The Fantastic Dr Wilbur and the Drackonack's Toenail

     It is my great joy and pleasure to introduce to you another riveting and hair-curling account of my most recent and scary adventures. Fear not, fair adorer of the written word, for I shall tell my tale in the least gruesome of ways, although - no, never mind that - you will be just fine. Yeeeees, just fine. Cough.

     Once upon a time there was a most handsome and clever detective residing in the ancient and learned city of Brightvale. He was the object of admiration and veneration amongst his neighbors and the inhabitants of this fair city. He was myself! Didn't see that coming, did you now? Ah, dear fans, enough "coquetterie" and on with the show!

     This particular tale took place towards the end of the Month of Collecting, a month punctuated by dreary rain and a harsh wind that did not hesitate to rub our cheeks raw. Most inhabitants chose to stay indoors snuggled up in many warm blankets which caused them to resemble humongous multicolored Grubs. Not wanting to be associated with aforementioned Gross Food, I preferred to appeal to my natural courage. I wrapped ten scarves around my neck, chose gloves of the finest wool, wore two overcoats, opened the front door and ventured outside. Yes, I know what you must be thinking, faithful fan, poor Dr. A. F. Wilbur, out in the cold autumn wind and rain, phlegm and more general symptoms from a cold leering at me as I advanced painfully against the unpredictable thrusts of wind.

     It was not on a mere whim of wit that I decided to undertake this most perilous and challenging voyage. No, dear reader, for I was on an unprecedented mission that took me to Brightvale Castle. In the courtyard a single BIRCH tree stood majestically swaying in the wind, his brown and yellow leaves clinging on for dear life to their respective branches. I paused for a moment, listening to the branches creak and the leaves rustle, admiring the pure and disobedient strength of nature. Ah, to be a tree, what a poor faith it must be to have your children torn from you every fall only to grow them once more during spring and then to lose those same new leaves again! How lucky I felt to be myself, you cannot imagine, dear reader. Blessed am I, to be able to walk and talk freely, to see and smell whatever I desire. Yes, I was the luckiest Wocky, maybe even the luckiest Neopet, as I ascended the staircase towards the Great Hall of Brightvale Castle.

     On the second landing I took a right towards King Hagan's personal chambers where I had been summoned by Weewoo-mail that very morning on a matter of the utmost importance. I straightened my jacket, draped my many scarves over my arm, coughed silently and knocked three times on the large Oak-wooden doors. Silence. I hesitated uncomfortably, but then I realized that I, Dr. Augustus Filibert Wilbur, a close personal friend of the King, would most certainly be allowed to enter his chambers without any hesitation. I pushed open the doors and was greeted by a warm fire blazing in the grate and a chill wind entering through an open window. I crossed the heavily carpeted room and closed the window. I shivered as I turned to oversee the room. Empty. How odd, I thought. I was just about to leave and enquire as to where the King could be found when I heard muffled angry voices coming from the room I knew to be the King's bedroom.

     Quick as Chet Flash, I ran towards the bedroom door, kicked it open with my right foot and stumbled in yelling loudly: "For Neopia and the King", whilst menacingly brandishing my five scarves above my head as a sword. My sharp-as-ever eyes just had the time to see a green mass being dragged out of the tower window by an orange arm. I rushed to peer over the windowsill into the windy and dark afternoon but could not even discern my very own outstretched hand. Nothing but darkness. The King had been kidnapped!

     I raised the alarm in the castle in a very distinguished and gentleman-like way, yelling for help as I ran through the corridors my scarves trailing behind me. Soon enough many doors opened and confused inhabitants, clerks and guards peered out of their rooms in alarm. Half an hour later the full Royal Council was united in the Throne Room, their grim faces illuminated by the flickering candlelight, their brows furrowed in concern as they ploughed through many heavy-looking scrolls searching for the appropriate protocol. What to do when a king went missing during times of peace?

     I was more worried about his majesty and feared that if the proper procedure was to be followed we might find the king in about eighty years. Patriotic and selfless as I am, I offered my services to the Council and told them I would start searching for their sovereign myself. Oh, dear reader, you cannot begin to imagine the happiness that appeared on these old Neopets' faces. They were absolutely delighted and without further ado I braced myself for the cold and dove into the dark and wet autumn night.

     It was too much of a coincidence for my talented brain. An orange arm, Halloween coming up, a King disappeared. Only evil of a most dark and ancient kind could be at work. I did not doubt that my journey would take me towards the Haunted Woods, but before undertaking such a journey I decided to pay a visit to my very good friend Mr. Albus, the apothecary. I splashed through the muddy streets and was nearly attacked by a broom lying in the middle of the cobbled street, I however managed to jump the culprit, land in the middle of a puddle of water and arrive in the apothecary sopping wet. As I gently dripped water all over dear Albus' wooden floors, I recounted my adventure to him and asked for his professional advice. The old Lenny scratched his chin, adjusted his monocle and ruffled his feathers.

     "This looks quite grave, my friend, I believe your suspicions may be accurate. There is foul play at hand. Foul play by Vampires!" I gasped audibly at the thought of my beloved King being held captive by such vie creatures.

     "We all know," continued Albus, "that Count Von Roo likes the taste of noble blood. It would not be the first King to have gone missing just before Halloween. We are hard pressed for time, Wilbur. I know of a legend that if a King or Queen is bitten on the night of Halloween, the Vampires will gain an uncanny strength, equal to that of the Faeries. Imagine the horror!"

     Depressed and sad, I flung myself in the nearest armchair and covered my face with my hands, hiding my tears from sight. "Oh, Albus, what can be done for poor King Hagan?"

     Albus once again scratched his chin, turned on the spot and vanished in the back of the shop. I could hear rumbling, shuffling and the shifting of heavy things accompanied by Albus' moans (he wasn't exactly the youngest of Lenny's). Soon enough he returned, covered in soot and dust, but his eyes gleaming with triumph. He put a small black box on the counter and a huge orange costume. I lifted my eyebrows enquiringly.

     "You, my friend, are going in undercover," the Lenny said wisely.

     ***

     So there I was, standing on the edge of the Haunted Woods, the wind howling madly and possibly Werelupes, my feet wet and numb, the small black box safely tucked in my left pocket. There I was, I, Dr. Augustus Filibert Wilbur, most respected citizen and detective of Brightvale, there I was, wearing a Count Von Roo Halloween Costume. I must admit I felt quite ridiculous, stuffed inside the hot and bothersome costume, my otherwise so flexible and agile body inhibited, my white pearly teeth hidden by fake fangs.

     "For King and Brightvale," I muttered under my breath as I scratched my left armpit, the seams of the costume were a bit loose and rather bothered me, and headed for the Von Roo Castle deep inside the haunted woods. As I found my way through the darkness and thickness of trees I could swear I caught glimpses of strange creatures, some fluorescent others just plain odd. For instance, I swear I saw a Mutant Meepit sitting on a rock with a Weewoo's head coming out of its shoulder. The Creature blinked unevenly with its four eyes as it observed me but, to my own relief, quickly disappeared in the bushes.

     After two hours of walking/hiking/crawling/climbing through the Haunted Woods I finally saw it. Von Roo Castle! Perched on top of a barren and edgy-looking mountain, it's topmost window alight with the glow of candles and various black bird-like creatures circling the tower. I knew this was the Count's second residence, as he usually thrives in his castle on Roo Island. For Halloween however it was common knowledge the vampires preferred to gather in the Haunted Woods. I swallowed and wrapped my fingers around the box in my pocket to ascertain myself of its presence. I could not tell you how I climbed the horrible mountain leading towards the Castle, for I do not remember. I must have been in a pure survival state, my mind fuelled by the thought of my poor King at the mercy of those vile Vampires.

     In a matter of seconds I found myself in front of the castle walls. I say castle, but it was mostly one very broad, round and high tower, without any doors. Yes, obviously most inhabitants were able to fly in through the window and somehow I doubted my Halloween Costume would allow me to transform into anything with wings. Luckily, I had prepared myself for such an occasion. I dug my hand into my right pocket and extracted a rather ruffled-looking and disgruntled Weewoo from it. The Petpet darkly glared at me but also seemed to sense the importance of the situation. I raised the Weewoo above my head and waited. The Weewoo looked down warily, rolled its eyes and furiously started flapping its wings. After five minutes of flapping we had risen about an inch. Clearly infuriated, the Weewoo doubled its efforts and before I could say "pumpkin pie" we were flying alongside the tower, rising ever higher and higher. We must have been quite a sight. The small White Weewoo flapping furiously, me, a respectable-looking Wocky such as myself hanging onto its leg and dressed in a Count Von Roo Halloween Costume. As we reached the topmost window I could see the full moon behind the tower and shuddered inwardly. Quick as a flash I jumped through the window, letting go of the Weewoo's legs and landing on both feet in the middle of a circle of vampires.

     I could see King Hagan lying at my feet, sleeping and snoring, Count Von Roo bending over him as the other four vampires leered at me. It dawned on me that my disguise may not have been as efficient as Albus and I had thought. I could hear my faithful White Weewoo wheezing behind me, clearly struggling to recover from his efforts. Somehow this gave me strength.

     I plunged my hand in my pocket, extracted the black box, opened it, ran towards the King's unconscious form, extracted a Drackonack Toenail from the black box and threw it in the King's mouth as I shoved aside Count Von Roo. As soon as the Drackonack's toenail landed on my beloved King's outstretched tongue, he woke up, sprang to his feet and knocked out two vampires with one swing of his fist.

     ***

     "My good Dr. Wilbur," boomed the King as we walked through the corridors of Brightvale Castle, "I must thank you for saving me from that dreadful state of sleep those creatures had put me in. However, I would like to know, what did you use for an antidote?" The King's mustache twitched curiously as I looked up into his face.

     "Majesty, I'm afraid I cannot divulge that particular secret," I coughed softly. "Only I and my good friend the apothecary know. Do you imagine what would happen if the vampire's caught wind of this? They would destroy the entire stock of –er- antidote."

     "Wilbur," the King said, "you keep surprising me!" He laughed loudly and slapped me on the back, causing my knees to buckle and collide painfully with the carpeted floor.

     Ah, such are the woes of a true hero, dear fan!

The End