A Yurble stole my cinnamon roll! Circulation: 190,439,813 Issue: 575 | 21st day of Celebrating, Y14
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series

Holiday Shopping For a Bratty Little Neopet

by kelexie


Ahh... Christmas. It's that time of the year again. You know what that means? That's right- you have to put your better judgment aside and buy that little bratty Neopian you know a gift. Whether that rascal is part of your family, your boss's drooling heir to the company, or that neighbor kid that is SO bored they spend 80% of their free time running around your Neohome's front yard, you probably have one reason or another to get them something.

I think you'll be happy to know that I took plenty of time to research the phenomenon that is a snotty kid. What I found was not pretty. They actually CRAVE toys that annoy, sicken, and make a mess of things. What I have for you are ways to counteract that mischief by giving them "busy toys", shiny things, and their own transportation so they can ZOOM away from you in a hurry. Nice, huh?

Now, you may be thinking, "They're just kids! Why so hostile? Why overthink it when you can just get them a nice Christmas scarf, a cookie, and call it a day?" This article is for the one's that have tried everything to tame a terrible tot and need solutions! Scarves and cookies only work for so long! Sloth was a bratty little child once. They're more diabolical than you think. Now is the time to prepare. Let's take a closer look.

They want: Toys specifically made to be annoying.

Giving any of these to a crazy little Neopet will grantee your sanity will be pressed to the limit. I'm serious. They will use these against you, so avoid them. The Can of Fake Wadjets is a classic prank, but when put into the wrong hands can become an overplayed shock joke. Squirt toys are not a good choice either- they won't always be filling them with innocent water. *shivers* It's also good to avoid noise makers, such as whistles. FWEET FWEET FWEET FWEET FWEEEEEEEET all day long! Nobody needs that kind of a headache.

What to give them: Transportation to get far, far away from you!

These are awesome alternatives to all that garbage for many reasons. First of all- bikes, rollerblades, and scooters are totally awesome. Second- the beauty of this gift is they ride these all over the place... including away from you. I can see it in your eyes, the relief of seeing that little bundle of burden ride off into the sunset, never to be seen again. Isn't it beautiful? Maybe then you'd be able to get some peace and quiet. Now here's the BEST part: they really aren't as expensive as you'd think! You can find great deals on them through people's shops and even the Toy Shop if they have them in stock.

They want: Horribly disgusting toys.

I would really rather not go into great detail about these sort of toys, so forgive me if I'm vague. Gross little Neopets like gross little things. Fake Dung, Fake Barf, and the Grarrl New Year Dentures are very popular, to say the least, but you won't humor them and give them this junk on Christmas, will you? Even if you DID humor their Christmas wishlist and bought them one of these, everyone else would think you were a total creep for gifting that to poor little Johnny.

What to give them: Super shiny things.

So so sooo pretty! *Gets lost in the sparkles*

Oh, ahem. Aren't these nice? Silver Springy Toy is a simple but ingenious toy for all ages. It's silver rings shine as they bounce back and forth on each other. The Everlasting Apple Charm is also a nice thing to give. They'll stare at it quietly for at least five minutes, guaranteed, every time it catches their attention. Now that is an invaluable gift to the brat AND you. Lastly, the Glistening Mechafish is the ultimate shiny toy. I've only ever seen Neopets play nice with these. It's just that entrancing.

They want: Messy things that will definitely get all over the place.

Marbles are such lovely things to play with, don't get me wrong, but it's not the best choice for a rotten little menace. They will go all over the place in thirty seconds flat and you'll never see half of them again. If you get them paint as a gift, expect your Chomby and The Fungus Balls Greatest Hits CD, your favorite shoes, and your fancy imported garden gnomes to be splattered with "art". It's going to be best to avoid that altogether. Playing goo is another messy gift that they'd love and you'd cry about later when you're cutting it out of your favorite wig and even your poor Petpet's fur!

What to give them: Toys to keep their evil hands and minds busy.

The key here to to keep them busy with innocent toys that won't go wrong. Paddleball games are great to achieve just this. Tell that little meanie that your high score is 736 bounces and that you don't expect them to beat it. They'll be going at it for who knows how long! Chalk is an excellent substitute to messy paint. It washes away easily- a zero hassle gift! It's a lot cheaper too. Last but not least, board games require focus and determination. Why not join them in a game and try to slip in some lessons on good sportsmanship... while getting revenge and beating the socks off of them. ;)

Thanks for reading! I hope you've found the solution that's right for you. That little punk needs some positive toys in their life, stat! Avoid aggravating the behavioral problems while still being the one that is "cool for an old person, I guess..."

With all joking aside, please remember to always be kind and enjoy your Holidays with the Neopians you love.

Search the Neopian Times

Great stories!


On a snowy morning in December...

Also by neo_ge

by talacheziggy


Dark Faerie Dreams: Part One
My attention caught by the girl in the reflection.

She was a funny looking faerie, I thought sadly. The only thing dark about her was the simple, single-sleeved, purple dress she wore and perhaps her violet eyes.

by ilovemycatembers


All That Effort
One last bit of advice - don't pick fights with the resident Battledome pet, and you'll be just fine this Christmas ;)!

by dragon_imaginer


The World of Neopia
Merry Christmas! I got you a gift.

by seahorsepond

Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.