The (Un)Official Guide on How to be a Sidekick
Meridell - The hero hotspot. Most heroes and villains set up residence there.
They protect or attack anything that gets in their way. What we usually don’t
realize is their faithful sidekick. I’ve been wondering for a long time “how does
one become a sidekick? Is there some sidekick pick and mix box?” Naturally, I
answered my questions. It turns out there is no sidekick pick and mix box, and
to become a sidekick, you must endure an elite testing process to see if you qualify.
I have written the process out for both sidekicks (good) and toadies (bad). Read
on to see if you qualify.
Cool name for Sidekicks
First of all, you need a cool name. It can’t be something ridiculous like “Danner”
for instance. That’s too cliché, and it leaves hints that the sidekicks real
name is Daniel, or Danny. Try something like “The One Two Three to the One One
Five” “Contradict-o-boy” or “Meh”. Try to avoid having the suffix “Darigan”
on your name, since it may lead to suspicion that you are evil.
Cool name for Toadies
These ones are sort of hard to come up with. “Little Timmy” wouldn’t exactly
work. You have to choose either a bizarre, crazy name, such as “Doctor Delirium”
or you have to use your last name, like “Slorgerton” Most of those are pretty
bad, so I would strongly suggest using a weird, made-up language.
Signature weapon for Sidekicks
A shiny sword or an all-powerful club isn’t the best thing, since that’s normally
what the heroes use. You definitely need an out-of-the-ordinary weapon A Crossbow,
Everlasting something (Get everlasting projectiles e.g. Baggus Bombs, not Everlasting
Apples) or a charm of some kind.
Signature weapons for Toadies
An evil charm works here. If you are planning for a weapon, make sure that
it is nothing too gallant, like a protagonist would use. Something sharp could
work, just be careful with it. The best thing would be a strangely-named weapon
like “Nox’s Titanium Herb of Sheer, Imminent DOOM!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!” would be
good, but it something uncontrollable like an Evil Clockwork Grundo might end
up being better in the long run.
Costume for Sidekicks
Two things work really well. Either something vermilion, or something so shiny,
it will blind your opponents. You generally want it to have boots and gloves,
since it adds to the mysteriousness. It should have a super-cool symbol representing
you, like a smiley face, on the front and the cape, if you have one. A mask
would do well, too, since it will disguise your secret identity. Your costume
should be made out of something incredibly soft, because you will have to do
a LOT of moving. Also, be mindful of your location. If you are going to be like
Armin on Terror Mountain, a T-shirt and summer pants wouldn’t be the best thing.
Costume for Toadies
You need something Jet Black, Gunmetal, Navy, or a tattered tuxedo. These usually
work because it adds to your mysterious aura. Again, be focused on the location,
like in the above paragraph. The Haunted Woods may be the evil hotspot, but
if you dress for Mystery Island you’ll be one unhappy camper.
Hidden Power Source for Sidekicks
This is the fun part. You can combine this with your weapon by getting it blessed
by Fyora, Taelia, The Rainbow Fountain Faerie, whoever you think is worthy.
A regular crossbow can instantaneously become a “Regular Crossbow of the Tooth
Faerie” or “Super U-bend Shovel-plus of the (fictitious) Dung Faerie”. Wouldn’t
it be the greatest? It doesn’t have to be blessed, though. The alternative way
is to steal it from a friend or a retired lost desert battler. Imagine, being
the only one in Neopia to own an “Engraved Short Sword of SuPeR_DuDe_KoOlIo_gUy128953216!”
Hidden Power Source for Toadies
Try to steal it from an evil overlord, so you have
1. A cool weapon
2. A spiffy power source
3. Something to brag about.
Steal it from a famous villain, such as Galem, Masila, Kanrik, Valin, or the
Bringer of Night. If you don’t like their weapons, you could always “borrow”
a priceless artifact from Darigan. Just make sure whatever you steal, it’s the
right thing. Don’t take a “Prom Date Usuki Doll” when you could have a “Nox’s
Titanium Herb of Sheer, Imminent DOOM!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!” If you don’t like the
fact of stealing from a colleague, try to have a regular weapon blessed by a
Catchy Phrase for Sidekicks
There is really no secret to this, because you either need a good imagination
or a friend who has a spare one. Or you can try to take a quote from a “Neoquest
II” character and twisting it so it works for you. Here are some examples:
• Justice prevails again! Becomes I prevail again!
• The next time something bites me, I’m going to set it on fire Becomes The
next time I bite something, I’m going to have it cooked well done first!
• Our enemies fall before us! Becomes my enemies fall before us…er, me.
Catchy Phrase for Toadies
There is also no secret to this. You just need to cackle way too much during
the chosen phrase. By the way, evil catch phrases are more fun to manipulate
than the good side phrases. Some good examples are:
• Wait! I have a special mission for you Becomes Wait! Wait a minute…don’t
wait! I don’t have a special mission for you!
• And if you believe that, you’re as stupid as that fat king. Becomes And if
you believe that, you’re almost as stupid as my arch nemesis, Contradict-o-boy.
• RRAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!! Becomes RRAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!
Finding your perfect Hero to work beside
The sure-fire way is to get caught in the middle of a war, and scream for help.
However, if there is no war going on, there is an alternative way.
Write up an ad for the Neopian Times, change it to a coded language, and inconspicuously
hide it in an innocent-looking comic. The ad should say something like this
“Hero with no sidekick wanted! Meet so-and-so on the corner of such-and-such
lane and something-or-rather road. Don’t let it lead to your Neohome, since
a villain may find where you live, and hold you hostage.
Pick the right hero, too. It is actually more important than you think it is.
If you are a high-tech sidekick, having a hero who is a knight doesn’t work
out too well. Try to pick a hero that:
• He/she/it has a matching costume
• He/she/it knows some bogus ways to get around Neopia via underground tunnels
• He/she/it doesn’t have an annoying catch phrase.
If you followed all of the above steps, you should be all set to save Neopia.
Finding your perfect Villain to work beside
This may be a tad more difficult than if you were a sidekick, since screaming
in the middle of a battle won’t help you find your evil master. You have to
“accidentally” stumble upon the manor of the villain you wish to join forces
with. Make sure he doesn’t already have an advocate better than you, or else
you could find yourself being hung by your toes in the villain’s dungeon.
You need to be right for your “master”, too. Don’t interrupt him when he’s
talking, and don’t give him good ideas unless he needs them. You’ll either get
yelled at, or, if you’re dispensable, locked in the smelliest cell in his dungeon.
Ways to determine if you’ve found the best overlord are:
• The villain is already attempting to take over Neopia
• Your master is grotesque or evil looking
• He/she/it owns a giant castle, preferably floating.
• He/she/it DOESN’T have a psycho Mynci warden who challenges prisoners to
a friendly board game.
So that’s pretty much it. If you do everything above, you’ll be the best sidekick
or Toady on the block. Who knows? Maybe your hero or villain will retire, and
you’ll get to take their place. Don’t be surprised if someone suddenly points
to the sky and exclaims “Is it a Pteri? Is it dung? It’s Meh!”