Doctor Sloth Vs. Evil Fuzzles
Have you ever wondered who the fairest person in Neopia is, well then you have come to the WRONG place. This article will focus on who has a better chance of beating each other in a duel, Dr. Frank Sloth or the various evil fuzzles around Neopia. Below is a list of 50 characteristics that proves Sloth is better than evil fuzzles or vice versa.
Reasons Why Sloth Would Win
1. Dr. Sloth has a double PhD in horribleness.
2. He is in the gallery of evil (unlike the evil fuzzles).
3. He has an army of Grundos.
4. His cape is awesome.
5. He is really really really REALLY old, thus he is experienced.
6. Sloth is rich from the shops on Kreludor and Virtupets that Neopians waste their neopoints on.
7. Since he is rich, he can buy anything he wants.
8. He created a Spider Grundo.
9. He turned a bunch of neopets into mutants by giving out transmogrification potions.
10. He has a pink Kadoatie that he deemed worthy of being named Sloth, but is so cruel he even put it in the Kadoatery, no matter how much he loved it. * chuckle *
11. * Author gets zapped by Sloth * ...MUHAHAHAHA! I will now finish this article!
12. What? Why are you looking at me like that?!? She laughed at me!
13. *Sloth zaps readers*
14. I, Dr. Frank Sloth have an evil mining cooperation- that you didn't just hear about.
15. The Space Faerie cannot defeat the guard at this "mining cooperation."
16. I am GLORIOUS!
17. Of course I would beat those pitiful plushies.
18. Pitiful Neopians.
19. I brought terror many in my fake attempt to rule Neopia, the Neopians barely beat me.
20. Thus, on my real attempt I would win.
21. I have the power to take over the editorial and answer the questions in maniacal a fashion!
22. In this way I can convince the confused part of Neopia to be my slaves! * snicker *
23. What do you mean you don't believe me? I've done it before!
24. How did you ask me that question? I thought I vaporized you! * readers are zapped again*
25. I have the best maniacal laugh in Neopia!
27. I infiltrated the faeries and gallery of heroes by becoming the happiness faerie!
28. * erases your memory of the last sentence you read *
29. You pitiful Neopians can't even dodge that mind erase ray!
30. * your mind is erased once again *
31. Plushies have no brains! Thus I can manipulate them!
32. I WILL have an army of evil fuzzles.
33. Once everyone is distracted fighting what they think is my army (the useless plushies) I will take control!
34. How you ask? You'll find out soon enough.
35. I am good at everything, except being good.
36. The word makes me shudder.
37. This article is proof that I am good at everything, because it proves that I am published.
38. Even if the staff members don't like this writing, I can be persuasive...
39. I have captured the Space Faerie before and I can do it again!
40. Another one of my amazing characteristics is that I have over 39 amazing characteristics.
41. If you don't believe me, look at the number.
42. I have soda named after me- Dr.SLOTHer.
43. I just realized I didn't read what the Neopian wrote about me.
44. * reads article from number one to ten *
45. I do not have a pink kadoatie in the Kadoatery! I will get you, TNT!
46. Hmmm... I do have a cool cape, I almost regret zapping the author... almost.
47. I have Neopian fans. The previous author adopted one of my Grundos and trained it, and once I need it again she WILL give it back... or else.
48. I resent the earlier remark. One is not considered old if they can live forever... that would be unfair.
49. I don't know much about being fair, but that is way to far.
50. ...and that's right, I am immortal, I will be around for your whole lives!
51. Which won't be long if I am around.
52. Your attempts to defeat me are pitiful and useless... since I am immortal... at least I think I am immortal.
53. Unlike you mortals!
55. * during maniacal laugh Sloth accidentally sets his death ray to "UN-zap" and revives author *
56. Author: What is going on?!?
57. Sloth: It's you!
58. Author: I'm going on? Am I in a play or something? I'm going on a play?
59. Sloth: How did you get back here?!?
60. Author: SLOTH! * cowers in corner *
61. Sloth: Hmm.. That's better. I see you have come to your senses and are afraid of me. * writes that in article *
62. Author is afraid of me.
63. Author: You?!? I'm not scared of you!
64. Sloth: Then why are you cowering?
65. Author: I'm cowering because I just read the writing that you did and it is so terrible it's scary!
66. Sloth: Is that so? * zaps with freeze gun *
67. Now I can move on.
68. To add to my list, I just froze an author.
69. I am slowly taking over the caption contest... as you can see my glorious image is in quite a few of those caption contests.
70. Some users captions for my pictures are quite unpleasant, though.
71. Which reminds me... * destroys those who entered the caption contests that had his picture *
72. I have been informed that there was only supposed to be 50 characteristics of why I'm great and 50 of why the fuzzles are...
73. But seeing as I am better than the wretched things I'm not going to write about them.
74. So I guess I'll do it this way: 50 reasons why I am great and 50 reasons why Sloth is great.
75. See that, I probably confused you * talks in high pitched voice to imitate readers * "But you are Sloth, aren't you?"
76. Yes, I am Dr. Sloth, but I used my wit to make you think I made 50 reasons why I am great and 50 reasons for someone else.
77. But no, they are all for me, Dr. Frank Sloth.
78. See that, I also know how to talk in third person.
79. I'll prove it.
80. Doctor Sloth will dominate Neopia.
81. See, I just did it, as I said I could.
82. I have a nemesis.
83. In fact, I have multiple enemies.
84. I can defeat all of them.
85. I have captured the Space Faerie, one of my enemies.
86. I have also captured the leader of the Grundo resistance.
87. I don't have them trapped currently, but I have done it before.
88. So what is to stop me from doing the same thing again?
90. Hmm... I can only make ten more points about my greatness.
91. Maybe I should make this into 200 reasons why I am admirable.
92. What is that noise coming from the audience?
93. Audience: Boo, hiss.
94. Oh, that is the sound of them sizzling.
95. Just to be clear they are sizzling because I zapped them earlier.
96. * opens tornado in a bottle over Jelly World *
97. What? TNT said it wasn't real, so I destroyed it. I am the evil one here, you know.
98. Not them. TNT is not evil, well, not as evil as me... anymore.
99. They are know longer deceiving you saying thatJelly World doesn't exist because it no longer does. * cackle *
100. The ultimate question: Why should you work for Sloth? Because he said so.
101. Yes I should rule Neopia because of all of the above.
102. WHAT?!? If I submit this I don't get any credit?!? Why not?
103. Apparently it is because this is another person's account.
* Sloth unfreezes author and leaves saying that she shall live for now. *
Umm... that was weird. Well I guess since Sloth has so many reasons why he is the best, and because he didn't make any for evil fuzzles, he wins. Or he would win if he fought against the evil fuzzles. Erm... yay, I guess.
Author's note: uhh... I don't know what I am supposed to say, Sloth did most of this for me. Even though I didn't ask/want him to.