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Fierce Peophins and their Obsession with Olives


by raspberrywatching33

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What do you do if fierce Peophins has eaten too much tin of olives? The pressing question has plagued Neopia since the avatar it produces appeared. Many answers have surfaced over the years and efforts have been made to extract the answer. Most pass through daily life only asking this question with a random answer in order to get an elusive avatar. However, an elite few have taken it upon themselves to find the truth. I, as a journalist and a dedicated researcher, went undercover (sometimes quite literally), and dug deep to get at the stories revolving around this fated question. In more recent years, the search has become more evident, and those trying to suppress the truth have come out of hiding.

Some of the earliest tries at this question were those trying to reword it. The thinking was that if the question made sense, the answer would become obvious. Some said: “No, no, it must mean - ‘What do you do if fierce Peophins have eaten too many tins of olives’. There’s simply no other explanation.” Or perhaps even: “What do you do if a fierce Peophin has eaten too much olive juice? (How do you eat olive juice?) Surely there can’t be more than one olive-loving fierce Peophin, right?” Wrong. Scientific research later proved that fierce Peophins love olives, and that there are many fierce Peophins. These modified versions ruled the boards (actually it was only me posting them), and speculations were made about whether grammatically correcting the question could, in fact, lead to an answer. Some even believed a correct version of the sentence could produce an easier way to get at the avatar. (Okay, okay, it was only me thinking that... but who doesn’t love grammar?!)

A year or so later, another group of fanatical thinkers started to wonder if this question could be answered by attempting to feed fierce Peophins some “Tin of Olives”. The group proceeded to buy up every “Tin of Olives” they could get their hands on, as well some “Pickled Olives”, just for good measure. Now this is where it gets tricky; fierce Peophins are called that for a reason. The unnamed group called upon a squad of Pony Wranglers (They named themselves Pony Wranglers; I had nothing to do with it!) to group up some fierce Peophins for them. When asked how many they counted up how many Tins of Olives they had and replied: “About 1358 will do, thank you.” I mean really, at 1-2 Neopoints per tin, how many did you think they’d end up with? Nevertheless the PWs (as they fondly nicknamed themselves) did not take too kindly to this. The resulting argument ensued for the entirety of ten minutes before the frustrated PWs (I seriously did not name them that!) told the group of knowledge seekers to catch the Peophins themselves. The poor, untrained, people only succeeded in feeding one Peophin “too much tin of olives”. They took it too far, however, and they fed the unlucky Peophin “too, too much tin of olives” (too much tin of olives2, to be exact). Almost every one of them landed themselves in the hospital, but they did eliminate one possible answer for us. When a fierce Peophin has eaten too much tin of olives, you should not feed him or her more olives.

After that fiasco, people stayed away from the danger of trying to answer what to do when fierce Peophins have eaten too much tin of olives. That is, until the arrival of a valiant Neopian. Xana DiLanche, the current goalkeeper for the Shenkuu Yooyuball team, decided this could on no longer. Not to mention the fact she was tired of waiting for Skarl to laugh at the terrible punch lines she was coming up with. Her research in the connection between Peophins and olives lead her to Shenkuu. (She had followed false leads to the Lost Desert, Maraqua, and the Haunted Woods.) She stopped quickly in at the Lunar Temple where the wise old Gnorbu resides to ask his opinion on the question. Ever one to play games, the wise Gnorbu challenged Xana to solve a lunar puzzle. If she answered correctly, he would, in turn, tell her the answer she was seeking. She readily agreed, and he asked her to find the correct position of Kreludor. She was stumped. She used all her math and astronomy skills but kept getting a slightly different answer than before. (It’s always important to check your work, you know.) What she couldn’t have known that that Dr. Sloth was giving take-over-the-world speech at that moment and everyone on Kreludor was required to jump and cheer at his “brilliant” plans. All that jumping was shaking the tiny moon. Xana left, unsatisfied, but with no other options. There really isn’t much gained with this excursion, but it is important to note: you should always factor in Sloth’s morning speeches when taking a trip to the Lunar Temple.

Just months ago a stir had arisen in the Q&A community about The Big Q, as some call it. (Yeah, yeah, you probably guessed, it’s only me calling it that.) Rumors were flying that a Dr. Sloth (Yep, he had to figure into this somehow.) was on the verge of finding an answer to the Big Q and planning to use it to control the avatar! The disastrous possibilities were endless. A small band of outcasts formed an alliance. Their goal – to steal Sloth’s knowledge of the Big Q’s answer and use it for good. A problem arose almost immediately. These rather geeky Neopians had no idea how to steal anything, much less a priceless secret kept by Sloth himself!

There was a huge argument within the group about how to proceed, until a brave Flotsam stood up and suggested they employ a thief to help in their quest. The group agreed to this and found Hanso, a charming young Ixi, willing to help them (for a price, of course). This was all before Hanso was famous, before the faeries were turned to stone. (Yes, even before Hanso got street-cred.) Though Hanso’s plan was brilliant, and his posse willing to try anything, they failed miserably. The reason they failed may surprise you still! Sloth was never in possession of the Big Q’s answer. He didn’t know there was such a thing as the Big Q. (He never did worry much about his avatar count.) In the end, Sloth had been cleared of any involvement, but we still lacked an answer!

The most recent activity in this area is going on as you read this. A somewhat strange group of Neopians have answered the question for themselves and intend to take action. Their thoughts: What do you do if fierce Peophins has eaten too much tin of olives? To quote their leader: “I think it would be appropriate to throw King Skarl at them and ask them to eat him too, so that he is more inclined into giving the rest of us his avatars!” This crazed girl has put together a gang and is preparing to storm the castle! Petitions have been circling to make this movement legal, and, at this point, anything could happen. Only one thing is known for sure; King Skarl is not safe.

 
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