White Weewoos don't exist. *shifty eyes* Circulation: 187,881,945 Issue: 519 | 4th day of Storing, Y13
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In Other News: It Returns!


by yippo_yippee

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Hello and welcome back. It's Expulsed here with In Other News, the article to tune into for (questionably) genuine news happening around Neopia! It's been a long time since we last produced something... Some things will be different, others not. Enough babbling, let's get the show on the road.

Fears concerning the stock market are sending shockwaves through the world as the financial stability of Neopia is called into question. Billions of Neopoints were wiped from stocks, sending the stock market into a plummeting wall of red. KSON did restore some confidence later this week with an impressive three day high on the markets. Some view these results with a pinch of salt, wondering how it is possible that a company such as KSON managed to secure such profits despite a conducted study into average neohomes indicating that 99.8% of Neopians haven't ever splashed out on landscaping. Mr. K, CEO of KSON said quite ambiguously, "Ladders are multifunctional" when asked. In response to this, some critics have accused Mr. K's company of "unlawfully placing ladders at the entrance of corporate buildings of competitors in order to satisfy their own pursuit of stock market dominance in a rather superstitious way." Nigel the Chia has remained tight-lipped about the entire situation, sneakily deflecting all public interest by zooming away in his foreign and most likely unlicensed vehicle.

While on the topic of money, recent concerns for local retailers have caused much frustration for struggling store-owners. A Neopian who deals in the sales of clothing and wishes to remain anonymous said that: "With the often discounted and bargain shopping options available through the Neomall, it's much harder to draw in the customers." Other store-keepers have voiced similar concerns, causing the We Love Competition Committee to look into the matter at hand. Bruce Buck, one of the researchers investigating this change in purchasing trends, was quoted earlier this week saying "Neopians are becoming more and more fashion forward; you [local businesses] should too." Controversially, he also hinted that local retail store owners in main locations such as Neopia Central, Haunted Woods and Mystery Island should implement a "plastic card system that will allow for faster transactions." Many retailers have already scoffed at and dismissed the notion, Angus Bordem saying: "such ludicrous notions will not be necessary! Owners love looking at the smiling pictures of Neopets in random locations while haggling with retailers." Or do we?

Krawk Island's recent disappearance from Neopia's surface has caused quite an alarm amongst global citizens of late; however, the rediscovery of the island has done little in terms of dispelling these anxieties. Local residents are worried by the sudden influx of tourists who have taken the town by storm. Governor McGill himself views this as "positive tourism", though tourism is the last thing some of the more grizzled folk want. "If we wanted yer money, we would've just plundered yer money!" one bellowed while waiting outside growing throngs of hungry The Golden Dubloon patrons. Others speculate that the continued interest of tourists in the area is due to an apparently generous kraken that dwells within the island's waters. Marine biologist Jessie Stone has looked into the implications of this unfolding situation.

EX: Thanks for speaking to us, Jessie.

JESSIE: No problem!

EX: Is it true that tourists are mainly flocking to Krawk Island to visit this 'friendly' kraken?

JESS: Well, I'm not sure if friendly is the term to use, but yes, it does seem so. There isn't a single inn on Krawk Island so visitors are hardly on extended vacations. There's been a boom in business along the west coast, which lo and behold, corresponds with where the kraken is seen surfacing most of the time.

EX: You said that 'friendly' isn't the right thing to call this kraken – from what I've seen, it does seem pretty friendly.

JESS: We must remember that the kraken is still a wild animal; nothing is certain. Nor does it know the value of the items it's launching at visitors who try to shoot it.

EX: Because, naturally, if someone shoots you, you'd want to give them a gift for trying.

JESS: Strange creature the kraken is, isn't it? It might've had too much grog earlier.

Needless to say, the Giant Squid down in Maraqua has been experiencing the painful sting of rejection.

Thanks all from me, on to Drabolius for the sports report.

[---]

Thanks, Expulsed.

Lost Desert has FOUND their way to victory in this year's Altador Cup, after many years of upset. The team, moved by the sheer determination and burning spirits of their fans impressively fought their way to the forefront of the yooyuball scene. Unfortunately, it was not all happiness and smiles. Garven Hale, captain and goalkeeper of Krawk Island, was admitted to hospital after being, as one ardent fan girl put it, "affectionately group tackled". We were fortunate enough to be able to speak to Zara Papp, head sports and social psychologist of the Fan Research Institution:

DRABOLIUS: Krawk Island may have come second, but they seem to be stealing more headlines than their desert counterparts. Is there a secret behind the crazed responses of the fans?

PAPP: Funny you mention that, Drabolius. From what we've gathered, there does seem to be a correlation between a team and their public image.

DRABOLIUS: Public image?

PAPP: Yes. The Krawk Islanders are recognizable by their scruffy and "bad" image. It's the kind of thing that appeals to the younger generation of Neopians.

DRABOLIUS: Wouldn't that be a bad thing for the future of Neopia?

PAPP: I can't say, but I can guess that Judge Hog won't be smiling.

DRABOLIUS: Does Hale's recent hospitalization have anything to do with this fixation, in your opinion?

PAPP: Certainly. If you look at the shots of the awards ceremony, he is scowling and unhappy. It only strengthens the reputation of Krawk Island. His posture too is very macho. Fan girls dig that stuff.

DRABOLIUS: Dear me, if they continue like this, the Yooyuball players won't be playing much more sport.

PAPP: Haha, yes. Though for Garven, it doesn't seem like he'll be doing more 'sport' than inverse planking on his hospital bed for now.

DRABOLIUS: Thank you, Zara.

That's all for the sports report this week. Apparently Sabre has cancelled the weather report section due to lack of interest so we'll wrap things up here.

 
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