How to Not Get the Dice-a-Roo Avatar

In any case, Dice-a-Roo hates me and I hate how it won't keep giving me things forever and ever. But I do like avatars or rather, I like how getting new avatars makes my count go up. For some reason, I keep thinking that having that number become one higher than it was before is reason enough for enduring the crushing disappointment of not getting the silver dice. But I still try. Again and again. Here is how I yet again stunningly failed to get the avatar:

Starting the Game

There's a board on the Avatar Chat about playing non-flash games for avatars – as you'd expect from a place cunningly titled "Avatar Chat". I decide to revisit my arch-nemesis, Dice-A-Roo. I start a game. I get game over immediately. But now I've announced, on the internet, no less, that I will be playing it. I can't give up yet. I play again and get game over, straight away, once more.

Maybe I should go apologise to Sophie. If not for insulting her prizes, stealing them and replacing them with dung, then I should probably say sorry for starting a rumour about her eating dung cookies for breakfast. But the evidence was right there – she had a cupboard full of dung!

...oh, right. Because I put it there.

Anyway. Back to the game.

IT DID IT AGAIN. No sooner had I clicked 'press me' and started a new game – game over.

So the Monocerous comes along and scares the Blumaroos so much that I get to turn the dice over when they're not looking a couple of times. My luck is finally changing now I've taken everything in hand. It's at this point that Neopets itself decides I shouldn't be playing this game and logs me out.

Continuing the Game

But not even the site itself can stop me. I log back in like a boss and go back to clicking. And losing. Clicking. And losing. Okay, maybe just about everything can stop me getting this avatar. The twenty-thousandth Blumaroo tells me that it loves nachos. My attempts at bribery with cheesy nachos falls flat. Speaking of falling flat, I tried to snatch the silver dice when I thought no one was looking. Those Blumaroos can be rough.

King Roo crows about the jackpot. I take solace in the fact that, even though I've not won anything, neither has anyone else. Take that, Neopia. We're all failing here. I calmly inform the other players of this philosophical gem.

Seconds after me screaming at the other players that we're all losers from loserville, the game punishes me by treating me to a series of immediate game overs. I apologise with my fingers crossed behind my back.

So then some poo-face wins the jackpot. I tell them I hate them, but only in my head. I don't want the Neo-Fates to get more angry with me.

Oh My Gosh It's GREEN

I finally reach the green dice. Which is nothing to write home about, except it's far better than the red and blue dices I've been staring at for the last million years. As I am triumphantly awarded a plate of Hot Cakes, thoughts of trying for a less irritating avatar (like, say, the Wheel of Extravagance) are swept from my mind. The Blumaroos keep me well fed with an Ultimate Burger. You hear that? Ultimate. It's almost better than the avatar. Almost.

But after several near misses keeping me from the next dice, I begin to grow irritable. I don't even want the BBQ Pork. I want an avatar. Namely: this one. Which is called... the Dice-A-Roo avatar? Dicey? Mr Diceyface? Seriously, I am spending so long irritably jabbing the roll again button for a bunch of pixels I don't even know the name of. I know it's purple, at least. Probably.

These prizes are getting worse. Bitten Red Apple? Broccoli? What are you trying to do, Blumaroos, poison me? Wait, what? Oh no. Oh, no, oh, no no no! I take it back! Please don't let it be game over! I hate the stupid red dice!

Stupid Red Dice Strikes Back

And greets me with an immediate game over. I'm so, so sorry, green dice! I'll eat the broccoli, I promise!

I get a string of short-lived, red-dice-bound games. I start composing an ode to my long lost love, the green dice.

WE ARE REUNITED, GREEN DICE!

Green dice welcomes me back with a leek. You're so much better than red dice, green dice. All red dice gives me is, uh, less than dung. Less than Sophie the Swamp Witch Who Totally Eats Dung Cookies (But Don't Tell Her I Said That). I'm not even angry that green dice keeps stopping me from levelling up. Green dice is awesome.

Wait. Diet Neocola? Are you saying I'm fat? I hate you, green dice! Why won't you let me move on?

Green dice laughs at my futile efforts to move on with my life, on to the yellow dice. It taunts me with another Diet Neocola. I laugh when I get game over. You can't keep me forever, green dice.

Oh, wait. That means it's back to...

Red Dice Two: Electric Blumaroo

Ugh. Ugh. UGH.

Spoiler: I don't like the red dice. Happily, I quickly get on to the blue, after numerous short-lived games. Blue and I skip along for a bit before I am tossed to the green dice, which gives me game over. Yeah, well, you know what, green dice? Your face. Yeah, I went there.

I Should Really Stop Playing This Game

This game and I do not mix. In a matter of... I don't even know how long, since the cycle of endless dice rolling has wrecked my sense of time, but in some probably small amount of time, I have been reduced to personifying and vilifying dice. Even worse, I still don't have the avatar. Which means... the dice have won.

It's only my stupid stubbornness which keeps me going. They won't win. They won't. I click and click and OH MY GOSH SILVER DICE, HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU. It gives me a lottery ticket. I click again. I realise I should probably change the title of this article, BECAUSE I WON THE JACKPOT.

I head off to brag on the Neoboards using the ALL CAPS OF EXCITEMENT. My triumph is met with resounding silence, but nothing can diminish my glory. This is the pinnacle of my Neo-achievements.

Now, what avatar shall I try for next?