Now with 50% more useless text Circulation: 186,575,100 Issue: 506 | 5th day of Hiding, Y13
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Journal of a Disgruntled Crew Member

by maraqua_berry


Day One


Joined the crew of the Scurvy Krawk today. Apparently all of this searching for Krawk Island ain't all it's cracked up to be. Most o' the crew reckon the captain's a buffoon. Can't see the problem, meself; he seems capable enough.


Have yet to find any land. I'm sure the captain would be much better at his job if it weren't fer all this fog. The rest o' the crew doesn't seem too surprised by our lack of progress. Funny, that. I'm sure we'll find Krawk Island soon.


Didn't find anything today, though I reckon I saw the captain sneakin' a couple o' those worthless trinkets into his pockets. He's welcome to 'em. I just want Krawk Island back so's we can go for a nice meal at the Golden Dubloon. I'm really startin' to miss decent food – Grapefruit Biscuits and water can only last so long.

Day Two


I'll admit, I'm startin' to 'ave me doubts about this whole situation. Have yet to find anything, not even one o' those plastic trinkets the captain seems so fond of. There's considerably less fog today, so the captain ain't got no excuses. Am hoping we'll find something before lunch – maybe some food that ain't Grapefruit Biscuits.


Nothin' yet. Gettin' slightly worried that I may o' joined the wrong crew 'ere. And to think, I could 'ave joined the crew o' the Lady's Revenge! Just my luck, to pick the ship where utter uselessness runs riot. This is gettin' ridiculous. Maybe we'll find something later.


The captain failed to lead us towards any land again today. The rest o' the crew ain't too pleased about that, let me tell ya. Still, perhaps we'll find something tomorrow. I certainly hope so, I'm not sure how much more o' this I can take.

Toothless Joe came up to me today and asked if I wanted to join in the mutiny. Least, I think that's what he said – it's 'ard to tell when he ain't got no teeth. Told him I'd think about it... after all, there's still hope that we'll find land tomorrow.

Day Three


The captain just tripped over a pile o' rope and fell overboard. It took a few minutes to find anyone willing to pull him back up, and then he had the nerve to shout at us about incompetence. And 'ere was me thinkin' Lutaris were supposed to be good swimmers. Ha! Not our captain.

We've yet to find anything, though I s'pose the captain falling over the edge of the ship has slowed down the process considerably. Better get back to work; maybe we'll finally find something.


If I 'ave to eat one more o' those Grapefruit Biscuits, I'm gonna scream. I can't stand grapefruit. I dunno why anyone would think it might taste better in biscuit form. Sheer madness, I can vouch fer that. Oh, and to make matters worse, there's been no sign o' land all mornin'. I definitely sided with the wrong crew on this one.


We came across one tiny island today, barely big enough to fit half o' the crew on, let alone be Krawk Island itself. The captain's been stealin' more o' those useless toys that he's been findin'. I suppose he thinks we ain't noticed. Maybe if he spent more time lookin' fer land and less time playin' with plastic dubloons, we might actually find Krawk Island instead o' floatin' aimlessly around the ocean.

I am seriously considerin' Toothless Joe's offer.

Day Four


Slept in today. Woke up to Peg-leg Lewis throwing a bucket o' fish heads at me, sneaky little Mynci. I would gladly take Grapefruit Biscuits over a bucket o' fish heads, any day... Anyway, the rest o' the crew filled me in on the fact that we're now lookin' fer islets that make up Krawk Island. Terrible news, lemme tell ya. I mean, our captain can't even find a large island, how is he supposed to locate 'undreds of tiny islets?

Toothless Joe's offer is getting more and more temptin'.


Found two islets so far today, hardly even big enough to stand on. Big enough to leave a captain stranded on, though. Been hearing murmurs of them kind o' plans all day – not gonna lie, it's soundin' pretty good to me. Maybe they'd let me be captain then. I do like the look o' them fancy captain's hats, with those big fluffy feathers and all. The only thing I've got is this ridiculous spotty bandana. Still, it keeps the sun off. Not that there is much, these days – there's a lot o' fog around, though.

The captain looks like he's about to fall asleep... I 'ope he falls over the edge again, the useless waste of a perfectly good hat.


Ya know, I reckon I could sum this 'ere journal up in three words: WE FOUND NOTHING. I been to see Gavril McGill today, just to see if he's messin' us about. He's fer real, all this talk o' islets and such. I reckon he should get out there 'imself, try and find the islets, instead o' makin' us do all his dirty work. Still, someone's gotta do it. Hopefully we'll have better luck tomorrow.

Day Five


Made an early start today. It seems we've been participatin' in a Neopia-wide jigsaw competition. I never was much good at jigsaw puzzles. Me mother caught me usin' scissors once, try'na cut the pieces so's they'd fit together. Somehow I don't think that'll work with Krawk Island. Still, chances are we won't be havin' that problem, unless we can find some actual islets. We've got a nice pile o' chests down in the hold that the captain doesn't know about, though. Now we've just gotta figure out how to get 'em open.

Sigh. A Bori's work is never done, eh?


We're finally out o' Grapefruit Biscuits. Thing is, I'm out o' patience and all. Off to tell Toothless Joe I'm in. Mutiny it is... I can feel that feathery hat now!


Turns out, I was the last crew member holdin' out on them. Everyone's in now. Heh.

Well, now we can get down to business... I'm all fer tying the captain to the next one o' those pathetic islets we come across. I'm sure someone will notice him eventually, once they get this whole jigsaw goin'. Maybe Gavril will help him out.

Off to help plan this thing out now.


Didn't find any islets today, but we have got a good stock o' Seafarers Rope now – perfect for tying incompetent captains to palm trees and the like. Maybe if we're feelin' generous we'll leave him with a chest o' those plastic dubloons he seems so fond of.

In a much better mood today. Tomorrow, the ship will be mine... well, maybe I got away from meself there. Chances are, Toothless Joe'll want to be captain. I called dibs on the hat, though.

I'm off now; gotta get an early start. I've heard mutiny really takes it out o' a guy.

Day Six


Have resorted to eating some of the suspicious-looking food we fished out of the water a couple o' days ago. It looks edible enough – certainly not Golden Dubloon standard, though. Still, I'll be needin' me energy for today. Our dear captain ain't gonna have a leg to stand on – figuratively, o' course, since that wooden one he's so attached to seems to survive through everything.


Our mutiny was an absolute shambles. See, most of our swords 'ave gone rusty from the sea water – I'm sure that's never happened before – so we had to resort to using whatever came to hand. Which, in my case, happened to be rope. Ended up trappin' the captain with a lasso. I felt like a bit o' a Kau-boy, which is no fun, let me tell ya. Still, we got him in the end. Now to find a suitable place to leave him.

Oh, he's started shoutin' again. Seems to think he's a perfectly good captain. I reckon all this sea air's addled his mind, personally.


Took a while, but we finally got him to an islet, tied him to a conveniently-placed tree and sailed off like Fyora herself was after us. Still, it were a bit of a struggle, getting' him all tied up. Lutaris' tails are not to be tangled with, and that's all I shall be sayin' on the matter.

I wonder if Gavril McGill has any grog lyin' around that shanty o' his... better go and find out.

Day Seven

Today went a lot more smoothly. Told Gavril where we'd left the captain... eventually. I'm sure someone will find him soon. After all, not everyone's as bad at navigatin' as he is.

The End

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