Sniff That! 9 Scents You DON'T Want To Wear

A smell. A whiff. An odour. We all have our own favourite perfume scents, somewhat unique and personal to each of us. It could be that it helps you feel at your glamorous best. Or maybe certain floral notes take you back to your childhood. Either way, you can't beat the pong of a great eau de toilette! But not all are created equal! For every delicious fragrance, there is at least one other that is disgusting in smell. With this article, I am hoping to help steer you AWAY from such aromas, to BANISH those offensive colognes, and to STOP you making stinky mistakes. So here is an essential list of seven perfumes that you definitely want to avoid!

We start will the rather eloquent sounding Eau de Esophagor. Don't let the name fool you at all; there's nothing upmarket about this spray! Originally sold on special from the Deserted Fairground, that should trigger alarm bells before you've even uncorked the bottle. Housed within a smiling and friendly looking effigy of the infamous Esophagor, don't for a second think this perfume smells remotely aromatic. As per the item description: *clears throat* 'Contains hints of refuse, muck, and bile!' You have been warned!

Onto another eye-watering whiff. Now, I don't want to cause offence to any Skunk-painted Neopets that may be taking a gander at this snazzy article, but this name sake fragrance really is stomach turning. Eau De Skunk is known to have a rather complex formula; apparently combining elements of garlic, rubber tyres and month old cracked eggs, it is one definitely best left ON the shelf. Skunk pets aside (for most are used to the smell, some may even like it *gag*), I have to say I would never think of recommending this punchy pungent to anyone.

Epitomising the word dodgy, here we have the aptly named Suspicious Perfume. Awarded as a "fantastic" prize for beating a release day score during Daily Dare in year 14, worries may first be aroused by taking a look at the actual bottle... is that a... is that a picture of a cockroach?! EW, are you sure you want to wear this?? After cautiously taking the top off the bottle, I stuck my nose just close enough to pick up slight hints of musk, oak and something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Luck of the draw, I guess, with this one!

Plushie pets. Ever feel like there is something missing from your daily ensemble? Perhaps you are not conveying the right scent, and letting people know just how plush and cuddly you are. Presenting - Eau De Plushie! Let those closest to you breathe in the great odour of Plushie. Combining the striking whiffs of inner stuffing and sewing machine oil, it is a must for all you soft pets. It also comes in a delightfully kitsch bottle, perfect for any dresser table shelf.

Next, one that you'll either love or, like me, hate. Eau de Fish Negg: the lovely bottle looks like a Fish Negg, and the stuff inside smells like one too! Depending on your level of fondness for such a food (any Meercas reading this take note!), you can either be bowled over by the sweet, fishy, Neggy scent. Or alternatively, your eyes will water, your nose will burn, and you'll be left stumbling about in a fragrant haze; unable to even think for a couple of minutes. *shudder*

Here we have something with an air of mystery about it. The Spooky Skull Perfume, at first glance, does look rather menacing. What sort of noxious scent could be hidden within this spooky bottle? That is the question posed within this items description. Well, I am here to let you know just what sort of smell IS hidden inside the sinister bottle. Conjuring up an image of the Haunted Woods, I notice a not-so-bad bouquet of old roses, graveyard earthiness and perhaps a Crunchy Snotball or two. One for those with a broader nose palate methinks!

Now, you maybe baffled as to why something usually so delicious has made it onto a most unwanted list. Allow me to explain myself before you mail those angry letters! With the aptly name Chocolate Perfume, what you see... err, smell... is what you get. According to nervous sources, you will end up smelling so much like chocolate, even your friends will want to devour you. Who wants to be eaten whole, especially by their friends?! I strongly advise you against purchasing this tasty fragrance, unless maybe you are the type that never leaves your home cave; in which case go ahead - it'll make your place smell soooooo yummy you'll want to eat the walls!

Again, I seem to be running the risk of maybe alienating yet another whole pet genre here. The very prettily bottled Ghostly Bori Perfume may look pleasing to the eye, but be prepared once you spritz from that bottle. A quick look at the description tag reads 'A ghostly bottle coupled with a ghostly scent'. This may sound harmless enough, but ask yourself... what do ghosts actually smell like? Depending on the era they came from, let me tell you that most spectres don't smell too charming! Imagine if you will, decade old clothing coupled with old person aroma and you're nearly there.

Perhaps saving the most noxious scent for last, let me introduce you to Eau de Mort. The mere fact it comes in an ominous looking skull shaped bottle, and with it being the colour of stagnant swamp water, these things are warning signs if ever I saw them. Plus, the word Mort literally translates to *gulp* death! If you DO fancy taking a chance (and sorry, folks, but I did not), then be prepared to lose at least your eyebrows. If any pet reading this is brave enough (or already dead maybe... Zombie pets, I'm looking at you!) then please don't hesitate to write to me with your stinky results!

And that concludes this handy heads up list for when next a perfume buying situation arises. I have no doubt that this piece of writing has the power to keep anyone from making potentially disastrous mistakes the next time they have to shop around for a fragrant gift. It also serves as a warning of which scents to avoid, and which ones to demand the receipt for should you receive a present from Grandma any time soon. Thanks for reading - and remember to mind those noses, people!