Sanity is forbidden Circulation: 188,352,100 Issue: 533 | 17th day of Awakening, Y14
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Krawk Island Tour Time!

by lillifer


Ahoy there!

I be Yellerbeard, arr, ye can just call me Cap'n... arr, 'nd ye got me as yer guide today. Arr, lucky bunch! Now watch yer feet there, ye landlubbers. Keep yer arms in the boat at all times! All times, I said! Arr! That means YOU, in the back there. Alrigh... we be land bound now!

Ya can start by tellin me yer names. Aye, then! If ya must know, this here'll be me first tour! Calm yerselves, ye scallywags, I never got meself in any sorts of troubles, arr. Nothin to be worried abou-

HAROLD, YE MANGY BILGE RAT! STEER AROUND THE ROCKS – 'scuse my language, folks... it be this here Harold calls imself a pirate... arr, pirate my behind, thas what I say... AROUND THE ROCKS, HAROLD!

Aye, then.

As ye know, we be set off to Krawk Island. Arrg, the home of the lov'ly golden dubloons! It'll be a whiles b'fore we be settlin at the shore... in the meantime, care to hear some er the island's hist'ry? Arr, I'm tellin it anyway, ye hearties. Savvy?

Arr, long b'fore ye lubbers saw light, Krawk Island was a buncha little isles, but arrg when that scallywag Sherman seized fire, all those islands came t'gether to what we be seein today! Then it dis'peared, arrr... *grumble, grumble*

These here islands be famous, mostly, for the fungus caves, arr, they been transformin regular ol' pets 'nto Krawks for centuries! Arr. Not a long while past, this great grand sea beastie, mother of all squids and such aye, the Krawken, went all attackin on the islands! All the anchors holdin' them together, gone! Then this lubber, Gavril McGill took it on emself to bring'em back together, arr! 'Nd now ee's gov'ner, or some'm.


Was I sayin?


Aye, what be wrong with yer face, there, me hearty? Ya look yarr 'bout to be explodin... oh, ye scallywag! Not on me shoes! Arg, landlubbers... *grumble* HAROLD, COME CLEAN UP THIS HERE MESS.

Arrg, while thass gettin all mopped up... ye got any questions for yer favorite cap'n? Aharrhar... yes, me lass?

Arr, we be gettin to that question later... land ho! HAROLD! HAULT, BELAY THE SHIP, YE SCURVY –


Shiver me timbers!


Er'yone be 'live?

Arr, HAROLD! GO HOME, HAROLD! Aye, ye lubbers be ready to start our adventure? No turnin back now, arrgahararggah! *cough cough grumble*

O'r there to ye scallywag's right side- that be the world famous Armanda game! Tis all 'bout strategy, those ships there... tis no fun w'out a bet! Yar, these Krawk Islanders be all for gamblin... *grumble* 'Nd there, that be Buried Treasure, 'nother gamblin game. 300 neopoints fer a game, ye just migh' win s'mthin grand. Err sand. Arr, I say! Up ahead just a few shiplengths, ye lubbers can see the Goven'rs Mansion! Aye, the hearty that be bringin these isles all t'gether.

Aye, what's that, lass?

A bus?

Arrr! We don't be needin no automobile! Ye have yar legs there, don'cha? Sore? Arr, quit yar complainin.

Westward, me hearties!

Through this here forestation, foliage, arr. Arr, I say! Watch fer snakes, wild Kougras, arr. Aye, there be the dirt path! Avast! Up ahead, me lubbers, in all it's golden majesty – thee Dubloon O'Matic! Arr, yee, this here machine be given proper dubloon amounts fer as long as me can remember. Arrrr, does me heart good to see this contraption again. Creepy lookin, ya lubber? YE BE CREEPY LOOKIN. Arrg! *grumble*

Where ye be point'n, scrumpet? The island over yonder? Arr, KEEP OUT it says. I won't be disobeyin... don't be look'n like a good place, we'll stay away. Far away, aye. Aye aye. Stay on the path, landlubbers!

Arr, I don't be rememberin' jungle like this. It be gettin thicker, arr. Arrg! ... Aye, where's the sun? That way... no no, that way! North! ArrgghblastitscurvyratdogpipeARR!! That be a rock. Lookout for the rock, lubbers... Lost? Arr, we don't be lost! Lost, harhararr!


Any of you scallywags got a map?

Arrg, no need! Light ahead! Arr, yes, I know this cliff. Just up there – the Forgotten Shore! 'Tis the Forgotten Shore, ya ask? Arr, 'tis a secret. Iffin' I be knowin anyhow, I would be forgettin! BAHAHARRGARR! *enthusiastic chuckle cough cough*

This beach, arr has seen many things in it's day. Arr, tis been worn by nature, and all these d'ffrent landlubbin leaders of this island... Avast! See that cave eastward? Smuggler's Cove! Ye got any dubloons? Arrg, never that mind, those smugglers never be around to sell a darn thingl... arrg.

Dead end? Naar, lass! Time to climb! Arr! Juss grab a good foothold there, tisn't too far to the top there. Arr, come on down there, smartly! Up the cliff's edge! *grunt* Arr, give me yar arm there. Arr! All ye up?

Arrg! Well hurry then!



Ye ready? As ye landlubbers say, tallyho! Arrr!

Parrot, ye say? Why would I be havin a parrot for? I'm a pirate, arrg, not a bowl of exotic fruits! Arrg!

Up ahead! Avast, there be old Cap'n Threelegs!


Arr, that ol coot, half deaf I say. Right there be the Swashbucklin' Academy! Fer a few dubloons, ol deaf Cap'n Threelegs will train yer pets. Arr, and sometimes for free, if he be feelin' generous. That ol Cap'n, such a softie. Arr.


Over to yer side, there be the Golden Dubloon. Tisn't a ship, tis a restaurant. Arrg. I be jokin' bout the hungry part, I don't got the dubloons for that kind'o dinin... arr. Quit yer grumblin, lubbers!

Arr, just a small bit longer. Ye see what we be walkin into? This here town be called Warf Wharf – clever, savvy. Arr... That little shop right thur be called Little Nippers, petpets and such... no neopoints here, lubbers, just dubloons! Arr! What an idea... *grumble* Arr, over behind that shop be the Food Club! Don't know much about that... they be eatin food? Arr. There? That be Krawk Fashions, where ye can see some non-updated pirate artwork... arrg. Arrg I say! That be needin an update, aye! There be Bilge Dice, 'nother gamblin spot fer ye landlubbers. Arr, confusin I think, never got 'round to playin. Avast, there be the Krawk Cup lodge! The championships be over now, but ye can still poke around the buildin if ye have a mind to. ARRR! KRAWPS! Memories, lubbers, memories!! That game, arr! Mind if I step aside fer a bit to have a game?

*two hours later*

Ahoy, lubbers... where we be? Arr, how did I do? Lost it all! Arrrharr! Shiver me timbers! Arrg, there be the colourin' pages, fer all ye artistic mates. Momma said I'd be an artist er something... Arr, I never was an artist, arr, never had the chance, this hook hand! Arr! *waves hook hand*

Arr, let's be gettin out of this warf... all these pets make me nervous... arrg. What de ye mean I owe ye money from Krawps? Get way from me, ye scallywag! Argr! ARRG, I say!

Well, phew, that be close, lubbers. Arrharrgaar! Why ye be lookin so pale, aye? Ye gonna heave-ho 'gain, mate? Arr me hearties, we be back at the shore where we first arrived... arr, remember? Good times, arrg!


Arr, well, me lads and lassies, this here be concludin our 'dventures. Unless ye wanna stay here for a spell with yar favorite pirate? Arr. Fun, fun!

No? Arr, where ye lubbers be goin?


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