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Tips for Surviving the Neopocalypse


by lilshadowdweller

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It was a day of complete chaos.

February 28, 2012, a day Neopians will not easily forget.

Many Neopians awoke this day to discover that their Habitariums were not loading. In panic, they headed to the Neoboards, desperately seeking a way to revive their precious p3S.

Within hours of this ordeal, the Neoboards quickly met the same fate as Habitarium.

Thousands of Neopians flocked towards TNT demanding answers!

"It a sploded!" one staff member commented. "Don't worry, our monkeys are looking into it."

Things were looking pretty grim.

With Habitarium down, and Key Quest being down for a little while already, desperate and unprepared Neopians were forced to seek shelter in the outside world.

Unfortunately, the outer world, or reality, is a place which Neopians need to tread carefully.

This is a guide meant to provide alternatives to Neopets, in the rare but horrible event that Neopets meets another apocalypse. With this guide, you need not worried or fear. There is hope out there, there is peace. Follow these instructions and feel confident!

Have a Disaster Box Filled with Distractions

One of the things you will notice after leaving Neopia is that reality tends to come in 3D. Everything is highly detailed and textured. Because of this, reality tends to come with a huge lag. In order to distract yourself from this lag, you'll need some distractions.

Always have a kit packaged with these necessities:

  • Books
  • Flashlight
  • AA and double AAA batteries
  • Crafting Kit (easily purchased in many real life stores)
  • Snacks, including: Water bottles, candy bars, chips, healthy sounding stuff
  • Bandages

For those of you who may be unaware of what the importance of having books is, a book is a paper filled binding with words which you can read. It's exactly the thing (with the same name) which you give to your Neopet to increase his/her intelligence, but in this case, you're increasing your own. Books can increase your grammar (increasing your respect on Neopets), and can always provide a great distraction in times of need. You can thankfully find books (or magazines) of many different topics to keep you interested.

Sadly, there isn't a lot of books with Neopet-related content but you can read lots of animal or dinosaur books (which are sort of close to Neopets, right?)

A flashlight is very valuable when and if the power goes out. Now, it's unlikely that the power will go out just because Neopets is having an Apocalypse, but this is all about preparedness, right?

If it's night time, you can use it to distract your friends or family when you jump out from behind the door with it shining in your face. A prank is a good, healthy way to keep everyone distracted.

Batteries are for the flashlight, or any other things which may need them. Like a handheld gaming system!

Crafting kits come in handy during a Neo-Apocalypse! Using one, you can make your own Neopets out of pipe cleaners. (Note: always make sure to have an adult close by.) If you manage to make something really creative, you can even submit it to the Art Gallery for all to marvel at. (Assuming Neopets isn't entirely a-sploded!) You can also pretend you're the Crafting Faerie!

Make sure your crafting kit has the following: Scissors (adult supervision required), Paper, Construction Paper, Glue, Pens, Pencils, Pipe Cleaners, Colourful Water Proof Markers and Glitter.

If you plan to play real life games like Kacheek Seek to help ease the pain, make some dazzling trophies for it!

Snacks are of upmost important as a distraction. Just like your Neopets need fuel, so do you, especially if you're going to survive this ordeal. Make sure to have all of the essentials available, like Juice, Coke, and water. Also, candy bars are really tasty. For those of you who are feeling more health conscience, definitely place in a can of asparagus!

It's HIGHLY important to remember that in reality, food has a time limit in which it can be eaten. Perishables (apples, milk, bologna, hot dogs, bacon, chicken, etc), must be consumed swiftly if they are not residing in your refrigerator.

Unlike Neopets, reality sets the food bar higher by allowing them to spoil. Scientists have yet to discover TNT's secrets of how to make all food nonperishable.

Physical Activity

Physical Activity is of upmost important during these crucial times. Without a mouse in your hand, how are you going to move?! How will you get your daily exercise?! Here's two dandy Neopet related exercises to keep you erm... sane.

Neopet Exercises:

Pretend that you are a Faerie

Stretch out your arms, nice and wide, than flap them back in fourth in an elegant motion. Make sure you are alone when you do this, and let everyone know that you're simply exercising, like a Faerie. If you're not big on being a Faerie, imagine that you are a Buzz, and flap your arms around.

Do the Wocky

Get on all fours, and run around really quickly. (Make sure that the floors are nice and clean). It's extremely demanding but fun, and you'll get plenty of exercise.

Well, thankfully, you can play these neat games (one even related with Neopets), to pass the time and keep you healthy and sane during the Neo Apocalypse.

Real Life Physical Games

Just like Neopets, reality is full of games. Unfortunately, there are no high scores. So you can use that dandy crafting kit to make your own trophies! If you are heading outside to play some of the games, it's highly recommend that you cover up in tons of clothing, wear plenty of Sun Screen and sport some stylish sunglasses! (The Sun is brighter than you may recall.)

Kacheek Seek

In reality, you can play a game much like "Kacheek Seek", although it involves YOU hiding and physically having to move. This can be a scary concept, as reality is in 3D and provides endless possibilities for your foes to hide. Also, it is not the social norm for them to give you money if you end up finding them. If you want to up the level a bit, you can always play it in the park, where you'll have lots of room to move and plenty of places to hide.

Tag

Tag is a simple children's game where you have to catch a person by chasing them and if you tag them, they have to try and get you. Usually, one person tags another. Note: When running around, be weary that you may fall and hurt yourself! Thankfully, YOU are prepared, with your bandages!

Tug Of War

Like the Neopets game, except you have to do the pulling. Grab some friends and TUG. Just be wary of rope burn, which happens in reality due to the friction of the string sliding against your fingers.

Advert-Attack

Simply head onto your Email (which should still be working) and click on the Junk Mail Folder. You'll certainly find some fine adverts to dodge there!

Virtual Gaming

Fortunately, reality offers other virtual means of distraction, which are sure to keep your game playing vibe up. You may look them up on other websites, or play them on cell phones.

There are games which are like Meerca Chase, except it uses a wingless Hissi instead of a Meerca with Neggs! Games like Volcano Run which use a "helicopter" (a device which can fly) instead of a Scorchio. There are even bubble related games like Faerie Bubbles, except they often lack the charm of Faeries.

Call A RealFriend

A RealFriend is like a NeoFriend, except real friends came first. (Hence, the Neo before the friend.) Like NeoFriends, you can call a friend to hang out and chat about stuff. You can even text message a friend from your cellphone, which is a lot like Neomail. (Keep in mind charges may apply.)

Reality friends are different from Neo Friends in many ways. For instance, you may have to meet a real friend face-to-face. You cannot do that with NeoFriends. Your real friend may not have a Neopet. (I know, but unfortunately, this is a reality you must cope with.) You may have to actually not chat about Neopet related things.

But in some manner, you'll find them very good at sparing you the lag of reality. They can play Kacheek Seek with you, or you can go out for Coffee. You could read books together or maybe they have some neat board games. You can even ask them their opinion on some crafts you've made.

By now, I hope you feel prepared and confident the next time disaster strikes. For your convenience, I've provided some Dos and Don'ts when the Neopocalypse strikes.

Dos and Don'ts When the Neopocalypse Strikes

DO:

Go outside and play Kacheek Seek.

Call a real friend.

Eat something.

Do chores.

Read a Book

DON'T:

Try to read to your real Pet. It can't talk or read. (It's only socially acceptable to speak to your real pets in high pitched baby voices!)

Paint your real pet different colours.

Eat a Book.

Call an Emergency Number.

Wait for reality's lag to stop.

We all know that TNT does their best to keep everything in order. The important is always to keep calm.

I hope that you found this little guide helpful.

I also sincerely hope that you will never need it.     

 
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