Confessions of an Orange Hasee
So I want you to picture this. It’s been a long day at school and you’re absolutely pooped. All you want to do is relax, so what do you decide to do to unwind? Well, what better to do than play a nice game of Hasee Bounce? You wouldn’t be alone in that thought. The game itself has been played over 200,000,000, which is more fingers than you, me and my Mootix have put together. Everyone enjoys a good game of Hasee Bounce, I know there was a time when I once felt the same way as you, my friends.
Recently, I have come to dislike the game that has made me so famous and well known amongst all Neopians. What I mean here is that I’m ready to quit being the orange Hasee. I’m ready to move on to a better life, one where I can choose to eat more than just doughnutfruits, one where I don’t get random bouts of slime and mud in my mouth and one where I absolutely don’t need to be around that vain purple Hasee that I have to work with every day! I know that this is a shock to you, my dear friends and I apologize for your despair. If you’re going to understand why I quit, I think you’ll have to hear the whole story.
Jimmi and I were the best of friends. We did everything together from bugging Casandia, to bugging Fyora and the librarian, and we occasionally managed to sneak onto Jhudora’s cloud together! Those poisonous lollipops were so worth the trouble we got into afterwards. So anyways, we were the best of friends in Faerieland and that didn’t change once we were relocated to Mystery Island with the other Hasees. Now, we Hasees have a reputation amongst us for our appetites and we love, I repeat LOVE, doughnutfruits. The issue was that hasees also have a reputation for being terrible climbers. The Neopedia says:
“Being clumsy climbers, it's likely that the Hasees would have starved, if not for two friends by the names of Woogy and Jimmi. It seems these two Hasees had the clever idea of pushing a long piece of wood over the tip of a rock, and creating the very first Hasee-powered seesaw! Working together, they were soon able to reach the most delicious fruits.”
To the Neopets staff, I just want to tell you how insulted and how devastated I was when I read this! Yes, we would have probably starved, yes, we are horrible climbers, but what truly upsets me is that you credited both me and Jimmi for the creation of the Hasee-powered seesaw. He had no part in it. It was all me! While I was busy doing calculations, trying to find the right angles and locations, you want to know what he was doing? It’s what Jimmi always does: NOTHING! He did nothing except look pretty and let all the Mystery Island natives gush all over him! The show off that he is! I tried to tell everyone that it had all been my idea, but no one believed me. From that moment on, I started to strongly not like Jimmi.
We gained popularity around the island and soon enough, a Neopets talent scout found us. He told us that it was time for us to stop limiting ourselves to Mystery Island and let the whole of Neopia learn of our talent. He promised us free, tasty and unlimited doughnutfruits, it was an offer neither Jimmy and I could refuse. So once we accepted, we had to think of a catchy title. At this point, I still didn’t like Jimmi, but seeing as this was our game (still technically my game) we had to think of a name together. He came up with Food for Free, Food for Bouncing, Hasee’s Dinner Bounce and Look Cute While Eating. I personally thought all these names were terrible, so the most brilliant title was created using two words: Hasee and Bounce, to give you Hasee Bounce!
Jimmi and I promised that we would always share our ideas and that we wouldn’t take credit for each other’s work. I thought he meant it, I really did. Boy was I wrong! I read the Neopian Times that morning and he had already told the newspaper our title for our game. He made some mumbo-jumbo up about how the name came to him in a dream and he said that I was the one who came up with all those bad name ideas!
From that day on, everyone loved him and everyone still loves him! Whenever he goes on the street, everyone says, “Hey! It’s Jimmi, that adorable purple Hasee from Hasee Bounce! OMG! Can we have an autograph!” You want to know what happens to me when I’m in public? “Hey, it’s the orange Hasee from Hasee Bounce... errr... what’s your name again?” I’m sick of being the orange Hasee, I’m sick of no one remembering my name and I’m well and fed up of never being asked for an autograph! My name is Woogy the Orange Hasee, Neopia, and I’m proud of it!
But hold on! Jimmi’s torture does not end there! You know what he does on purpose every once in a while? He lets me eat the mud and the slime on purpose. He says, “Hey look, Woogy! There’s a rainbow doughnutfruit!” or “Woogy, think quick!” And when I jump down, it looks like it’s actually a doughnutfruit, but it’s actually a piece of dirt. The first time, I laughed and then after twenty five or thirty times, it really got old and to be honest, not very appetizing. My health and my very sensitive stomach are taking quite a hit, and for this reason, I had to quit.
That Meerca from Meerca Chase was also in on it too... that guy and I have never liked each other. So I might have taken a negg or two from him but it was my emergency, hourly snack! If I don’t eat every hour, I’m not able to bounce properly! I become so, so sad because whenever I don’t eat, I think of those doughnutfruits or neggs that are so lonely, wondering if someone will ever eat them. It’s cruel to let a lovely treat go to waste and let them feel so... blue. I would never be that mean, which is why I’m a proud member of HALF (Hasees Against Leftover Food) and Defenders of the Doughnutfruit Association. Please join these valuable causes today and make sure that no piece of food is left on any dinner plate.
I also have a warning for King Skarl: I refuse to come back for another round of Super Hasee Bounce. The last time Jimmi and I did that, your teeter-totter was broken and let’s say that it didn’t end very well for either of us. If you and Hagan wish to challenge each other to a game of “Who Can Fall off the See-Saw First”, please do it on some other seesaw that will not be used by Hasees the next day.
Now, this reason for quitting is the ultimate reason for my goodbye and here it is: it isn’t about the fun of Hasee Bounce anymore. Ladies and gentlemen, the charm that Hasee Bounce had was about two Hasees feeding themselves and having fun while doing it. Even if there was no doughnutfruits collected that round or even if all that Jimmi and I ate was dirt, we still had fun. Now, it seems to be all about the points, and the number of doughnutfruits and the fun has been totally destroyed from this want of money from users everywhere.
I know what everyone is saying: Please Woogy, don’t go! We like you too! We like you just as much as we like Jimmi! Please forgive us! So, I’ve decided to forgive all of you, but you have to grant me certain... favours.
1) I want my own page in the Neopedia. Oh, and while you’re at it, you might want to fix that page on how Hasee Bounce is created.
2) I would like a statue of me situated on Mystery Island, near where that Tombola guy is. I’ve already sent the blueprints to the Neopets Staff, I just hope they can find all that solid gold I requested.
3) Fire Jimmi from Hasee Bounce, rename it Woogy’s Bounce and as my bouncing partner, I would like the blue Meepit from Meepit vs Feepit to join me. That guy always cracked me up.
BONUS: I would like everyone from now on to address me as His Adorableness. Or His Cuteness will also do.
Get to work, Neopia! I expect to see all these changes done by tomorrow morning!
His Adorableness Sir Woogy, the Cutest Orange Hasee