Voice of the Neopian Pound Circulation: 188,914,574 Issue: 542 | 27th day of Eating, Y14
Home | Archives Articles | Editorial | Short Stories | Comics | New Series | Continued Series
 

6 Steps to Successful Spring Cleaning


by vanilla_paw

--------

An excerpt from the rarity 72 self-help book "Guide to House Cleaning" by Molly Mophead the Tonu

1. Safety First!

Cleaning may sound like a mundane task, but in fact, it involves many dangers and risks; worst of all, cleaning has an 87% chance of increasing your weekly load of dirty laundry! If you don't want to end up a train wreck like your Neohome, I suggest gearing up in a variety of safe, protective, and hard-wearing work wear.

For starters, you will need some heavy duty rubber gloves to protect your skin and nails. Cleaning involves getting down and dirty with scraping, scrubbing, and using harsh chemicals, all of which can harm your sensitive hands (or paws). At a mere 1,300NP, Ultra Rubber Gloves are the perfect pair of gloves in terms of quality and value. Trust me; this investment will save you loads of Neopoints spent towards hand cream and bandages in the aftermath of spring cleaning! As the Altadorian Hall of Heroes janitor would say, "Love thy hands and they shall do bucketfuls of work for thee!"

Spring cleaning just isn't spring cleaning without some good ol' back-breaking labour! When doing the heavy lifting and other types of nitty gritty work, it is highly recommended that you equip yourself with a pair of Rugged Work Boots (150 NC) and Rugged Work Shirt and Vest (150 NC) as well! If you do not have the funds to afford NC, any pair of quality, steel-toed boot will do! Everyone knows how much it hurts to drop a hammer on your toes (okay, maybe not an Inflated Hammer, but I assure you, drop any other hammer on your toes and you will cry longer than a baby Shoyru who just got his candy stolen). A good pair of boots is like helmets for your feet! And you don't want to make a trip to that horrid Neopian Hospital, do you? Well, a pair of appropriate footwear a day keeps the doctor away!

2. Decluttering:

You can't clean unless all that junk strewn across your living room floor is put away! Spring cleaning is the perfect opportunity to get rid of old, useless items and reorganize the things you do want to keep. Celandra, Queen Fyora's royal maid, once told me that, "cleaning is just putting your belongings in less noticeable places." Her wise words are that of a true cleaning master and should be adhered to, to the letter, by every Neopian. Oftentimes, Neopians spend too much of their Neopoints investing in pretty, decorative pieces for their Neohomes and consequently, neglect to address the issue of storage. You need at least one place for storage in every single room, as well as an additional room dedicated solely to storage if your Neohome is on the extravagant side.

A wonderfully ingenious do-it-yourself storage solution is the Kreludan Treasure Chest. Purchase the chest for just 3,500 NP and throw away the treasure—all that gold is just taking up precious space that can be used to store say, your thumbtacks, paperclips, and other valuable essentials. Then you can use your empty chest to store everything under the sun! (I'm just kidding; don't actually throw the gold away—it's pretty darn valuable!)

For the ladies out there: are your bathrooms cluttered with accessories, grooming items, and hygiene products? Well, no fear! Vanity boxes are here! At 1100NP, the Jewellery Box is an economic and efficient way of storing all your tangled up necklaces. Alternatively, if you are rich as a Zytch, take a trip to Mystery Island to trade for the exquisite vintage Valentine Jewellery Box sourced from the distant moon of Kreludor and hand-crafted by native Grundos. Its beauty is unrivalled by all jewellery boxes and it is be worth every one of the 500,000 Neopoints you'll be shelling out. Lastly, Isca Grooming Items Storage Basket (50,000 NP) is a great container for all your other miscellaneous bathroom items.

3. Discarding:

Did you know that it is far more difficult to successfully complete spring cleaning if you're a hoarder? While you are decluttering and storing away all of your seldom-used items, make sure you assess each item's usefulness and discard those that no longer have any practical (or sentimental) value to you. Invest in a Checked Kitchen Rubbish Bin (2,000NP) to carry with you from room to room, so you'll be more inclined to throw away useless junk than if there was no garbage bin in sight. Good luck!

Sometimes it can be difficult parting with your possessions, but know that you will feel ten times better once you've done finished discarding all that junk that's cluttering up your beautiful Neohome and your vibrant life. You deserve better than a house full of junk!

4. Cleaning the Floors:

Now that you're dressed appropriately and you got the bulk of your possessions neatly stored away or thrown out in the trash, it's time to get some elbow grease on! Your floors are guaranteed to be the dirtiest surface in your Neohome. Firstly, you will need to sweep out the dust, dirt, and debris. The Blue Broom (750NP) will work just fine. Speaking of brooms, standing a broom on its bristles will change its shape and render it useless. Use a broom holder to support your brooms. Once you have the general area cleaned, it's time to get scrubbing! If your house isn't in terrible shape, then purchase the cheap 2-in-1 set of Mop and Bucket for just 1,100NP and that should do the job. However, if your dwelling resembles a Neoshambles more than a Neohome, then you will need to bring out the heavy-duty tools: a 350NP Wooden Mop and a 1,300NP Janitor Bucket.

In addition to a mop and a bucket, you will also need a concoction of soap water to work with. The best soap to water ratio is: 15:1000. As for soap, Bar of Soap (2,000 NP) is the standard. However, I discourage you from using Bar of Soap for laundry as it will dry out your paws and irritate your skin very quickly. Instead, I suggest the Darigan Foamy Soap (4,000NP); it has moisturizing properties that will leave your hard-working hands feeling like brand new!

Alternatively, if your Neohome is furnished in carpet, sweeping and mopping won't work so well. Instead, get yourself a Buzzer Vacuum Cleaner for 3,500 NP and vacuum away!

5. Dusting:

Now that your floors are clean, it is time to dust away the rest of your Neohome. Currently, no feather duster is available to the Neopian public. However, if you want to make use of this fantastic tool, you can always take on a lovely do-it-yourself project. For this project, you will need a Purple Feather Boa (26,000 NP), a Techo Cheeseroller Stick (2,000 NP), and some string. Attach one end of your boa to your Cheeseroller stick and secure it with a piece of string. Loosely wrap the boa around the stick and secure the other end with more string, making sure that you've left enough exposed stick to allow for a comfortable grip. Lastly, tie another knot in the middle of the boa. And that's it! Your home-made feather duster should be ready to use on bookshelves, desks, cabinets, and more!

6. Host a Garage Sale:

Why not make some Neopoints off your hard work? Go through all the things you are planning to throw away and pick out the items that are of at least decent quality. Set them all up in boxes and on tables in your Neogarden, post a Notice Board ad, and wait for the customers to roll in! You may want to consider purchasing a Reduced Sign to alert everyone in your neighbourhood on your good deals. It's only 15 NP, so what's to lose?

Alternatively, you can auction off your unwanted items at the Neopian Auction House. Set the initial price low to attract buyers.

And that's it! Best of luck on all your cleaning endeavours and may your spring cleaning season be a joyous one!

For further information and even more helpful tips, purchase Molly Mophead's "Guide to House Cleaning" for the unbelievably low price of 834 NP! BUT WAIT! If you drop us a neomail within the next 24 hours, you will receive an additional copy of "Guide to House Cleaning" for FREE! BUT WAIT! If you call within the next TWO hours and we will throw in a complementary Wooden Mop for—you've guessed it—ABSOLUTELY FREE! BUT WAIT! If you call within the next 10 seconds, you will receive a Pink Gnorbu*!

* Pink Gnorbu Plushie**

**Plushie Gnorbu Plushie

 
Search the Neopian Times




Great stories!


---------

Lazy Yet Creative Ways to Get Rich
Just follow the steps in this guide exactly and I promise you'll be a millionaire in no time!

by elementdragongirl

---------

Strangeness in the Air
Right now, he was staring down at a series of clockwork springs and spinning wheels that were inside of a compass bracelet, trying to fix the cheap thing. But, of course, he had no idea what he was doing.

by amsurito

---------

5 Ways to Celebrate Cybunny Carnival
A humorous and intriguing guide on how to make the most of Cybunny Day.

by greenglitter

---------

To the Top of the Mountain: SW1 and SW2
Princess Terrana, younger sister of the infamous Princess Lunara, hopes to prove herself worthy of the title "Shenkuu Warrior" by racing her way up some of Shenkuu's tallest mountains armed with nothing more than her wits and a shiny grappling hook.

by iamduffan



Submit your stories, articles, and comics using the new submission form.