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Outdated Books: Catching Up With the Times


by kspare2

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Books, books, books. With thousands of books to choose from, it may be difficult deciphering which books will best help your Neopets become educated. To better help you determine which books may not be worth the effort, we here at the Neopian Bureau of Books have created a list of reading material that has become outdated throughout the years. In some occasions, alternative sources of similar information have been provided. Of course you are still free to delve into these books if you please, but think twice before you take any information found inside of them as a fact!

Neopian Times Issue 3: Curious as to what we would encounter back in the third issue, we sent our investigative crews out to the Neopian Times archives on a mission to find out what literary gold existed within the earlier editions. Now don't get us wrong, we did find some fantastic articles from back in the day, but even so, some are slightly outdated, like the speculative article about the possibility of Maraqua being gone for good (for those of you who are unaware, Maraqua has been alive and well throughout the years!). We would also hate to see your Neopet become enamored with one of the featured guilds, only to find that they no longer exist, or to have them become excited over the upcoming Alpine Challenge when the Alpine Challenge ended many years ago. Perhaps reading your pet a more updated issue would be more beneficial.

Year 3 Calendar: Ah Year 3... A great year, of course. The Island Mystic first began to give out advice during this year. Grundo's Gym was opened to the public, transforming lazy Neopets into fit and active creatures. 10,000,000 Neopets had been created. Many collectable cards were given makeovers. The Trading Post limit was increased from 100,000 to 250,000. But still, though, we find it a bit odd that any modern Neopet would require such an old calendar. May we interest you in a pocket or desk calendar instead?

Medieval Dictionary: A Medieval Dictionary is no longer necessary as even Meridell has meshed with the rest of Neopia throughout the years. A better option would be the Quick Reference Dictionary, or perhaps the Unabridged Dictionary for the overachievers.

Mysterious Book: The whole purpose of this book was that it was supposed to be mysterious. However, since the mysteriousness of the book was canceled out when the content was listed on the cover, we feel that the book is no longer mysterious and so it shouldn't be a Mysterious Book, and if it isn't a mysterious book and there is no mystery, is the book still relevant? We don't think so, but the truth may be a mystery.

Hiding Valuables: We fear that a thief may be inclined to check out a book called Hiding Valuables if they intend on stealing your things, so it may be best to stick to the bank and safety deposit box for safe-keeping, as items there can be stored using a PIN number. Besides, we aren't so sure that your fifty baby paint brushes will fit between the sheets of such a thin book.

Map Reading: Map reading is essential to the survival of all Neopets, but teaching them how to read old maps now that many areas have been reconstructed may not be too helpful.

Ancient Shopping List Scroll: Now this scroll is just silly. Why would you want to use an ancient shopping list when you can easily write up a new one? Iced Techo Cupcakes... Pork Steak... Assorted Coconut Balls... ? Surely these are all delicious foods, but it is unlikely that you will find these in the stores as they have long since been retired!

NeoFashion: Fashion is an incredibly important part of Neopian society. All Neopets strive to be the hippest and coolest Neopets on the block, but it may be a bad idea to take tips from this fashion book. This book is the oldest fashion book in existence, and there have been many others released since then. There are Neopet-specific books, like Lupes in Fashion, Blumaroo Fashion, Fashion for Krawks, Koi Fashion and Accessories, Meerca Fashion (Season 1 AND 2!), and Gnorbu Fashion. There are also specialized fashion books, like Robot Fashions, Space Fashions, Holiday Fashion, and Fashion with Denim. Additionally, because this book is so old, it does not take into account all of the amazing wardrobe choices that have been become available since the creation of customization and the introduction of the NeoCash Mall.

Neopia In Under 18NP A Day: For quite a long time, it was easy to live off of eighteen neopoints a day, but then the times began to change as more neopoints were entered into the economy and new and exciting items flooded the market. Neopia on 500 Neopoints a Day has since replaced this outdated book.

Bumper Cars Guide Book: We are sure this was once a great guide to a fun game, but considering that the game was retired back in Year Eight, we aren't quite sure why anyone would be in the market for a guide book to the game.

How to Fold Paper to Make It Look Like Stuff: This book came out around the same time as other origami books, and we definitely suggest that you opt for Easy Origami Flowers, How to Make Origami Creatures, Origami Pop-Up Book, or Origami Pets 101 instead. These books are all essentially the same thing, but as you can see from the title of this book, it is a bit less straightforward than the others. For example, the first step to the alternative books is to "fold the paper in half horizontally," whereas the title book suggests that you "take a long sheet of paper, turn it 90 degrees, turn it 180 degrees, use your ruler to find the midpoint, flip the left corner side inward and the right corner side outward, turn the paper 360 degrees to the left once and then again to the right, unflip both corners, and then make a crease in the center of the paper" ... See what we mean?

That leads us to the end of our Outdated book list. Ignore our warnings if you will, but don't be surprised when we laugh at you for wearing Year 1's fashion designs as you search every store for grapes (if you can even find the stores using the map!).

 
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