     "After the war is won, I'm done. You will take the boys back to Krawk Island, and I will go to the Pound and find another owner who will respect me, and ask my opinion before doing something like this to me. We are over."

     "Lorelai," she whispers, her fingers clasped to her chest. "Sweetheart please. You're my girl, my best girl, I couldn't stand it if you left. Please. Please don't go, I'll repaint you, I'll morph you, whatever you want. Please just don't leave us. Don't leave me. Please."

     The Snow of my paint job matches the snow on my heart. Or perhaps stone is more appropriate. I'm looking at the girl who should be the most important girl in the world. But I feel nothing.

     "No," I say simply, and leave.

     It's been several hours since I told Kai I was leaving. She hasn't stopped crying once. I haven't felt anything for her. I can't wait for tomorrow. I'll go to battle, and keep battling until the Brute Squad wins, and then the Pound. I feel a nasty smile curving across my face every time I remember I can't take the horrible Christmas Acara Hat and Jacket with me.

To be continued...