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Letter from Petpet Consultants, Inc.

by larkspurlane


Also by _razcalz_


Chairman, Neopian Times Celebration Organizational Committee

111 NT Private

Suite 1500

Neopia Central


Chairman Benedict,

Petpet Consultants, Inc., is thrilled to have been selected by you as consultants for your 550th Neopian Times Celebration event. Our firm followed last year's celebrations closely and we were, like many of your guests, disappointed by the low Weewoo turnout. Weewoos can be difficult to attract at the best of times, and we understand the importance of having as many representations of the official Times mascot as possible during the celebrations. We are very pleased that our services have been retained this year, and hope that the following analysis will serve you well in achieving high attendance of the white and feathery sort for years to come.

Our project leads for this assignment were chosen for their specialties in avian petpets, namely:

Duckie McCrumb

Ph.D. in Plumology

12 Times Winner, "Neopia's Most Fluffy"

Glymmer Featherbutt

Part-time professor, Department of Ornithology

Research Consultant: Worms and Other Wigglies

After much thought and research by this dedicated team of petpet professionals, we are pleased to suggest the following additions to your venue. We encourage you to contact our firm for any questions or comments you may have on the list below.

Silver Weewoo Perch

Perhaps one of the reasons for the Weewoo low attendance at last year's event was the dearth of perches for our feathered friends. Weewoo are particular about where they will roost, refusing to plop their delicate derrieres on just any old branch. For this reason we propose the addition of several Silver Weewoo Perches throughout the venue. Having looked at your room layouts, we would suggest that you consider purchasing 6-8 of these finely-crafted items, which will be an excellent long-term investment for celebrations to come. In terms of placement, Weewoos enjoy being the centre of attention on Times Celebration days, and we would suggest that they be placed where crowds will tend to gather – near podiums for speeches, backdrops for photo-opportunities, and especially near food and beverage tables.

Pteri Seed Cake

Speaking of food, we would make the observation that Weewoos are quite the gastronomes, and easy to lure with the right kind of bait. Our proposal, which is both cost-effective and low-labour, is the classic Pteri Seed Cake – five types of seeds, lemony icing, and you have the single best Weewoo enticer in Neopia. Our recommendation would be to make several orders of this cake with Neopia's best bakeries, and get the word out that these will be available during your event. The petpet grapevine has ears everywhere – once a handful of Weewoos to hear about this, you will have a guaranteed crowd.

Chirping Music Track

The Weewoo's friendliness and openness to socialization is one of the qualities that made it an ideal mascot of the Neopian Times in the first place. The installation of a Chirping Music Track* is guaranteed to quickly bring a few curious Weewoos investigating and wondering if a feathery friend is present among the celebration. Perhaps, if we are lucky, the Weewoos will even respond in their own elegiac song at some point during the party, to the delight of the attendees. We recommend, however, that you thoroughly camouflage the source of the sound so that the Weewoos do not come upon it and thus feel deceived. During such a commemoration, the Weewoos' feelings are of the utmost importance.

*Available at the NC Mall

Weewoo Sugar Negg

It is said that the Neopet who nibbles on this negg experiences a surge of elation, and the fact brings no surprise. Just look at that sugar Weewoo -- it is so excited. Weewoos do love things that are made in their honour, and the Weewoo Sugar Negg is the ideal of such an object. It has been crafted by the finest of candy decorators, complete in three layers of lilac icing with the likeness of a starflower resting at the crown.

It sparkles, too.

Guests should be advised to do their best to refrain from eating these neggs and making the Weewoos indignant for the safety of their sugary twins.

Citronella Candle

Though outdoor events are wonderful, especially for celebrations of this magnitude, bugs do tend to be a problem. Mozitos in particular plague Neopia Central during summer evenings. The Weewoo's native Krawk Island has no Mozitos at all, and Weewoos are therefore more sensitive than most petpets to their annoying bites – Mozito attack victims have been compared to "large pale Tobbie Fruits with beaks". Weewoos will not stay long where Mozitos are swarming, even if their favourite cakes are liberally available.

It is highly recommended that these candles be lit well before the start of the event, and be kept aflame until the last Weewoo has disappeared (we are aware that this may be quite late, as they do like to party, but keeping the place Mozito-free will cultivate good will for next year's event as well). (As an aside, we suggest that Tobbie Fruits not be made available at your event as Weewoos regard them with a kind of disdainful resentment.)

Weewoo Face Powder

This face powder is delicate and wonderfully scented. The white Weewoo's signature is of course its white plumage, and Weewoos attending the celebration will be delighted to find that the presentability of their appearance has been covered. With this product at hand, they will be able to look cute all evening long and win all your hearts.

Exploded barrel

This suggestion involves powder of rather a different sort. Despite their adorable delicate fluffiness, Weewoos are originally pirate petpets, and many of the breed retain a nostalgic longing for reminders of their rough and tumble seafaring past (except for the parts about swabbing the poop deck). For this reason we suggest the addition of a few strategically-placed Exploded Barrels throughout the venue, which are not only decorative in a rustic, volatile, dangerous kind of way, but also give of a faint whiff of gunpowder that Weewoos find quite reminiscent of home.

They also serve as excellent chairs for guests that you do not like.

Bird watching

A few copies of this venerable volume should be strategically placed on tables, with the Weewoo page marked for the convenience of guests.*

*We recommend that the few sentences on Weewoo digestion in Section III(a), specifically about their inability to handle Beany Burpers without having a stock of Flat-U-Less tablets on hand, be redacted out, to preserve the dignity of this wonderful, but prideful species.

Bird Nest Hat

Recommended solely for amusement purposes, especially if Beany Burpers have been served.

Feather Guitar

This instrument is affordable en masse, creative, and diverting. We propose that the band providing the musical entertainment for the celebration have a full set of Feather Guitars, for the auditory pleasure of our Weewoo visitors. As well, the aforementioned band should have appropriate songs composed, featuring the Feather Guitar. Suggested track titles: Viva la Weewoo, Colours of the Feathers, Part of Your Forest, What Makes Weewoos Beautiful.

Strange Green Seeds

Being the icon of one of Neopia's centers of writing and tale-telling, it is probable that Weewoos love mystery and intrigue as much as the readers of the Times do. One would be hard-pressed to find items more mysterious than the Strange Green Seeds. The possibilities of these verdurous kernels are endless: they can be scattered in a clearing, arranged in artistic shapes, arrayed to spell cryptic messages, etcetera. Avians in general all love to eat seeds, and a strategic arrangement of these puzzling green specks promises to yield a turnout of the more inquisitive and imaginative of the Weewoos. These are healthy, cheap, and extremely accessible, a fact easily proven by a visit to the Meridell Rubbish Dump.


This concludes our analysis, which is submitted with our greatest confidence that these items will attract an excellent turnout of our white, feathery friends. Should any or all of the above items pique your interest, kindly advise us as soon as is convenient. We are happy to provide lists of recommended providers for these items, or proceed with ordering them for you directly.

Warm regards,


Petpet Consultants, Inc

"Petpetting since Y7."


Twig samples for Bird Nest Hat

Proposed flavours for Pteri Seed Cake

Sample Citronella Candle

Lyrics to Part of your Forest by the Tweets

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