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An Interview with Eliv Thade

by impellent


Welcome back, everyone! Today, I am here to bring you an interview with the illustrious Eliv Thade! Like many of the subjects I choose to interview, Eliv Thade has gotten a bad reputation as of recently, between the ghost stories and cryptic anagrams, but now this ghastly Kacheek is here to set the record straight. Before I go on to provide a transcript of the events that took place in my interview, it is important to remind everybody that Eliv Thade speaks in anagrams. However, rather than confuse my wonderful readers, I have broken out my decoder ring and done most of the work for you guys. However, I would be lying if I said I was completely comfortable with my translation, so you will want to read at your own peril. Now here is a transcript of what went down between me and Eliv Thade:

"I like to start all my interviews by having the subject go on the record about their name. Could you start off this interview by telling me and my readers your name?" I ask, a little unnerved by the dungeon of a castle that we are meeting in.

"I am Eliv Thade! I am the ruler of this cleats," replies Eliv in a prideful tone.

Unsure I heard Eliv correctly, I ask, "Cleats? I didn't think that Kacheeks wore shoes? Actually, that's not even good grammar."

Starting to growl, Eliv yells, "Cleats! Cleats! Cleats!" It takes me a second, but quickly I catch onto my error.

"OH! You mean that you're the ruler of this castle? Alright," I reply, "so a lot of Neopians claim that before you passed over that you had gone insane from not being able to solve a puzzle that one of your servants gave you. Do you have anything to say about that?"

"Well, for starters, I am not sienna; I am not sienna at all. I am more of a genre," replies Eliv Thade matter-of-factly, with a Cheshire grin on his face. I want to reply but I am unsure how to respond. I can't tell if he is talking about being insane, books, or just the color green. Wanting to play it cool, I just nod my head and move on.

"Fascinating, Eliv, really fascinating; can you tell us more about the game that you run? I know a lot of people complain about how long it takes to get the avatar," I ask, hoping to get a real answer out of him.

"Well, people often forget that it took me a lifetime to solve my final puzzle. Neopians should consider themselves... lucky, they leave my game at all... hahahahaha," replies Eliv Thade, breaking out into a hysterical laughter.

"Wait, you don't mean to tell me that you actually solved that infamous puzzle, the puzzle that everybody said had stumped you. Could you tell us more about that? What was the puzzle? How did you solve it? What was the answer?" I ask, feeling like I am about to make a breakthrough.

"That's right," replies Eliv Thade, still smiling and laughing rather hard, "everyone else left me. They thought I could not loves it. Little did they know that that is what the answer was! You cannot loves it!"

"I'm sorry. Did you mean that you couldn't 'solve' it? Your answer is that you couldn't solve the puzzle? I'm afraid to say Eliv, I think that most people would call that cheating. At least, I'm sure the people who couldn't solve the puzzles in YOUR game would beg to disagree with you," I reply rather sternly. Then, all of the sudden, Eliv Thade goes from laughing hysterically to an eerie calm.

He stares at me with his deep, red eyes, and calmly says, "Conservationists like you have no earth. How would you know how to solve anything when you don't even get half the things I say right?" Terrified and not quite sure what Eliv Thade meant, I move past that to some more easy questions.

"You are quite right! Do you mind if I ask you some fan questions?" I ask, hoping to move to a lighter subject.

"Give me your most difficult question!" replies Eliv with a smile.

"Uh, alright. This isn't a game, but here we go: one of my fans wants to know, since you are so good at puzzles, how well do you do on Brain Tree quests? The Brain Tree is near your castle right? Do you even have to go to the Esophagor for help?" I ask, hoping the softball question will help him lighten up.

"About that ... let's just say that the Esophagor doesn't take my calls anymore. But why would I even want to talk to that hack? The Esophagor just reads too much, I have the real lenticel! When the Brain Tree asks me questions, I give him answers," proclaims Eliv Thade, clearly proud of his prowess.

"Do you mean intellect? I think you forgot a t at the end of that," I ask, hoping to clarify.

"Nope. I'm pretty sure you're wrong. You should really learn to spell. I bet you would do terrible at my game. Do you have any more questions for me?" responds Eliv Thade with an evil grin.

"Alright," I reply, "Another one of my fans wants to know. Do you ever visit the Deserted Fairground? And if so, do you enjoy playing any of the games?"

"Oh yes! I love to play Test Your Strength! Although, it is proving to be a more difficult puzzle than most; I haven't quite figured out how to solve it," replies Eliv Thade with a conniving look on his face.

"Um, not to correct you again, but I'm pretty sure that's a game of chance. You hit the button with your mallet as hard as you can and see how high up it goes," I reply, cautiously, not wanting to provoke the undead Kacheek.

"No, no, no. I'm pretty sure you're wrong. It's a puzzle like everything else is, and like all other puzzles, it has a solution. You just have to work it. I'm doing the same thing with Bagatelle, and the Wheel of Misfortune, and Coconut Shy, and the Cork Gun Gallery," replies Eliv with his Cheshire grin that I was becoming all too familiar with. Sensing an underlying problem, I decided to back off the subject and finish our interview.

"Well, I think that's about it for the day. If you don't mind, I'll just see myself out," I say politely. What started out as a pretty sunny day by Haunted Woods standards was turning out to be quite a storm and I wanted to get out of there as quick as possible.

That about covers it for this interview! There you have it, folks, an interview with the man, or well, ghost, who can loves (or solve, depending on who you ask) anything! I hope you enjoyed reading my interview as much as I enjoyed giving it. That's all for now!

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