The Voice of Neopia: 550th Issue with Jazan and Hanso
As the 550th issue comes rolling in, the writers at the Voice of Neopia (just me) racked their brains trying to think of a representative of the Neopian Times to interview as to better entertain and inform the many Neopians who, no doubt, spend many hours every Friday thoroughly reading and analyzing Neopian Times articles. Despite a lack of interesting and famous figures involved in the newspaper business (an interview with the mailman would no doubt be utterly boring and unread), I soon found my answer in two very... unique... fellows who constantly run rampant across the editorials.
Who better to dedicate this 550th issue article to than the famous Jazan and Hanso? Jazan made his first editorial closing in issue 489 after Hanso posted a very dashing picture of one handsome blue Ixi thief there. From then on, the dynamic duo has come to define a part of this Neopian Times culture by bringing joy to editorial readers everywhere.
After making threats involving the destruction of the Lost Desert by Queen Fyora and the Faerieland Yooyuball team, I finally came across as serious enough for Jazan to allow me an interview. Hanso was a bit easier to persuade. It wasn't hard to spot him "just taking a walk" around the Qasalan marketplace, and with the help of a few sharp-eyed Tonu guards I was able to catch him in the act of stuffing an intricately patterned vase into his jacket.
I threatened to report him and throw him in jail if he didn't sit for an interview. I was successful in getting him to sit with me and Jazan in the same room. Yes, yes. I know I should take a bow.
So there I was, sitting with one of the world's greatest leaders and one of the world's most wanted thieves, in a room in a Sakhmet palace, sipping from a delicate Fyora tea cup and furiously scribbling in my alarm clock notebook. Ah, the life of a reporter.
Me: So, Jazan. I am reporting for the 550th issue of the Neopian Times, which happens to be one of the most-anticipated and most-read editions of the newspaper... can you tell us what this event means for you and your kingdom?
Hanso: Hey, why do you get to ask him a question fir-
Jazan: Silence, Hanso. And I am most honored by the fact that I have the honor of appearing in such an honorable newspaper, in such an honorable fashion. The Neopian Times has long been a staple of Lost Desert life after we were reintroduced to the rest of Neopia. I have encouraged my subjects to learn more about the outside world, although to be honest I think some still doubt its existence. Even I have spent much time analyzing the information in the Times. I think that I have finally grasped the concept of a bulky green "Sloth" floating amongst the stars, plotting to destroy the lumpy globe that is Neopia. The Neopian Times have been fundamental in aiding and informing the Lost Desert, and I am surpris--I mean, I am glad it has reached its 550th issue.
Hanso: Can I say something? Actually, I will say something. I like the folks at the NT, because they keep their pockets stuffed. And because it's a '50th edition'? Their pockets will be more stuffed. And once I arrive, they'll be empty.
Jazan: *self-consciously pats pockets*
Me: Uh, good for you, Hanso. Now, we all know the two of you are... okay, are you friends?
Hanso: Yup, me and Jazan here are best bud-
Jazan: No. Not even in the slightest exaggeration.
Me: Okay, so why do you two keep on appearing together in the editorial? Surely if you weren't friends, you'd try to stay as far away from each other as possible... I think.
Jazan: Because of... being an important person, there are always people begging me to end editorials for them. I actually don't know why Hanso keeps on showing up everywhere. I think he is secretly admiring my kingly composure and hoping to become more than the petty thief he is right now.
Hanso: Uh... I'm not a petty thief. Did you not hear Fyora? I'm the 'saviour of Faerieland', yo! Also, your 'kingly composure' seems to repel people away, actually. I think Nabile is the only one who can take it... and speaking of Nabile! Didn't she start out as a thief as well? And I don't hear you calling her 'petty'!
Jazan: Whatever you say. I don't know what Brynn sees in you.
Hanso: It's obvious. She sees a dashing, young, and stunningly attractive Ixi who happens to have saved Faerieland. It's obvious, no?
Me: So... honestly. You know you have a lot of fans of your editorial appearances. Any explanation why you two are so popular?
Jazan: I have a lot of subjects.
Hanso: I have a lot of handsomeness and overall amazing-ness.
Me: But don't you think there's at least a little collaboration here?
Hanso: Me? Collaborate with Jazan! *laughs* No, siree. He's too stuck up and pompous and whatever. Actually, I hear he's an okay king, but then I'm just a 'petty thief'. So, no.
Jazan: Actually, I was under the impression that we were 'best buddies'.
Me: So who do you think Neopia likes better?
Jazan: Me, obviously. Hanso is too... how do I put it? It's a word that is escaping me... ah. He is too annoying.
Hanso: Actually, I think Neopia likes me because I'm too... how do I put it? Handsome.
Jazan: That's pushing it.
Me: Okay, well I feel like this conversation isn't going to last much longer.
Jazan: You're absolutely right.
Me: Can I at least finish this off properly? I want both of you to say something to your adoring readers out there!
Jazan: Yes, loyal dwellers of the Lost Desert and other readers of these great papers, I am always honored and humbled by your joy at seeing me here! I wish to let you know that the Neopian Times are a truly wonderful form of expression and that the fact that 550 issues have passed by is proof of that! I indulge in your joy for reading and I cherish the fact that Neopia strives to be well educated. Except for Hanso, obviously.
Hanso: Hey! Can I say something to the readers? First off... I probably know more about Neopia than our 'cursed king here'. And I love the Neopian Times and think its such a great historical event blah blah 550 blah blah blah, just like Jazan who happens to bore everyone to death. *yawns* Um yeah Neopia and all my little Aisha following, I have three words to say to you.
Jazan: Oh no...
Hanso: I LOVE YOU!
With these three words, there was a sudden boom as many eavesdropping little fangirls hiding outside hit the ground, apparently fainting from shock or as Hanso later put it, "pure adoration". (Note: the Neopian Times is not liable for any injuries sustained from reading this article) Whatever the case, their adoration of Hanso matches that of Neopia for the Neopian Times. Thus concludes this special, Hanso-and-Jazan-loaded 550th issue report.