A Yurble stole my cinnamon roll! Circulation: 171,606,722 Issue: 178 | 18th day of Awakening, Y7
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The Great Neopian Conspiracy


by _palma_olive_

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NEOPIA CENTRAL - As I was walking innocently about Neopia one day, I *shifty glance* discovered something amazing, well, not so amazing as disastrous! It wasn't a horde of four-armed Kyriis or an entire world made of jelly, no, it was a plan to take over and undermine all of Neopia! And it's already being put into action!

Now you're probably thinking 'yeah right, we would have noticed if Neopia was being taken over'. Well, allow me to prove you wrong, and stop staring at my blue complexion; I know you're just jealous of my beautiful dark hair so you're making fun of my worst feature, which isn't even that bad. Anyway, parts of this plan have already been discovered but never related. I am here to make these connections and show you the real threat to our world.

Now, those of you who read the 'articles' section of the Neopian Times would have read about the conspiracy of the 'Chia Fruit Bowl'. Of course you would have either thought 'now that we know about them the veggie/fruit Chias can't hurt us' or 'fruit/veggie Chias aren't trying to take over Neopia at all'. How wrong you are. The under appreciated asparagus Chias currently have full control over Adam, our beloved co-creator of Neopets.

Back in late year 4 the asparagus Chias slipped mind-control serum into Adam's special asparagus flavoured Borovan and gained full control over his account, mind and body.

The asparagus Chias' first move was to get spies out into the general public of Neopia. They did this by creating the 'super pea' avatar, which (for those of you who don't know) can only be acquired by attaching a Super Attack Pea to a Pea Chia. Suddenly avid avatar collectors were creating Pea Chias left, right and center and soon Pea Chia numbers had escalated rapidly. Being so small Pea Chias made the perfect spies, as they are able to hide in tight spaces and they are armed with an extremely powerful weapon.

Remember when many avatar collectors got the 'Adam' avatar when his money dropped to -45np? (Even if you didn't you know now) This was a product of the asparagus Chias' second move. Using Adam's large amount of NP the Chias bought hundreds of thousands of Kadoaties, some to use as spies in Neopian homes and others to create the dun dun dun…KADOATERY!! I'm sure nearly everyone has read the Kadoatery conspiracy from the article that was published in the Times a little while ago and either thought 'pffft like that's ever going to happen' or 'maybe I should stop feeding them…' if you have thought the latter, you were right, but you never would have thought that there was any more to that dastardly scheme or that there are different reasons for the Kadoaties' actions. As you know the number of Kadoaties asking for Blue Draik Eggs increases everyday and it has been correctly concluded that this is for the creation of an army of blue Draiks that will blend in perfectly with the Meridell guard. It was incorrectly assumed, however, that the Kadoaties were undertaking these actions by themselves, they are (as I mentioned before) that the Kadoaties are actually under the orders of the asparagus Chias, who are creating this army and selling the other foods collected from the Kadoatery to help fund their campaign. To help increase the amount of Kadoatie feeders the asparagus Chias released the Kadoatie avatar and are giving trophies to all feeders; also they have 'promised' that 'if you feed enough, you will get a Kadoatie of your own, it may be thousands though, so keep feeding'

The asparagus Chias' third move was to create an allegiance with Lord Darigan, by promising him the realms of Meridell and Brightvale (before it was discovered by the rest of Neopia). Then on Draik Day of year four the asparagus Chias released the Darigan Draik egg, to create an army of Draiks to join the already immense forces of the Darigan citadel. You're probably wondering, what is the asparagus Chias' obsession with Draiks? Well Draiks are extremely cute so almost every Neopian wants one, and making them restricted increased the demand for them. Also Darigan Draiks look extremely cool (at least in my opinion) so many people will want Darigan Draiks as opposed to a plain red one. This means more Draiks for the asparagus Chia's Darigan army. Also they are extremely expensive to create which makes another avenue of income. Furthermore they breathe fire and can fly, and (at least to my knowledge) can swim, which makes them prime warriors.

The next step the asparagus Chias made was to form an alliance with Dr. Frank Sloth, which, when it comes to being part of a plan to dominate Neopia, is not hard to do. He was promised the realms of the Lost Desert and Tyrannia, plus being able to have a Sloth appreciation without having to hack into Neopet's mainframe and a plot of his own. Sloth therefore pledges his Grundo army, the alien Aishas loyal to him (on a side note, Sloth has said that those who resist will not last long) plus, he has created a Draik transmogrification potion, to give to his units of the soldiers the asparagus have given to him. Again the mutant Draiks are (again in my opinion) inherently cool so again more will be created instead of other colours. Luckily for us this potion was retired, probably as someone on the Neopets team is beginning to get suspicions, unfortunately all information regarding this matter has been destroyed and I have been unable to contact the staff member who retired the potions. I believe that the asparagus Chias must have gotten to him/her first. *tear*

Now, I can hear you thinking, "That's all very nice, but didn't Dr Sloth's plot get cancelled?" Yes it did, but the asparagus Chias had a very good reason to do this, the Dr Sloth plot was going to be the time in which they would attack Neopia in a bid to take over, but as the day drew closer the asparagus Chias realised that Neopia's forces were a lot bigger than they thought. So the plot was scrapped as the Chias began to gather more forces.

Then the Chias made an alliance with Taelia, promising her the realm of Terror Mountain. For those of you who don't remember, Taelia used to give out ghost Draik morphing potions as rewards for completing her quests, but suddenly stopped doing this for whatever reason. To keep up her part of the deal Taelia has used her horde of these potions to create her section of the army, battalions upon battalions of ghost Draiks

Then the asparagus Chias unleashed their next creation; the BORI! The Bori were the Chias' contribution to Taelia's part of the army. They were also part of the asparagus Chias' next section of the plan.

The Chias had learned of the existence of the demi-god the 'Bringer of the Night'; this divine creature could create untold destruction, if it could be controlled. The only way to do this would be to unite the 'heart of the mountain'; of course someone had to get the Bringer to Terror Mountain and retrieve the missing shard of the 'heat of the mountain'. Therefore, the 'Hannah and the Ice Caves' plot was created.

The asparagus Chias, unbeknownst to the Bori, formed an alliance with the thieves' guild. They would then take the Bringer to Terror Mountain. Unfortunately for the asparagus Chias the Bringer was unleashed before the heart of the mountain could be united so the Bringer was destroyed in battle. Also to the asparagus Chias' dismay, the thieves froze Taelia, which angered both Taelia and the Bori, so the Chias had to end their alliance. The asparagus Chias' final inconvenience was that their ending for the plot that would result in Hannah's destruction so she couldn't leak any information she had discovered was changed by another staff member who, is now also unable to be contacted.

Despite of these slight inconveniences the asparagus Chias made their final move to date: the announcement of the rebuilding of Maraqua. The danger of this? I suppose you've all seen the statue of a faerie amongst the ruins of Maraqua (if you haven't go check it out); this statue is undoubtedly the Darkest Faerie, trapped within this stone casing for her crimes against all that is good in Neopia. As well as creating revenue for the asparagus Chias, the rebuilding of Maraqua will give them an excuse for travelling to Maraqua and releasing the Darkest Faerie, who has already agreed telegraphically to join the alliance to defeat Neopia after her and the Three failed taking over Meridell with Lord Kass. Once she is woken, the Darkest Faerie will summon the other two members of the Three, the dark faerie sisters *cackle* (sorry don't know what got into me), her general the Werelupe King, and his army of werelupes who have increased in her absence due to the Chias' release of the werelupe avatar. The asparagus Chias will release the Darkest Faerie within a matter of days,

Then the armies of the asparagus Chias will attack, taking Neopia when they least expect it and darkness will cover the entire world.

Now you are probably curled up in your chair panicking wondering what on earth we can possibly do to fend off this massive army that has been formed right under our noses. Well, there are actually a few things you can do.

1. Don't create asparagus and pea Chias, you are only adding to their spy network.

2. Don't feed the kadoaties at the kadoatery, no matter how lucrative the avatar, trophy or the prospect of your own kadoatie is.

3. Don't create Darigan, blue, mutant or ghost Draiks, the armies control every member of these Draik colour categories, create other coloured Draiks to fight them.

4. Don't create alien Aishas, Bori, or werelupes; again they are controlled by the asparagus Chias' forces.

5. Don't go to the Virtupets Space Station, Kreludor or do Taelia's quests, you may be brainwashed.

6. Don't support the rebuilding of Maraqua, burn the merchandise and boycott the concerts.

There is one other vital thing that you must do to prevent Neopia's fall which is…I don't think I'll tell you *suddenly two of the dark faerie sisters emerge behind _palma_olive_ who takes off her trench coat to revile that she is the third sister* It was nice talking to you *strokes the curved sword hanging at her waist* see you in battle.

Author Comments- Thanks goes to pk_fire14 and blubblub317 for drawing my attention to the Chia and Kadoatery conspiracies and allowing me to make the connection and reveal the much larger evil conspiracy *cackle*. Also thanks go to my best friend and proof reader tvb_rockz. Feedback is very much appreciated, see you all around! Thanks a million!

 
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