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A Rebuttal - Hagan is Definitely Better!

by agedbeauty


Also by dr_tomoe

In life, there are a lot of great debates to settle. Burgers versus pizza, Faerie Paint Brush versus Royal Paint Brush, Hanso versus Jazan. And sure, Skarl versus Hagan may not have actually crossed your mind – but it's an important debate, and it's one we aim to settle, right here, right now!

Brightvale is one of the most prestigious lands in all of Neopia. Though both lands are ruled by a Skeith and very little actual distance separates Brightvale from Meridell, the two lands are very different. Far from the uncouth, rural land of Meridell, Brightvale is a hub for culture and knowledge, and a haven for intelligence. The kingdom emphasizes education and intelligence in its subjects and while it may be smaller than its estranged sister-land, it's clearly the more preferable of the two medieval lands. Though really, there's only one reason for that; King Hagan is just a better king than his odious brother King Skarl, hands (or paws, or hooves, or whatever you happen to have) down.

Last week, I helped Oliver (dr_tomoe) scrape together a few reasons why Skarl might be better, but let's be honest – Hagan is clearly the better king, so this week, he's helping me prove it.

Are you still on Team Skarl? Well, here are five indisputable reasons why King Hagan is better.

1) Hagan is a pillar of conscientious behavior, unlike Skarl.

Unlike his brother Skarl, Hagan doesn't play fast and loose with morality. His rule is based on wisdom rather than centered on gluttony; sure, he may be a Skeith too, but his subjects don't spend the day toiling away under the hot Neopian sun just to feed him. He didn't start a war (that spilled over into a second war) by stealing from another kingdom (that's right – don't blame Darigan; Skarl stole their orb – they attacked to get it back!). Even with no other evidence, that on its own makes Hagan more ethical than Skarl since he didn't found his kingdom on stealing. And a moral king is a good king, right?

As an added bonus, this makes him a much better role model; you can't really argue a king who prizes morals and ethics against one who prizes thieving and overeating, can you? I didn't think so.

2) Hagan is green. Green wins.

King Hagan is green; Skarl is blue. Case closed.

Oh, you want the reasoning behind that? Okay. Green is the colour of nature and being eco-friendly, while blue is just sad. Things that are fresh and new are green, like greener pastures – blue is the colour of ice and winter. And best of all, Sloth is green. Who is blue? Skarl. Which would you rather be? I thought so.

On a separate but related note, we can also guess that Hagan operates on a more even keel than Skarl. After all, pets only turn blue in random events if they're sad.

3) Hagan is just much more popular than Skarl, and a more popular king means his subjects are happier.

No really, it's true. Name one game where you can play as King Skarl. Go on, I'm waiting. Sure, he's in Neoquest, but that doesn't count – he might be a villain there but you can't play as him, because honestly, who would? Castle Battles doesn't work either; Skarl is the enemy there, knocking your castles down. And Biscuit Brigade don't count either – surprise surprise, Skarl is the enemy in there too, trying to steal your yummy chocolate chip biscuits. Yet by popular demand, you can pretend to be King Hagan in both Castle Battles and Biscuit Brigade, defending yourself from the evil King Skarl – it's not hard to guess which brother is Neopia's king of choice, is it?

As if being popular alone isn't enough of a reason to vote Hagan over Skarl, we can also extrapolate that Brightvalians are happier than Meridellians; if Hagan wasn't more popular, why would he be the hero in not one but two games? And as a plus, this helps Brightvale residents respect their king even more; after all, who'd be happy if their King was always the villain in games! In contrast, Hagan's citizens can be proud of their king.

4) Hagan values literacy; Skarl values jokes. Having a sense of humour is great bonus, but being literate is the only way to function in Neopia!

Now, we all know how important literacy is; if we were illiterate, we couldn't read the Neopian Times each week! And how sad would that be?

So in Brightvale there is a Wheel of Knowledge, where you can win books, and the kingdom even has its own Book Shop. In Meridell, you can go berry picking and win some…well, dung… and rotten berries. In Brightvale, you can use what you've learned to ply King Hagan with sage wisdom; in Meridell, the fumes from all the dung send you fleeing to impress Skarl with a joke in exchange for some burned food. Sorry, but this one is no contest!

5) Finally, even if you do like jokes more than literacy and education, Hagan is much wittier than his brother.

Ah, the pièce de résistance! Did you think Skarl, who encourages everyone to tell him jokes, was the wittier brother? Wrong! After all, what's Skarl's most famous quote in the Neopedia? "Bring more food!" On the other hand, Hagan's most well-known quote is "Knowledge is a gift that can never be returned." Hagan's quip is both profound and clever; Skarl's quote is just…well, there's a reason most Meridellians are farmers, and it sure isn't because their king is well-known for getting his subjects to crack a smile. In fact, there are those that theorize Skarl asks his subjects for jokes so he can out-wit his brother – although no one has proven it, of course.

So there's that – five concrete reasons why King Hagan is clearly a better ruler than King Skarl. You've now had two weeks to read about both Kings and we've each made our case – so now it's time for you to make the ultimate decision: Team Hagan, or Team Skarl?

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