The Tyrannian Concert Guide: Part I
Tyrannia, to most, is a land of prehistoric, tiny-brained cavepets grunting out a living through tourism and Petpet hunting. This is most definitely not the case. Although some parts of this huge land remain desolate and uncultivated, the Tyrannian Plateau is quickly becoming an urban metropolis, and a music-loving one at that. The Concert Hall has stood just on the outskirts of the Plateau for centuries, and traditional (read: gross) club-beating tunes are making way for hip new bands on the stage. Tyrannians on the Plateau (known to all as Uggites) young and old flock to the concerts every evening for a show, and they often encourage foreigners to go as well. The only problem: Which band? The Concert Hall charges a flat fee of 1,250 NP every night, so you may be getting a rip-off or a huge deal, depending on how good the band is. Due to a lack of information in the Plateau itself, I've made this guide to help out any confused Neopians unsure of where to start after the sun goes down over Tyrannia.
2 Gallon Hatz
This gang is one of the only country bands to make it big, catering to the small but enthusiastic twang crowd. Brightvalian crooner Jed Shinbitz is the leading Meerca, taking over after former lead singer Francra Min quit the band owing to salary disputes. Shinbitz's song writing talent is excellent, but the rest of the crew seems to have lost energy over the years. Their recent single, "Galloping Horse", has been panned by critics as flat and toneless, even with Shinbitz's enthusiastic singing trying to cover it up. Still, 2 Gallon Hatz often draws large crowds at its concerts, which are usually three times a month at the Concert Hall. Don't forget to bring a lot of money if you want souvenirs—the prices, especially for a glossy Shinbitz poster, are extravagant.
Blue Kacheek Group
Without a doubt, the BKG's music is some of the weirdest you'll ever hear. Small drums and cymbals sound in the background, creating an unsteady, jarring beat. There's usually no singing; instead, the Blue Kacheeks—Mesar, Lir, and Arante—perform bizarre dances and beat jiggling green pipes to add its strange echo to the whole craziness. Arante, in the back, usually attracts all the attention for her insane gymnastic moves, such as turning her head upside down, doing mini-backflips, and temporarily dislocating her limbs, which scares away the few people who were brave enough to stay past the first few minutes. Obviously, there are very few fans of the BKG, but they don't mind. "We perform for ourselves," Lir declared to Uggite DJ magazine. I wouldn't recommend this uncanny band to anyone who feels remotely squeamish about music.
Chomby and the Fungus Balls
You've probably heard of this band already. CATFB is well-known outside the Plateau, and so is its lead singer, Chelm Spike. Spike and his backups take almost three months between one song and the next, but the wait is well worth it. Other paisley bands have crashed and burned over the decades, but this hip disco group is currently the #1 band in Neopia, with every new single rocketing to the top of the charts. Spike and his toe-tapping moves are enough to get even the most jaded Neopians up on their feet. And he's gathering a fanbase: the Chelm Spike Fan Club is now one of the biggest, second only to the Tandrak Shaye Girls-Only Group. Definitely a must-see for anyone remotely nostalgic about the '70s. CATFB plays five times a month, so there's no excuse.
This neo-punk band is one of the newest on the scene, and it's rapidly gathering steam among younger Uggites apparently immune to ear-shattering guitar chords. Led by greenhaired Inky Plank, a world-class electric guitarist, Gruundo is making its way up to the big time, with their second and most recent album, Star Stone, topping out at No. 24. "It's totally, like, awesome, dude," long-haired drummer Xxen (pronounced Ks-en; much more popular than his bandmates) told Uggite DJ. "Finally getting fans, it's amazing. Like, radical." Although your teen Neopets will definitely enjoy a splurge on a Gruundo concert, it's not very popular with other age groups. Oh, and bring earplugs.
Jazzmosis is popular if not wildly well known outside Happy Valley where they originated. The six-pet group has been making waves ever since forming way back in the black-and-white days, and they like to stick to tradition; lead singer Moris MacDurrell and his backups paint themselves in shades of gray and only perform on stages that have been similarly treated. Although MacDurrell's singing is quite improved from his early days and is great to listen to on a rainy day, it's the saxophone, played to perfection by Gristle Norwick, that really shines. The Grarrl's solo in recent hit "Bibiddenbopduduhdidadda" stole the show. I would definitely recommend this band and its music to anyone looking for a nice, soothing piece.
Jub Zambra and the Cobrall Charmers
With—who else?—famed Cobrall charmer Jub Zambra at the helm of this Lost Desert folk group, it seems they can't go wrong. Although the Charmers rarely left their home early on, they're now reaching international fame for their twist on long-established LD music. Zambra, of course, is at the very front of the stage with his basket of Cobralls and wind instruments next to him, but these days male Neopets are crowding the available space to get a look at Shira Neferl, the group's flexible dancer. It's rather annoying to be squashed by yelling fans who don't care for the fine music, so I would suggest that you wait until the peak season is over before coming to a concert.
Five Myncies, all with different wacky paint jobs and hairdos, have been putting on music for five years. Although they maintain that "there's no star, and everyone's on the same lev'l here", it's obvious that Dustin Nimberlake, orange with floppy hair and the one who said the quote above, is the main attraction. He's been it for several years now, and it's clear to many critics that M*YNCI's star is fading, and has been for quite some time. The music—often remixes of their older songs—that the group churns out about once a month has been derided as needlessly repetitive, and most of its original fans have moved on. Nimberlake announced a "temporary hiatus" recently, so no one's sure how long this boy band will last.
The Marauders are as far the only pirate band to have a substantial fan base outside Krawk Island, but they haven't gotten too big for their britches. Only a month ago they held a benefit concert, giving away 100% of the profits to the Krawk Island Restoration and Rebuilding Organization. Their down-to-earth, homey music draws large crowds to their performances, which are often situated on their ship, the Mellow Mallow. Capt. Lukas Blairtonia, the lead guitarist (for lack of a better word), even lets fans tour it every once in a while. They only play once a month in the Concert Hall, so definitely don't miss it.
And that concludes Part I of the Tyrannian Concert Guide. Check back soon for Part II in these very pages. Hope to see you there!
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