Villains' Favorite Heroes
Villains are mean, deceitful, and purely EVIL*. It takes a great hero, sometimes many, to take down a single villain. Heroes are courageous, charismatic, and fight for all that is good*. Villains and heroes; surely there can't be two groups who are any more opposite. But just because they're opposites and are constantly fighting each other doesn't mean they don't like each other... Well, actually it does, BUT that doesn't mean the villains and heroes who don't fight each other don't like each other! However, I felt it would be a bit awkward to ask heroes who their favorite villains are, so instead I asked the villains who their favorite heroes are... Now thinking about it, I think I have my logic mixed up a bit. But it all worked out in the end, so, going through who's available in the Gallery of Evil listing (don't ask how I got intact with some of them, they kind of don't like people giving that sort of information out), here are villains to talk about their favorite heroes:
*Not all villains may have the traits of being mean, deceitful, or purely EVIL. Likewise not all heroes may have the traits of being courageous, charismatic, and fight for all that is good. These were just broad terms to demonstrate how opposite the two are... like that even needed to be demonstrated...
"If I had to choose a hero who I say I respect, it would be Sir Jeran of Meridell. I too was once a knight, not of Meridell but of another kingdom which had collapsed decades ago and its people scattered. I know the difficulties of being a knight, sworn to protect yet having little life of your own. In fact, trying to have a bit more of my own life is what ironically resulted me of losing it. I wish good luck upon the Meridellian Lupe knight and for him to stay the course, for a knight without his duty is a knight without a life."
"HAHAHAHAHA! Why my most favorite hero has to be the Faerie Queen herself, Queen Fyora. She has SO many pretty and valuable items locked up in her tower. *frowns* Of course, she doesn't 'share' these items with me... *frown turns into a sinister smile* but Neopians who leave the tower are MORE than happy to! HAHAHAHAHA! So either way thanks for the toys, Queen Fyora, and by the way I'm still waiting on your response for my request for a tour of the tower like you gave to the Alien Aishas, HAHAHAHAHA!"
"Shhhhh, come closer, come closer; the walls have ears. I should know, some of those ears are mine, HA! So you want to know my favorite hero is, huh? Well, I hold no grudges against any hero; a grudge is the easiest way for you to get caught. So I'll pick King Coltzan III; after all, stealing his crown was one of my greatest thefts of all time, even if they did get it back. But as I said, I hold no grudges, there are always plenty more schemes to make up for a failure which I'm big enough to admit that is the fault of my lackies."
"Though I can sink into the shadows and crawl up walls, many Neopians don't know that I'm quite acrobatic. It's why I admire Hannah out of any of the other heroes; she's the most acrobatic and agile out of any of them I've heard about, even the ones who are thieves; though I suppose you could say she's a thief herself. I actually see a bit of myself in Hannah, honestly, even if we're on opposite ends of the morality scale. I would say we even think a bit alike, for example she's now having adventure on Kreludor and I wouldn't mind going there myself; in space all you can see is the darkness, and I am nothing but a mere shadow who wishes to blend into the darkness..."
"What's that? Favorite hero? HISSSSS, hard to sssay, but for now I'll sssay it's SSSergeant Brexis. Don't know exactly why, but my insectoid transformation just draws me toward more insectoid ssspecies like Buzz and Ruki. I actually fought with SSSergeant Brexis a few times, and when he out of any other Defenders of Neopia gets caught in my web and ssstarts ssstruggling I'm just filled with excitement... and hunger. He always escapes and goes on to defeat me, of course; however, I'm always anticipating my next battle with him and eagerly wait to when I can catch him in my web. HISSSSS..."
"BLOOP? I don't know many heroes besides the members of the Defenders of Neopia. The Defenders and I play all the time, my favorite being Dr. Flexo. We're both Chias, we're both blue, and we both can bounce around and stretch! BOING! We can play the same games like morphing into a ball and bounce against things until they break or stretch around people and pull away to spin them real fast. At first I thought he didn't like those games, but as soon as I start he follows me so I think he's just shy. We even battle after we're done playing and he likes that, especially when he wins and everyone cheers for him. SQUISH. I like the playing part more, but I battle him since he likes it and I think we're friends and friends do what friends like. Unless, of course, the thing the friend likes to do is eat other friends; friends don't eat friends. FRIENDS DON'T EAT FRIENDS!"
"YEAHAHAHA! The only favorite heroes I have are ones which I have DEVOURED!... which is to say none. But I am quite jealous of Sabre-X so I'll pick him. Sabre-X is SO lucky, he gets to guard a gooey, sticky, edible, giant omelette all day and fight off anyone who tries to take some! I wouldn't mind doing his job for a day, I'd even make a new omelette: SNOT OMELETTE! HeheheHAHAHA! Oh who am I kidding? I'd eat ALL the omelettes and take a bite out of anyone who complains about it. May not make Sabre-X proud, but it'll make my belly bloated and round! HooHAHA!"
"My 'favorite' hero? Well, that's simple, *sinister smile* it's Captain K. After all, what is a great villain without his arch nemesis? I and Captain K have played a long game of Kadoatie and Yullie, I always the Kadoatie and he the lowly and pathetic Yullie. But don't think that means I'll show him mercy, NO, quite the opposite! One day I will capture him, but I will not destroy him right there, instead that will be when my Master returns and we start our takeover of Neopia. I will force him to watch his comrades fall and once his spirit is broken and he's asking me to end his suffering, I will. *cracks knuckles* I WILL!"
"Why, my favorite hero is none other than Xandra, FINALLY a hero who realizes just how EVIL the Faeries really are. *Balthazar is told that Xandra is a villain* BAH! So she tried to take over the world; every hero has their faults. *growls* Fine, fine, if I had to pick a goody two-shoes hero I guess I'll go with Judge Hog. Honestly I'd pick any of the Defenders of Neopia, really, since they show a Neopian can just be as powerful as a Faerie thus we don't need them! Think about, REALLY think about it. The Defenders of Neopia have all sorts of powers which Faeries gloat about having yet they're ready to send one of their agents across the globe whenever trouble happens. Meanwhile the 'ALL SO POWERFUL' Faeries just laze about either admiring the ugliness they mistake as their beauty or moaning how their city is now on the ground where everyone else is so they can't look down on us! Neopians who actually use their powers to save the day or Faeries who use their power as an excuse to act superior, who would you pick?"
Count Von Roo
"You'd probably think as a creature of the night it would be hard for me to have a favorite hero, but as it turns out I have an easy pick as he's actually a fan of mine! Yes, the hero known as Boris, or as he likes to call himself 'Count Boris', though I doubt the boy is a noble of any kind. The boy's lineage aside, I can't argue with his choice of role model, he truly knows who the true dark master is. Unlike Hubrid Nox who was just a sorcerer who used necromancy to control his undead minions, I AM a member of the undead and it's my OWN WILL POWER which has my undead minions obey me! But enough about how much greater I am to Nox, who by the way is now a depowered ghost while my power has only grown since then. I may decide to visit Boris one day after he grown up a little and becomes stronger. I may be immortal, but accidents happen, so it never hurts to have a possible heir on standby... I'm sure he wouldn't mind becoming an official count."
(Ghost of) Hubrid Nox
"Ah, heroes, what a lovely group of peons to play around with; do you believe they thought when they went up against me they had a chance of winning? MUAWAWAWAWAWA! Who did they think they were facing, Count Von Roo? *poorly hiding he heard what Count Von Roo said about him* But to the matter at hand, for my favorite hero I have to pick my ex-general, MAGAX. I know his reputation of being a 'hero' or 'villain' is much a matter of debate; however, he is hopelessly trying to redeem himself so I think it counts, though I doubt the Faeries see it that way. Of course my most favorite thing about him is that, even though he has sworn vengeance against me, upon my demise I've seen him paying respects to my grave. He hates me for making him do what he did but even after my death he's still shackled to me for all eternity, it's just so FUNNY! I doubt Count Von Roo would have a proud warrior weeping at his grave; instead he just has a fanboy! But what did I expect? I'm a warlock supreme who had more power in his non-existent pinky than Count Von Roo has in his entire body. But now my power level is just above his, it PAINS me to know I've sunk so low. Oh, but I have a plan, and it involves my favorite hero helping me, shall we say, come back STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE! MUAWAWAWAWAWA!"
"Favorite hero? *grabs my shirt collar* Who told you I have a crush on Hanso?! *starts angry shaking my shirt collar* WHO TOLD YOU?! *I explain what article is about* OH! *lets go of my shirt collar* Hehe, sorry, let's just, ignore what I just said. *angrily stares* GOT IT?! *agrees to have never heard her say anything about a charismatic Ixi thief... but that doesn't include having written it down* GOOD! So, favorite hero? You're really asking villains that? And you're STILL alive? Fine, whatever, well my favorite hero DEFINIELTY isn't Hanso before you ask *looks wistfully down to the floor and blushes* unless Hanso wanted it to be. *realizes what she's doing and gives back a cold glare* Um, right, so I guess I'll go with Nightsteed. He's pretty cool, I guess. Or Bruno, he and Nightsteed don't let their looks judge them... of course it's not yourself who judges you but other people. What are you still doing here? I gave you my answer, LEAVE! HISS!"
"*sighs* I wish they would remove me from the Gallery of Evil, I have long since redeemed my vengeful ways yet I am still looked upon as a demon. However, though I'm in the Gallery of Evil I'm proud to say that my most loyal subordinates have earned their rightful place in the Gallery of Heroes. I apologize if I'm bending the rules a bit, but I simply cannot choose one of my subordinates over the other. For my favorite heroes I'm picking Galgarroth and Master Vex. I could not have a better general and prison warden working by my side, and their heroic efforts have shined through when they were fighting for the Citadel and its people, defeating me when I went mad with power, and refusing to take orders from Kass at the risk of their own lives. I can only wish that one day I could join them in the Book of Heroes, but that's for Neopia to decide."
The Tax Beast
"SNARL! The Tax Beast favorite hero is King Skarl. He has accumulated so much money from just his Marrow Tax alone, it makes the Tax Beast feel a bit jealous. GRRR. The Tax Beast is very proficient in all tax laws and mathematics which the Tax Beast has used over the years to become the richest Neopian on the planet. But King Skarl's Marrow Tax baffles the Tax Beast as nowhere in the Tax Beast's financial books does it mention an existence of the Marrow Tax. HISS! THE TAX BEAST WISHES THE TAX BEAST COULD MAKE UP A TAX AND GET AWAY WITH IT! MUAWAWA! For now the Tax Beast will stick to legitimate taxes and maybe one day make up a tax like the Tax Beast's favorite hero. Oh, before you leave, GIVE THE TAX BEAST 10% OF YOUR NP!"
(For those wondering, at the time I was carrying 50 NP which a random Slorg gave to me, so he only got 5 NP but he seemed pretty happy about it, laughing maniacally as he leaped away.)
"Favorite hero? Well, sweety, being our goals were noble you wouldn't object to me picking Rasala, now would you? EXCELLENT! What, oh don't mind this doll and needle in my hand. Huh, you say the doll looks like you? Let's just say that as long as you agree with what I say that's nothing to think about. Right, back to Rasala, I'll admit I was a bit unsure of her skills and disagreed with making her the new leader of the Order of the Red Erisim, especially after she was one of the few who wanted to DENY ME SANCTUARY after the second Meridell-Darigan war, but she was young and impulsive back then and the elder members made the wise choice to give me a second chance. And now here we are, Rasala has proven herself to be quite the capable leader and me offering my services to her. I was both Lord Darigan's and Lord Kass's chief magic expert and did quite a number on Meridell during my services to them, and I do quite agree that there's nothing a fireball can't solve."
The Court Dancer
"HISS! What do YOU want?... What!? Neopian Times! Give me a few seconds; MOTHER! *runs to Morguss*
"There, much better. Don't you agree you'd rather talk to this pretty face? I knew you would. Now what do you want to ask me about? Who is my favorite hero? What an odd question, though I guess it fits with my odd answer. I love to dance, it's all I ever wanted to do since I was a young girl, and one of my inspirations is Altador's Sasha, The Dancer! Her dancing alone brought happiness to a village whose festival was destroyed by a storm which made her a member of a ruling council. Meanwhile I need a potion to have anyone even look at me and need to hide in sanctuary because my mother *turns to the door leading to the room where Morguss is and starts yelling angrily* JUST HAD TO USE ME FOR HER EVIL SCHEMES, BECOMING TRAITORS TO OUR HOME WORLD, AND IS NOW TRYING TO KISS UP TO THE NEW LEADER OF THE ORDER EVEN THOUGH RASALA SEES HER FOR THE HAG WITCH SHE IS! *The Court Dancer composes herself and turns back to me with a sweet smile* But, I suppose you have to deal with the cards dealt to you. And maybe one day my dancing could elevate me from my current condition. It did for Sasha, so why not me?"
"Asking a villain who their 'favorite hero' is; you're either very brave or VERY stupid. I don't suppose if I say Kanrik or Hannah it'll get me close to them? I thought not, pity, the poisons I picked out for them are starting to lose their potency. I guess I see no harm answering truthfully, it's not like it's going to change anyone's view of me. I always like more gullible people, how eager they are to part with their belongings just for some praise, either genuine or especially fake. It's why whenever I hear about the Soup Faerie it puts a smile on my face; she's a nice reminder there's always someone who's willing to work hard to give away their possessions for free, even if that person hasn't realized it yet. I guess in some way the Money Tree counts too, but it's a charitable act and it's not really doing any of the work by having the people come to it; which in its own way I guess is quite impressive. Trick a hard working fool out of their riches or sit around and have them come and give it to you, which would you rather do?"
"Favorite. Hero. Favorite hero. No, no matter how I say it I can't figure out if you're joking or are seriously asking me, the MISTRESS OF DARK MAGIC, who my 'favorite hero' is? This, this is just too funny. Against my better judgment, I'm going to assume you aren't joking; I've already cleaned the floor of ashes and dust from a recent quester who couldn't 'acquire' a rather important item I needed. So, who in Neopia don't I hate with a seething passion which could be considered 'good'. Hmm, this is a hard one; can't think of a Neopet so maybe one of my sisters? Oh, I know, I'll go with my sister Taelia. Contrary to popular belief, I don't dislike her because she also gives out quests. She's wise enough to have her quests be different, though still inferior, to mine... unlike ILLUSEN WHO PURPOSELY COPIED MY QUESTING METHOD TO COMPETE WITH ME, THUS BEING BOTH A KNOCK OFF AND GIVING INFERIOR PRIZES, what nerve! But back to Taelia, I'm actually a bit jealous how devious she it. In order to do one of her quests you need to climb a freezing mountain FOUR times: to ask for a quest, leave to get the items, come back to give her the items (or to tell her you failed), and leave with a prize or disappointed. And the best part is that she only has a few rare prizes worth getting; most of the time you get less than what you paid for! And yet she's looked upon as a hero. You know, I should make my bluff more challenging to venture, I give away great items far too easily. Yes, I should make my questers jump over spike pits and dodge fireballs if they want any of my grand prizes!"
"Since I was a young lad on Krawk Island, I was raised hearing the stories of great pirate captains, some of my favorites being of the now retired pirate master of the Swashbuckling Academy, Cap'n Threelegs. Unlike most captains who just gloat about tales of how great a captain they are, Cap'n Threelegs tells you stories from when he was just a simple swabbie to his last great voyage as a mighty sea captain, and everything else between. You see, he remembers that it's your past which makes who you are today and it'd be best to always remember that. Otherwise you'd be like a certain juvenile Usul with unobtainable visions of grander and not the most feared and respected captain with a mighty vessel who holds a portion of Neopia's seas in the palm of his paw."
"I'm a bit of a fan of Brucey B. I know all species and colors have stereotype problems, but when you're a Purple Bruce who's a fierce pirate, you feel it at full force. No amount of dirt and scars are going to cover I'm cute, chubby, and have adorable orange freckles. All Bruces have the problem of not being taken seriously, but that didn't stop Brucey B! Fate might have handed him a Lucky Coin to give him a head start, but he proved that us Bruce are not to be trifled with by DEFEATING DR. SLOTH. How many other Neopet species have that honor? The Cybunny and Grundo are the only other two that come to my mind, and they too are stereotypically looked at being cute. However, a Bruce was the first Neopet species to defeat Dr. Sloth and don't you forget it! Knowing a Bruce can be a great hero helps me know I can be just as great as a fearsome pirate, and anyone who disagrees will quickly find out why my most popular nickname is 'Benny the Blade'..."
"WHAT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M IN THE GALLERY OF EVIL?! Did no one notice I'm now a fair king of a bustling kingdom who had recently helped unpetrify the faeries!? Wait, what picture of me are you using? THAT'S NOT ME! Well, it is, but that was the OLD me when I was evil! This is what I look like now:"
"See? I'm wearing white, which means I'm good now! I redeemed myself just like Lord Darigan of Darigan Citadel... huh, he too is still in the Gallery of Evil? Well, that makes a bit more sense; he didn't redeem himself until the end of the second Meridell-Darigan war so they simply didn't update his entry, BUT I redeemed myself at the end of my plot! Oh, whatever; I'll bring it up with whoever's in charge of the Gallery of Evil AND the Gallery of Heroes, where I should rightfully be! Oh, right, you had a question. My favorite hero? *laughs* Why, who else could it be but my wife, Queen Nabile. She saw the true me even when I myself was hiding behind a persona to get Amira's hand in marriage. Everyone saw me as a monster and cowered when I even gave them a slight glance, but she not only sympathized and understood me and my people's suffering but also was not afraid to stand up and stop me from doing wrong and hurting others out of her own selflessness. She truly is my better half."
*Translated from an anagrammed speech*
"OH I'd have to pick the only Neopian to ever solve A SERIES OF MY ANAGRAMS: Sweet, adorable, cute, tough, smart, rASH, INSUFFERABLE, INFURIATING, MIND-BOGGLING, CURIOus, little Gilly. For hundreds of years I've spent locked up in my castle, making hundreds, NO, THOUSANDS OF INGENIUS ANAGRAMS! Yet, everyone before her was never able to solve more than a couple, if even one, and had to BE MADE TO DISAPPEAR! But then came Gilly, like a RAT out of the rain, who explored my entire castle, solving all anagrams thrown at her, and got my own weapons to BETRAY ME. But I don't HOLD IT AGAINST HER, in fact I thank her for opening my eyes to see what has been happening to Neopia these last few centuries. So many changes, so many new people, so many new words, and so many new opportunities tO CREATE ANAGRAMS AND FIND VICTIMS TO SUBJECT THEM TO! So thank you Gilly, thank YOU, THANK YOU, CURSE YOU, CURSE YOU! Sorry, slip of the sanity, please Gilly, let me make it up to you with an invitation to my castle; I got a whole new SERIES of anagrams for you to solve... or else, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AND that'll do it! Who would have thought we'd get such a variety of answers on such a touchy subject? Apologize goes out to any villains not part of the Gallery of Evil, but this article is already long and time to write it was short. So I'll like to remind everyone to stay vigilant, for with every good there is in Neopia, there is also evil just around the corner-AHHHHH! *gets attacked by a furious Vira*
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Gormos was a reasonably intelligent Kougra, but even he had to admit that he had no experience – and no idea where to start – building a brainwashing ray.