Where there's a Weewoo, there's a way Circulation: 192,151,462 Issue: 633 | 21st day of Awakening, Y16
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Welcome to Neopian Day Care!

by invalid


Have you ever bemoaned the fact that you can never leave your baby Neopets at the Neohome alone? That you must impose upon your older Neopets for infant care, even if you can barely trust them to remember their own pants before going outside in the cold? Or perhaps you pay exorbitant amounts of Neopoints for in-Neohome babysitting, with no guarantee that your Neopet's sitter even knows the meaning of the word. Once I came home to a rather literalist of a babysitter. My poor baby Aisha remained rather smushed for the next few weeks, but she was okay, I suppose.

But never fear! The past is in the past, and today dawns a brand new day where you will no longer feel crippled with concern over the state of your baby Neopet while you are away at work or school or Tyrannian archeological excavations or potentially disastrous Ice Caves mountaineering trips. Let all your worries go because now, you can turn away and close that door to your Neohome and without a single care in the world. Why, you ask? Because your baby Neopet will be safe in the hands of a trained baby Neopet specialist at the Neolodge's newest feature: Neopet Day Care!

Neopet Day Care is a revolutionary idea that allows you to bring in your Neopet at the beginning of the work day to a new part of the Neolodge that specializes in baby Neopet care and enjoyment. This is not school, this is not a full, pricey hotel stay. (We've found that owners of baby Neopets left alone in hotel rooms are not the happiest customers upon their return to pick up their Neopet. We have no idea why. Perhaps the evidence that their Neopets spent multiple days alone and crying in our single resident rooms was an issue?)

Instead, we propose a perfect solution: Instead of booking baby Neopets individually at the Neolodge, we now offer a group daycare program that will accommodate all baby Neopets in need of care between the hours of 8am and 6pm. The plan is foolproof: Instead of booking baby Neopets individually, where they will not receive proper attention and likely be absolutely miserable for the duration of their stay, we will admit all baby Neopets into our day care facilities.

At day care, baby Neopets will be warmly welcomed by trained staff: a professional baby Neopet handler. This Neopet will be mature and confident and extremely well versed in the developmental patterns of young Neopets, as well as trained in first-aid and the art of fun! We will have toys, games, books, plushies, snacks, drinks, and precious hours of playtime with other baby Neopets. And of course, they will always be supervised by our specialist!

The plan is flawless. If you are still concerned, let me walk you through a day in the life of your baby Neopet registered for our day care service:

1. You bring your baby Neopet of any species to the Day Care section of the Neolodge. Our facilities will be sparkling and pristine, with the utmost attention paid to the detailing of the finish on the pastel patterned walls, the fine upholstery of our couches and poufs, the impeccable woodwork of the cabinets and drawers full of toys and supplies. Here at Neopet Day Care, we want our customers to know we place the highest standard on the quality of the facilities used to house your precious Neopet! I am going to be your Neopet's caretaker today. Welcome!

2. Your baby Neopet immediately smiles at the bright faces of the new friends all around him or her. He or she is captivated by the thousands of toys and new things to play with!

3. Our trained professional greets you, reassures you, and sends you on your way to your busy day with a warm sense of safety that your darling baby is in good hands. Or, paws, as the case may sometimes be.

4. After you leave, you begin a carefree day doing whatever it is you do, while here at Neopet Day Care, we are having a blast!

5. First, we start with a brief rules session. At the beginning, the baby Neopets stare blankly while the adult Neopet explains that there is to be no hitting, biting, punching, kicking, jabbing, whacking, slapping, tail-whipping, clawing, or trampling, under any circumstances. By this point the babies are starting to wander off and explore the fast array of toys and entertaining new things around them, which is really all right since they probably got the gist anyway, so the supervisor lets them go and playtime begins.

6. At playtime, the baby Neopets naturally form groups of similar interests, and play amicably together. They are sharing plushies, looking at picture books, racing wagons. Sometimes they get into slight disagreements. An Acara starts to cry because a Skeith stole her favorite plushie. Oh, look, two Wockies are starting to tussle – but you know, that's normal, all Neopets play around, and they will soon get along!

7. Now a fight has broken out near the bookshelf. It's a rather heavy piece full of large tomes, because we want only the best education preparation for your young Neopets. The wood finish is near priceless; we can't be seen to skimp on – oh dear, those two Tuskaninny are rather determined to push it over, aren't they? Well aren't they just – oh, well, that will not take long to clean up. They're emerging from the pile of books without a – well, with barely a – scratch on them.

8. Okay, so it's lunchtime. Everyone gathers around the cafeteria trays we bring in, with the highest quality chef-prepared delicacies chock full of important nutrients for baby Neopets. One by one, we pass out the trays to a neatly formed line – no, no, you know better than to throw your food, young Xweetok! Little Lupe, no need to respond in kind, best to turn the other cheek! Food is meant to be eaten, not worn – well. They're having fun, and the food is so finely prepared that really, it DOES look excellent worn!

9. Lunch doesn't really end. Food plasters the walls and the carpet and the Neopets, but that's quite all right; I do believe they can absorb some nutrition from their fur, and they had ever so much fun! Now it's naptime. We settle the Neopets down into down-lined cots so they will feel as if they are snoozing on a cloud – please don't use your claws like that! No, no, the feathers are everywhere now, and stuck to the food – that's not your cot, young Ixi, that belongs to that Yurble over there – are you sneezing? YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO FEATHERS? You're a Uni, for goodness sake, you have WINGS! Quickly, get you to the Neohospital – no worries, everyone, go to sleep!

10. Oh dear. Now they begin to cry, because they're rather scared by all the fuss that the Uni's allergic reaction caused. More pillows are tossed and torn, and now the priceless plaster wall decorations resemble nothing more than fluffy white blobs. I suppose if you won't sleep, we can just play – PLAY, not run! Not throw the toys at each other! If you throw that again, it might hit - ! The glass vase of scented flowers Clear out, clear out – do you have a cut?! Quickly, another Neohospital run!

11. As soon as I turn my back, I hear a crash – but it can't be, they'd already knocked down the bookshelf and spilled the toy box and ripped open the priceless couches and broken the vase so what could they have left to break? Of course. OF COURSE. The shelf with the baby Pteris.

12. Fragile eggs come crashing down to floor, and with extreme dexterity I dart forward and catch every last one. Good thing I played all that Petpetsitter, I have extremely fast reflexes. It was a great way to learn how to take care of baby Neopets. What? You heard that? No, no, of course I've cared for baby Neopets, not just petpets! I have, um, lots of experience!

13. Well, the 6pm hour is approaching, and you return to, um, pick up your baby Neopet. I think he or she may be that one over there, right, under the dogpile of Aishas and Bruces? Yeah? Okay great, that one was a troublemaker – she's covered in food? Well, you're in charge of bathtime, not me!

14. She's crying? Well you know, Neopets are rambunctious – the place looks a disaster, you say? Nonsense, it's barely worse for the wear, the broken toys and paint and food on the walls is just décor. Very realistic décor.

15. All right, out you go, and before you leave, time to pay your fees That will be 1,000 Neopoints No? What do you mean, no? Come back here! You can't go around shouting that we're incompetent and unsafe! Noooo! Well, that's just one owner, there are still other baby Neopets here oh right, there are still other baby Neopets here HELP!

So there you have it! A day in the life at Neopian Day Care. Um, the plan still has a few kinks to work out I think we can make it happen, though It's hard to get around baby Neopets' explosive energy, but you know, with careful effort and supervision

Well, on second thought perhaps we should limit our Day Care to only a few Neopets or just one Or maybe

You know what, that's it. Baby Neopets are yours to take care of on your own – don't get them anywhere near the Neolodge, please!

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