The Neopian Exaggerator: Jeran Caught in Chocolate Heist!
MERIDELL - “We tarnish reputations just for you!”
In your two hands, you are holding the most useful item you will ever possess
in your entire life. The following article contains some of the most helpful
and absolutely true facts about countless Neopian celebrities that will be of
use for all eternity.
-End false advertising transcript-
This week, the dedicated team of one, has worked hard to bring you some of
the latest gossip on one of the most influential Neopians and discovered some
startling facts. Who is this Neopet and what did they do? The Neopian is Jeran
and we have just heard that he was seen in a forest near Brightvale illegally
smuggling chocolate with a pack of suspicious Neopets! These facts have startled
us here; why would such a gallant hero- with many rabid fans- turn to crime
and addiction to chocolate? Only Jeran knows for sure. Let us take a moment
to reflect on the life of the hero before this tragic event.
The first bit of information we have is looking into the mind of a little
girl. This girl is Lisha and she sees herself and Jeran playing some form of
Kacheek Seek. He trips on a tree root and is instantly transported to Meridell.
After a year or two Lisha looks at an old painting in a museum and suddenly
remembers she had a brother. Lisha walks across some bridge and is transported
to the medieval land where Jeran lives- Meridell. When Jeran sees Lisha, he
shows no emotion when he remembers his sister he had forgotten for so many years.
He fights some in the first Meridell war, but plays a much larger part in the
second. The beginning shows him really happy to be with his sister he forgot
about before. After several events not involving Jeran happen, Jeran is the
main Meridell battler and comes up with a plan to try to trick the opposing
side with a sneak attack; but the media watches him fall almost to his doom
in bravery. But thankfully Jeran is still here today. After that traumatizing
event, one would think he would treat every moment preciously and never do anything
that might harm him or get him in trouble with the law. But this does not seem
to be the case. We believe he had just started this chocolate heist very recently
(because we would have found out earlier because we are so awesome)*. No one
knows what actions will be taken, how long he will continue doing this, or if
I have matching socks.
With all the fame, fortune, and rabid fans it seems alarming to many why Jeran
will travel down the spooky evil-filled road of stealing, addictions, and chocolate
stains. To prove he actually did this, we have found some excellent alleged
eyewitnesses to recount what they saw (we did not use blackmail or break any
laws!)*. First, is an alleged eyewitness who saw Jeran and the other Neopets
in the forest. Her name is Morgana Fata and she is a Ghost Cybunny.
The Neopian Exaggerator: (whispering) remember… you better have memorized
that script! (Normal voice) So tell us, exactly what did you see, Morgana.
Morgana: Umm I was walking my Warf on the far northwest outskirts of
Brightvale and my Warf charged ahead in the forest and begin chewing on leaves
on the nearby bushes.
The Neopian Exaggerator: Then what happened?
Morgana: Well, we were hidden behind a tree and I spotted Jeran with
a pack of two strangely dressed Lupes and a Grarrl, all around a large wheelbarrow
filled with bars of chocolate. But that wasn’t all; I saw the only dark blue
colored Lupe I know of… Jeran. He was not acting like his usual self.
The Neopian Exaggerator: How was that so?
Morgana: Well, he was prancing around acting like he owned the world
and was abusing his power of having a reputation and friends in high places.
The more vicious looking Lupes and the Grarrl seemed to do almost whatever he
wanted! (whispering) Like a certain newspaper article series…
The Neopian Exaggerator: What was that last part?
Morgana: Umm, nothing?
The Neopian Exaggerator: *sigh* What did Jeran say to them?
Morgana: Well I think he said something like this “You two Lupes, bring
this chocolate to my house… and cover it with these leaves” And for the Grarrl,
scare all of those annoying fans away from my house… I never get any privacy…
also keep away the intrusive media who watched me fall rather than save me.”
The cronies looked apprehensive as far as I could tell, but Jeran continued;
“You must not know who I am, I have influence on the King of Meridell and hired
you bottom feeders to do my bidding. I am Jeran, and if you n00bs don’t obey
me, I will send you, your friends, and families directly to the dungeons!”
The Neopian Exaggerator: Thank-you for your shock account of these events!
(whispers) Now get out of my sight.
Anyway, we have another witness. She was someone at Jeran’s house who provides
us later evidence that this chocolate heist really took place. The girl goes
by Jerana and she is a blue Lupe.
The Neopian Exaggerator: So, what did you discover about Jeran
Jerana: I was, like, standing outside his beautiful neohome looking
into this huge window and I saw Jeran! But he was, like, gobbling down chocolate
really fast… and his fur was dirty from the chocolate! I also found out more
information, unfortunately I didn’t get to see Jeran!
The Neopian Exaggerator: What else did you find out?
Jerana: After seeing the wonderful Jeran, I dug through his garbage
can outside and found, like, a million chocolate wrappers! Jeran and I both
like chocolate and we’re both blue Lupes, and he’s soo cool! After I dug through
his garbage some huge, ugly, mean Grarrl took me away! I haven’t seen Jeran
The Neopian Exaggerator: So you are not upset with the fact that this
chocolate was illegally smuggled?
Jerana: What!? Jeran would never do such a thing! If this is true I’m
never going by my nickname ever again! *Sobs* Jeran… why!? Why would you do
something this low! I looked up to you so much! Now my life is like a shattered
glass rose- once so wonderful, now so worthless- without the old you, the real
The Neopian Exaggerator: Umm thank-you for that emotional ending and
the information- it makes us seem so much more awesome!
This (absolutely true)* story has affected many people. We tried to talk to
Jeran, but he sent someone saying that he declined. We’re assuming that he is
guilty and does not want to show how this chocolate stealing affected him…not
that he’s disgusted with a false article on him. Stealing, a lot of chocolate,
and stealing a lot of chocolate can make even the greatest heroes turn vicious.
Our best guess from this is he has access and power to obtain whatever he wanted,
but unfortunately turned down the vicious road of chocolate smuggling. There
are lessons to be learned from this. One of those lessons is to beware of Neopians
with large amounts of power- many will abuse that power- wait a second… We mean,
stay away from smuggling chocolate! In closing, The Neopian Exaggerator is here
for you for all of your celebrity gossip needs. Remember our motto,
“We tarnish reputations just for you!”
*Anything in parentheses is (not) false
Disclaimer: Several portions of this article have been changed, omitted
or completely made up- including this sentence.
A note from puppeteer behind the Neopian Exaggerator: This article was meant
to be funny and slightly satirical and I hold nothing against Jeran fans or
think that Jeran really was in a chocolate smuggling heist… but you never know!