Ten Tips to Enjoy Halloween in the Haunted Woods

1. To start with, the Brain Tree usually has lollipops (in his own image; how narcissistic!) on hand to give to little trick-or-treaters on Halloween, but be forewarned: Brain Tree Lollies are a bit slimy and may not be to everyone's taste. Unlike the real thing, however, they do not pulsate. This is a small comfort, as they do tend to shriek a bit as you eat them. It's best to bite into them directly and avoid making eye contact. If you are slightly pickier, I would suggest you save them for the Esophagor. More on that later…

2. If you enjoy feeling your heart thump out of your chest, I would suggest visiting the creepy Haunted House. You won't find any candy, but if this sort of thing if your cup of tea, you've come to the right place.

3. Avoid entering Eliv Thade's place, unless solving anagrams in a haunted castle is your idea of a good time. Not to mention the possibility of breaking your neck if you fall through the cracked tiles into the basement. Additionally, it's no secret that Eliv's gone insane over the years, so you might not even get rewarded for your efforts.

4. If you're looking for a place to toilet paper, on the other hand, the Castle of Eliv Thade is most certainly the way to go! As a mad spectre, Eliv Thade is unable to leave his home, so it is unlikely that you would have to deal with a furious homeowner. Furthermore, he's inordinately unsociable, meaning his neighbors aren't likely to be bothered with warning you off. As a side note, my personal lawyerbot informs me that I should note that I do not condone such vandalism.*

5. Although he may be difficult to understand, the Esophagor is actually a lovely conversationalist and a generous host—at least when he is satiated. If you are a fruit Chia, a Mallow Grundo, or anything of that nature, give him a wide berth. He has an unpleasant tendency to bite first and ask questions later. In fact, my Mallow Grundo is still recovering from his encounter with the Esophagor. Moreover, when he's feeling ravenous, he isn't particularly picky. For that reason, I recommend that you visit him after you've already done some trick-or-treating, just in case he needs to be fed.

6. Despite the fact that she is stingy with her avatar, Edna the Witch is actually rather affable, if you're on her good side. When she's done brewing her potions and casting her spells, visit the Witch's Tower for some sweet treats! But do yourself a favor; do NOT, under any circumstances, beg for her Edna – Cackle avatar while you are there. She has to deal with Neopians pestering her for this elusive avatar almost constantly. If you fail to heed my advice, you may find yourself dodging cauldrons and Sun Dried Techo Claws as you scramble for the exit. Believe me, I learned about her issues with anger management the hard way.

7. As you meander further into the woods, you'll reach the Haunted Faire. Give Apple Bobbing Bart a visit! He might not have any caramel apples, but you might find Apple Bobbing Bart Bark or any number of delicious treats! And he's much less touchy about his avatar than Edna is. In fact, if he's in a good mood, you might be able to bribe him with about forty Imposter Apples. ;) But speaking of apples, remember that an apple a day keeps the doctor away! Unless it's rotten. Check if it's rotten first; believe it or not, it wouldn't be the first time someone's found a Rotten Apple in there. Or worse, a Rotten WORMY Apple. How utterly unappetizing.

8. While in the Haunted Faire, you might be tempted to approach the Wheel of Misfortune, in the hopes of receiving a treat. Now, the Gelert who runs the Wheel might seem rather menacing and intimidating, but in my experience, he has a soft spot for young Gelerts wearing adorable little costumes. If you are not of the Gelert persuasion, I advise you to proceed with caution.

9. Following the Haunted Faire, you may wish to continue your trek by venturing into the Deserted Fairground. I highly recommend this, as contrary to popular belief, it is not as deserted as one might think. On Halloween, especially, the fairground is full of merriment and joy, with pets frolicking, gorging themselves on Disgruntled Candy Corn** and delighting in the fun (albeit, rigged) games. Be that as it may, legend has it that you don't leave the fairground before midnight on Halloween night, you will be in grave danger. It is imperative that you do not lose track of time; when those gates close, you do not want to be on the wrong side.

10. On a lighter note, both Arnold (of the Test Your Strength game) and Sidney (of the Scratchcard Kiosk) are surprisingly generous with their treats. However, Harker (of the Bagatelle stand) and Leeroy (of the Coconut Shy stand) might not be worth bothering with; the choice is yours. Harker likes to tell trick-or-treaters that he's all out of candy, but I swear I've seen him sneaking Candy Peas when he thought nobody was watching. If you're fast, you might be able to make off with some of his candy. Not that I condone stealing at all. Leeroy just has an annoying laugh; I avoid him whenever possible.

I think I've covered most of what you need to know this holiday! I hope that with these tips, you will be able to have a wonderful, safe Halloween in the Haunted Woods. See you there! And remember, sharing is caring! (aka I love candy so much that all my teeth are sweet. Seriously, cavities galore.)

*Disclaimer: The author is not responsible for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to have been caused by this article. Particularly if any authorities catch you tp-ing a castle.

**Just kidding! Nobody eats candy corn.